October 29, 2007

That wasn't very sensitive of me.

Ktreva and I have been married for 8 years and have been together for ten years and in that time I have never, ever come unhinged at her ex. Until last Saturday that is. I also did something that I told myself I was ever going to do; bad mouth him in front of Boopie. I couldnít help it. I was so angered at the whole situation that I finally blew my lid.

If you recall weíve been having some problems with Boopie and his behavior. One of the incidents I hadnít shared with all of you is that he started a fire in the house. It was a small paper fire that he put out, but anyone that has been reading here long enough knows that I have enough highly flammable and explosive items around that open flame is bad. We arenít sure why he was burning paper, but he also denied it for a good 45 minutes while we were in his room able to not only smell the smoke, but also see the haze around his ceiling light. He has also been lying about a ton of other stuff I havenít shared with you.

He has a cell phone; I didnít want him to have it because I didnít think he would be responsible with it. But his Father bought him one anyway. Since nothing else was getting to him with school and lying I told him he was no longer allowed use the cell phone in the house. Well of course he was using it one evening so I took it away for the rest of the week and told him that if he uses it in the house again, his Father will have to come and talk to me about it. So of course last Wednesday heís in his room and I can hear him using it, so I took it away.

Friday he calls me at work adamant about getting his phone back and I told him again if he wanted it he needs to have his father come talk to me. When I got home I was curious about why he wanted his phone so bad, so I did what any parent doesÖ I look through his phone. Lo and behold guess what I find. Not only was he using it during school (which is a huge no-no in our school district) but half of the messages where to his Father. There were also messages regarding his Father coming and taking him out of school and I no know for sure where all of Boopieís money went. He gave it to his Father. On three separate occasions the deadbeat hit his 14-year-old son up for money in a three-week period.

Saturday night I have some friends over and with out my knowing Boopie and his Father pull up. I was out on the front porch with my friends while they smoked just socializing and I told them they needed to finish up and go inside because this was about to get very uncomfortable for them. I started off calm explaining to his Father what all Boopie had done to lose the phone and verify that Boopie knew the consequences. Then, being a devious person I tested the waters and stated that Boopie had been using the phone during school hours. His Father acted all shocked and preceded to try to scold him and saying he didnít know. That was when I lost it. I donít remember all that I said, but I do know that I called him a farking liar. Explained that I had looked at the phone and saw that half of the in school messages were from him. Then I went on to explain I also knew that he was pulling him out of school. Then I went off on how itís bad enough raising a 14 year old with a 15 year old mentality I shouldnít have to deal with a 40 year old with on too.

I tore the man to shreds. I called him out on not being able to take care of himself let alone a kid. The fact he lives with his grandmother in her house and she does all the work. (I think heís lived on his own for maybe 18 months since Iíve known him, the rest of the time he was living with his parents or his grandmother). He had threatened to kill himself to Boopie back in September and I told him that it was a shame he hadnít followed through with it. The world would be better off if he went home and started sorting gun barrels by flavor, wait that would be wasting a perfectly good bullet, just slice your wrists. I know I called him an idiot or a moron at least 40 times and at one point I told him that ď(he) is depriving intelligent people of oxygen.Ē At one point he accused me of telling him not to raise his voice and I shouted back, ďI donít care if you raise your voice, Iím raising mine!Ē It really devolved from there. The only part I regret is that Boopie witnessed the whole thing.

The sucky part about this whole thing is that they have joint custody. Thus there is little to nothing else I can do. In Illinois we would need to prove he is delinquent as a father in order to get prime custody, and thatís hard to do. I really wish this lump would drop off the face of the earth.

Posted by Contagion in Family Life at October 29, 2007 04:53 PM | TrackBack

While it's too bad that Boopie had to see that, maybe it's something that he needed to see, too.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 29, 2007 08:15 PM

Man, I hate that y'all are even IN that position. Been in a similar one, and I didn't handle it so well. One time. One time I lost it....

But T1G is right. As bad as it feels that Boopie was there, sometimes it takes things like that to wake them up. May not happen right away, but he'll think on it. That's a pretty sure thing....

Posted by: Tammi at October 30, 2007 08:38 AM

Just my 2 cents ...

Sounds like maybe all this lying Boopie has been doing was for covering for his father.

Maybe the father has been telling him if Boopie doesn't do this that Boopie will never get to see his father again, blah blah blah. Like the father is laying a huge guilt trip on Boopie and Boopie is buying all the lies.

Maybe all the guilt tripping by his father is getting to Boopie and causing him to act out against you because he can't act out against his father.

Because you know that physical abuses isn't the only kind of abuse parents can heap on their kids, Boopie maybe going through some mental abuse from his father.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at October 30, 2007 10:15 AM

Yeah, what QW said there!

What a pile that guy is.
I agree that calling a turd a turd might be what Boopie needs to hear.
Most kids belive their parents are "normal" until someone points out otherwise.

Let us know if this revelation changes anything.

Posted by: Roses at October 30, 2007 07:54 PM

I'm going to have to agree with QW. Also, though it wasn't the best thing for Boopie to see that, at least he know how much you love him!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 31, 2007 12:32 PM

I'm with everyone else... what a waste of oxygen this guy is... but as Boopie's father with visitation, he certainly can pull the guilt card and make his son feel horrible.

I'm pretty sure that no matter how bad it was, Boopie need to hear it. *sigh* I'm so sorry you have to go through all this.

Posted by: Teresa at October 31, 2007 01:30 PM