April 20, 2009

It's not roses...

I spent most of my day yesterday getting reading for my first family re-enactment of the season, the Gathering at Macktown. I needed to make some moccasins for Clone so he wouldnít have to wander around barefoot. Also there was a knife sheath I needed to make for a new belt knife I bought last month in Kalamazoo. I really like this new knife; Iím going to be really upset when I lose it. (Iíve lost 2 knives in the last two years.) I also had to sharpen the new knife.

The whole time I was working on this, I was drinking All Natural Cranberry juice. After I finished working on my projects, I continued to drink cranberry juice, but now I added vodka to it. When the evening was over, I ended up drinking over a gallon of Cranberry juice. Yep, a gallon. (Thank god it was sugar free).

This morning I have discovered that drinking that much Cranberry juice has a very interesting effect on the human digestive tract, the colon to be specific. I was at work, when my internal clock went off and told me ďItís time to let out the waste!Ē Yes, Iím so regular that I can almost set a clock by it. Every day at approximately 10:30 AM, this means that I am usually at work when my colon decides to purge itself.

Now, Iím not going to go into a lot of details here. However, just keep in mind there is a lot of Fiber in cranberry juice. The consistency was, to be blunt, less than solid. I can understand that because of the fiber. What I donít understand is why it smelled like someone emptied a can of Cranberry scented air freshener into my colon.

Seriously, it smelled like someone had sprayed cranberry scented air freshener in the bathroom.

I mean, there was still the stink of the colon blow, but it was masked with a sweet and fruity scent. And I know no one sprayed the air freshener, because its vanilla scented in that bathroom. Iím not saying it was pleasant, but it was definitely better than the scent of burnt motor oil.

Iím going to have to try this the next time I drink a Carlyleís Scottish Ale and eat Uncle NicksÖ see if it makes that gas smell better.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at April 20, 2009 01:58 PM | TrackBack

LOLOLOL!!!! No matter what you do, it's still gonna smell like somebody shit a cranberry!lol

Posted by: Dragonfly at April 20, 2009 11:17 PM

Dude- I am impressed that you recognized the vanilla scent in the first place!

Posted by: Rave at April 21, 2009 12:28 PM