September 21, 2006

Yea, I'm still around.

Okay, so technically I could have posted an update yesterday, but I damn well didn’t feel like it. Yesterday was about as productive as a blind man sorting crayons by color. Everything started off all right. I get to the doctor’s office, did the check in thing, answered their questions and went to wait. I figured I’d have to wait a good hour before getting in, that’s how it usually works, doesn’t it? Not here, I was in talking to the nurse 20 minutes ahead of my scheduled time. That, however, is where my day starts to break down.

The nurse is asking me more questions. Well, actually she is getting clarification of my answer on the background form. This actually led to some mirth for me. The nurse says, “On the form it says you drink alcohol 2-3 times a week, how much do you drink?” Being as honest as possible I answer with, “I’ve been known to drink a case or two.” Nurse, “Over the weekend?” Me, “To be honest I’ve been known to do that in one night. Of late I’ve been drinking about a bottle of Jack Daniels over a two day span.” The nurse looked at me like I had issues.

Then she asks me if I have any medication allergies. I’m not aware of any, so I told her I didn’t. She then asked me if I was allergic to Novocain. I started off telling her no, but then I remembered an incident that happened 3 years ago at the dentist. He was doing some work on my teeth and gave me some Novocain. My bottom lip swelled up to three times its normal size. After four hours it returned to normal. It was a one time thing and I don’t know if it is an allergy or not, so I told her that. This is when I received the shock of the day. She says to me, “Do you want me to mark that as an allergy? Because we can use something else when we do the procedure or we can attempt it again if you prefer.” Me, “Why would I need Novocain?” Nurse,” They numb your sphincter before inserting the camera in your rectum.” Me, “WHAT?!?!?!?!?! I’m here for stomach problems. I know of a much shorter route to get a camera into my stomach that up my butt!” As I’m saying it I’m making a hand gesture of a camera going through my colon. (Think of someone tracing the entire large and small colon with their hand.) If I did have a Novocain allergy, I would hate to have my sphincter swell up to three times it’s normal size. I’m not thinking that would be pleasant.

The nurse looks at the file she has, “Mr., Contagion, what’s your date of birth.” I give it to her and at that point the nurse has a small chuckle and says she grabbed the file for another patient of theirs that has the same name as me but is having problems in the opposite end of the digestive tract then I do. Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened to me in Rockford, so I get how the mistake happens. I’m just glad it’s not me that’s going to have a camera going where no man has gone, nor wants to, before. I do feel sorry for that other poor bastard.

We get that all straightened out, she gets the new file comes in and takes my blood pressure. She tells me it’s up from when I saw my doctor last a couple of weeks ago. I tell her of course it is, I’m in a gastroenterologists office and you just told me you wanted to stick a camera up my butt. That’s not a soothing situation.

The doctor comes in and asks more questions, does a physical, but not a COMPLETE physical. I even made sure to remind him, stomach problems, not colon problems. Then they end up just having me do the barium test. They didn’t even do the complete procedure; they just did a bunch of pre-procedure procedures to make sure they know what they are looking for. Now I have to go back in two weeks to finish.
Thus I was off my meds for 3 days, my stomach was a wreck, I feel like I swallowed a chunk of granite and I still have to go through all really rough stuff in 2 weeks. Two more weeks of wondering and speculation at what is wrong. How annoying.

At least they aren’t going to stick a camera up my arse!

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at September 21, 2006 03:03 PM | TrackBack

Holy shit, that is scary. Malpractice if I've ever heard it. Wrong patient file? She should have been horrified.

As for the camera up the backside, if I were that other patient, I'd have said, 'Skip the novacaine and knock me out, please.' Blech.

This whole thing sucks wet socks on so many levels. Two more weeks...

Posted by: Bou at September 21, 2006 03:48 PM

Ack! That'll wake you up. Shoot, I agree with Bou, malpractice anyone?

Posted by: Oddybobo at September 21, 2006 04:32 PM

Ummm... I'd be having second thoughts about letting them do anything to me at all and looking for someone else. OTOH - at least you already know they're incompetent so you can check and make sure next time. Don't even mention what you think the procedure is going to be - just say.

"Okay, tell me again, exactly what are you going to do?" And let the doc tell you. If he doesn't get it right - leave then. Regardless. Because you don't want idiots messing with your insides!

And I'd say - if the doc leaves the room and returns - ask again... Or you may end up with fewer limbs than you walked in with... you never know.

I'm really sorry you have to wait even longer.

Posted by: Teresa at September 21, 2006 05:13 PM

I think it's time to celebrate that you're NOT getting a camera up your ass! That sounds like a BIG celebration.

Posted by: Ogre at September 21, 2006 05:21 PM

I guess the whole thing isn't bothering me because it happens to me all the time. There are Three other guys in Rockford that have the same name as I do. Everytime I go to the hospital they have to verify and reverify they have the right person. I don't have a common name, so I guess having four of us in one city of this size is unusual. Even my family doctor's office does it on a regular basis.

Most of these places double check the DOB prior to performing anything. The top page of my file in most doctors office has a huge note that says, "verify DOB."

Posted by: Contagion at September 21, 2006 05:21 PM

Ugh..not an easy thing to go through. And then having to wait is harder. Will this be an upper or lower GI? I can tell you about that, or the whole camera up the but thing. Um..if you go there, get put's called twilight zone. Drop me a line if you want to talk. My heart went out to you on this. I've been there done that and it's not fun. Especially the waiting. Hang in there and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Moogie at September 21, 2006 06:05 PM

Since he didn't actually stick anything up contagions butt... I doubt a malpractice would work... besides, does contagion really want to sue someone that is working on any part of his insides??? ;-)

Hope it goes better in two weeks.

Posted by: vw bug at September 21, 2006 06:05 PM

I feel sorry for the other guy. Not only does he get a camera up the butt now he might have your drinking history in his file. Hope the nurse remembered to take it out.

Having to wait two more weeks is awful.

Posted by: Sticks at September 21, 2006 06:11 PM

I wasn't saying sue, I'm just saying its' malpractice. It is. Ask any doctor. It doesn't matter that you've got the same name... it really is inexcusable.

Posted by: Bou at September 21, 2006 08:36 PM

It was soooo good to talk with y'all but it's just makin' me sick that you have to go through all this (well, except the camera up the butt stuff) again in 2 weeks.

Hang in there. I've got everything to make mexican manicotti just waitin' for the OkeyDokey.

Posted by: Tammi at September 21, 2006 09:33 PM

You do realize that if the camera had gone up your ass without need we would have mocked you endlessly, right?

Posted by: Graumagus at September 23, 2006 06:12 PM

Oh holy crap!! I hope that they get it all figured out and soon... (And that the news is good.)

Posted by: Richmond at September 23, 2006 07:45 PM