March 20, 2007

Mr. Contagion takes the stand.

I feel like Iíve been put through a washer. Last night I started developing a sore throat, that turned into a full blown head cold by midnight. Between the post nasal drip and the river of snot flowing from my nose, it was a little difficult to get any sleep, which didnít help the cold any. That meant my mental capacity is not working at fully acceptable levels all day.

Then to make matters worse we had the first day of a three-day Audit at work. Not an internal audit, but an external audit. An outside company came to check our policies and procedures as well to make sure we are in compliance with State and Federal law. Guess who has to go before the audit review board this afternoon? Thatís right, Mr. Groggy head. Why me? Well to be honest, I do most of the inventory tracking, I almost always wear a shirt and tie to work even though I donít have to, and Iíve had experience going through these before.

I knew this was coming and that I was going to have to give testimony, but I didnít realize what it was going to be like. I spent an hour and a half being grilled by a panel of four over where we get our information, how we come up with our figures, and how we confirm that the information is accurate. Since two of the panel have never worked in my industry, it was really difficult to try to explain things to them.

About half way through, I started developing a headache. That made things even more difficult. Then they start questions where I came up with these procedures and policies. Folks, I would like to say that my mouth filter kicked in and that the last year of working hard to be a better corporate citizen paid offÖ

Öbut it didnít. I spouted off, ďI didnít. Someone else came up with them, I was just taught how to find the data using these methods and have been doing it since. If you really want to know why things are done this way, I suggest you come back three months ago and ask the guy whom I took over doing these reports for.Ē

Yea, probably not the best answer. An hour and a half later Iím finally released from my tribunal. I feel like I was raked over hot coals. At one point I had to lead the panel on a field trip to my desk to give them a demonstration of the reporting system and basic math. No Iím not joking. I couldnít get them to grasp the concept that Beginning inventory + Receipts Ė Ending Inventory = Releases. Yes it was really that simple.

Now if youíll excuse me, Iím going to go mix some Jack-quil D to take care of this head coldÖ and to forget.

Because I get to do it again tomorrowÖ only over a different procedure.

Posted by Contagion in Tales from the Work Place at March 20, 2007 05:30 PM | TrackBack

I got one word for ya': Big N, little Y, Big Fuckin'Q.

Or Jack, I suppose will do you just as well.

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 20, 2007 06:04 PM

Well yea, Jack-quil D is one shot Jack, one shot Nyquil and some Tavist-D... you really don't feel much of anything after.

Posted by: Contagion at March 20, 2007 06:08 PM

You have to wonder if they really were that stupid or if they were trying to catch you out. Sheesh. Sorry to hear you had to deal with it and a cold too. Hope the Jack helped.

Posted by: Teresa at March 20, 2007 08:21 PM

I highly recommend Hiram Walker Blackberry brandy. It doesn't leave the antihistamine hangover.

Posted by: Raging Mom at March 21, 2007 06:22 AM

You can sit by me - I'll bring my own bottle. I have had the mother of all colds kicking my a$$ for the past two days!! Ugh. And I have so much work to do it's not even funny.

Posted by: Richmond at March 21, 2007 01:35 PM

Drink some Lineys bock and eat some Gyros. Then fart a lot in the meeting. Shortened meeting, guaranteed.

Posted by: og at March 21, 2007 09:15 PM