November 11, 2005

Sharing the blood.

Today was the bi-monthly blood drive at work. YEE-HA! (Seriously, I’m not a redneck… I just hang out with a bunch of them.) I love giving blood, almost to a point that it is creepy. Oh, who am I kidding… it’s just down right creepy. I get giddy and happy. I start singing stupid songs from the Monkeys and the Bee Gees. My minions at work start to get worried. To quote one, “Isn’t this a sign of the apocalypse?” What a way to start the day, all the minions are in extra paranoid mode because I’m smiling, singing happy songs and have a little skip to my step. (See I’m not a redneck!)

Then the time came to give blood. I’m sitting in the booth while they ask me questions, check my blood pressure, and make sure my blood is good. When the nurse went to stick my finger, she asked me if I had a finger I preferred. She turned her back to get something, when she turned around, I’m holding out all ten fingers. With a smirk I respond, “One of these please.” She just laughed it off and grabbed the closest finger to prick. One of the questions they ask is, “Have you ever paid or received money for sex?” Being in such a good mood my tact switch was stuck in off and I just blurted out, “No, but if you’re offering….” She almost fell out of the chair laughing. I was her first customer of the day and she told me it’s always nice to start with someone that has a sense of humor.

When she was finished with me, and I collected my $20.00, she passed me off to the next nurse. This one was going to actually take my blood. She seemed to be in bad mood… until I came along. Everyone loves Contagion! (When it’s not work related) First question she asks me is, “Any allergies to latex?” You know where this is going, if you don’t then you must be new to this blog. “Nope, I love latex… do you have preformed or the paintable kind?” The nurse looked and gave me one of those knowing/naughty smirks. Ahhh… hit the nail on the head.

I’ve always had problems when I give blood, well not me as much as the nurses do. No, it has nothing to do with my incessant harassment! It has to do with the fact I have deep rubbery veins. They have a hard time getting them the first try. I warn the nurse about this, just as a precaution. She assures me she won’t have any problems. She grabs a needle, and is getting ready to insert it. I ask her, “Do you have a bigger needle?” She looks at me with concerns and asks if I’m nervous. With my biggest mischievous grin, I respond, “No, I just always thought bigger was better.” She started laughing… which in hind site may not be a good thing as she was about to jab a needle in my arm.

She tells me it’s okay to look away. “Nope, I like to watch.” I say dripping with double entendre. I think she almost slipped while inserting the needle when I said that. One would think that I would learn my lesson… but I don’t. The needle went in on the first try. When I remarked on how well she did, she responded with, “All you have to do is hold it gently, yet pull firmly until it straightens. Once I have you where I want you, I just slide it in.” Grinning like a schoolboy, “You have a very lucky boyfriend.” She turned a very interesting shade of red while she was laughing.

We get talking and joking about some of their worst patients. Then the machine tells her I’m done, I’ve given my pint. I try to get her to take a second pint. Telling her, “Look, I’m a big guy. I have extra blood! Hell, I’ve lost more then two pints from a minor head wound and was okay… minus the concussion.” By this time all the nurses on the bus where laughing and joking with me.

As I’m getting ready to leave, they remind me to eat something and “… drink a lot all day.” Whipping around I look at them and smart off, “Oh don’t think I won’t! Especially since you gave me permission to. Might not make my manager or wife happy, but I’m just following the nurses orders. It’s easier to get drunk after giving blood!” The nurses are rolling their eyes and giggling. Apparently, I haven’t lost that old college charm… yet.

Getting back into the office, I’m still smiles and laughs. I’m joking with people and just having a good time. Two of my minions speculate that the reason I’m happier and nicer after I give blood is that they drain away the evil.

I just like giving blood; I like the idea that with one pint I could save up to three lives. The feeling that I did something good and helped others is satisfying. Then again, maybe it’s the fact that I know my blood may be out there slowly converting others into minions of mine. Seriously though, if you haven’t given blood or don’t, you should look into it. It takes no more then maybe an hour out of your day, it doesn’t cost you anything and you are saving lives. Plus the free cookies aren’t bad.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at November 11, 2005 12:38 PM | TrackBack

"they drain away the evil" LOL! Does that mean whoever gets your blood is instantly transformed into an evil, minion torturing guy with a penchant for harassing nurses?

Posted by: oddybobo at November 11, 2005 10:54 AM

No oddybobo, it means they become management material....which is a special kind of evil.

I used to give blood all the time up until three years ago or so. I had since I was in the Navy, but when I got sick and started getting "chock full o' drugs" thanks to the doctors I couldn't do it anymore. This remionds me that I should start again because like you, I enjoy giving blood. It's all about the cookies man.

Posted by: littlejoe at November 11, 2005 11:04 AM

I have to laugh. I'm just the opposite. I run in the other direction. Only because I have tough, leathery skin and itty bitty veins. It usually takes them 3 or 4 tries... they NEVER believe me. And finally they'll go get a 'butterfly' needle and all is well again. I hated being pregnant for that reason... all the blood they took and never the same nurse. Sigh.

Posted by: vw bug at November 11, 2005 11:39 AM

why is it guys love "talking dirty" to nurses....I used to think it was the hat and uniform, but now we wear scrubs...

you are naughty...

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at November 11, 2005 02:37 PM

I like giving blood too. I can't always do it, though, because I never know from one day to the next if my blood pressure is going to cooperate.

I don't care to watch them put the needle in, but I must say, it's a very ... "interesting" sensation if the tube lays over your arm while the container is filling, so you can actually feel your blood draining out.

Posted by: Jenna at November 11, 2005 03:35 PM

I don't mind giving blood, none of it bothers me, but I can't. I hate the fact that no matter how much I eat, how much I drink, no matter what I do, I pass out afterwards. It's not worth it for me. I wish they could take less... like a 1/2 pint. I think it wouldn't have the same results.

Posted by: Bou at November 14, 2005 07:16 AM