December 16, 2005

Degrading to women.

Last night Shadoglare stopped by to say hi and to pick up an old computer I had. Out of the kindness of his heart, he is building a computer for his Sister and nephew. Since it was such a noble cause, I thought it would be the nice thing to do by donating this old one I had.

He stuck around for a while chatting. We debated the evils of firearms, alcohol and strip clubs (including places like hooters). I tried to explain to him that firearms are dangerous and should be outlawed, even having them in house a child could get their hands on one and hurt themselves or others. No matter what I said, I could not get him to accept that alcohol is the root of all evil, that it is a cancer that creates problems in society. The drinking of alcohol should be illegal as people aren’t smart enough to stop drinking on their own. Strip clubs are degrading to women, just having them in town is inviting all kinds of moral depravity and the subjugation of women. When I explained I was quitting re-enacting because it was cruel and an unethical treatment of animals, Ktreva had a conniption fit.

Shadoglare refused to accept what I was saying. It was then that I was forced to ask him to leave. I could not have his lack of morals and ethics corrupting my family. After he left I sat down to play some football on my Xbox. As I was sitting there, I realized how barbaric football is and decided that I should not watch it anymore. Grown men slamming into each other, they could get hurt. Football is nothing more then a modern day gladiator fight that should be outlawed. It was then that I decided I was never going to watch football again.

I went into my office and started taking all of my Green Bay Packer memorabilia off the walls. Ktreva shouted out, “That’s it, I’ve had enough” and stormed upstairs. When I finished getting everything down, I went to the basement to find some boxes to store the items. When I came back upstairs, Ktreva was standing in the living room wearing a cheerleader outfit, holding a large glass of Jack Daniels and swinging suggestively around my Brown Bess Musket.

I was shocked!

Walking into the living room, I say to my wife, “My love, you should not degrade yourself in this manner. You should respect yourself and your body as a woman. Alcohol is a cancer on society, you shouldn’t be drinking. And that is a gun you have there. Even if it is obviously unloaded and there is no flint in the hammer, you could hurt yourself…”

Then I heard what I had just said.

That didn’t make sense. My brain started arguing with itself, logic and fact versus what I had been saying. With out thinking I grabbed the glass of Jack Daniels and swallowed it in one quick gulp. It had an effect on me like spinach to Popeye. Strength and warmth spread through my veins. My head started to clear. “How could a gun be dangerous if it’s obviously unloaded? There is no powder in the pan and the flint is missing so even if it was loaded, there was no way for it to ignite.” Looking up to say something to Ktreva, I saw her sitting there in a cheerleader outfit looking at me coyly. I grabbed her and pulled her upstairs. Then I proceeded to exert my male dominance over her again and again and again…. and again.

After I was finished I went, back downstairs and starting putting my football stuff up on the walls. I read back through the drivel I had been posting and I realized; the damn sensitivity class took a hold of me for two whole days this time. If it takes at all, it’s usually just for an hour or two. I think my resistance is starting to wear down. I need to work on that.

Well it’s been a week since I’ve made someone cry, so today at work I’ll go fishing for someone to make cry. Also, there are some new employees and one of them is a hippy. I think I’m going to go do some corrective atmosphere control on them with some soap and water.

Damn Hippies!

Posted by Contagion in Bullshite at December 16, 2005 12:28 PM | TrackBack

Phew. I was hoping she would come to the rescue. I was considering finding her email and sending her a note. ;-) While your posts made me LMAO, I missed your old ones.

Posted by: vw bug at December 16, 2005 02:03 PM

Thank God. You have returned.

Posted by: DE644 at December 16, 2005 02:08 PM

Was it single barrel Jack?

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at December 16, 2005 02:36 PM

Excellent. No more horseshit. That crap was getting old.


Posted by: That 1 Guy at December 16, 2005 03:56 PM

That's better - this is the Contagion we know how to deal with ... heh!

Posted by: Barb at December 16, 2005 05:07 PM


Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Posted by: ktreva at December 16, 2005 05:46 PM

All hail Ktreva! I knew you'd bring 'im back! :)

Posted by: Wes at December 16, 2005 11:34 PM

Well, technically, even an unloaded gun can inflict blunt impact trauma, so it's still dangerous.

You're a reckless man, Contagion...

Posted by: Harvey at December 17, 2005 06:37 AM