June 11, 2005

It was bound to happen sooner or later

It was only a matter of time before Clone discovered the security system. Boopie knows what it is and pretty much leaves it alone, although I swear he is trying to figure out what the codes are to operate it. I know that at his age I would do the same thing, it’s how you secure your ability to make life difficult on your parents. Unfortunately for Boopie, he has me as a father and I’m paranoid. Therefore I send him out of the room every time I need to set/deactivate the alarm. I also wipe the keypad down with alcohol/bleach wipes to make sure finger print analysis wont show up on it. Then after that is done, just to play it safe. I touch a lot of the other keys as well. Did I mention I’m a paranoid person?

This morning while I was making the below Karnival o’ da Kidz post I had my first non-routine contact with the monitoring company. I had just kicked Clone out of Boopie’s room for the third time this morning and sat back down to finish uploading the picture when all of a sudden I hear the alarm going off. (SCREEEEEEEEEEE…) “Panic button pushed, main turrets operated. STAND STILL AND IDENTIFY YOURSELF OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!” (SCREEEEEEEEEEE…)

I go running through the house trying to get to clone before the turrets pop out of the ceiling and start spraying down the house with 50 .cal rounds. I leap over the port-a-prison gate we have set up to keep him out of the dining room. With a move that would make Barry Sanders proud, I plant my left leg and do a reverse spin to my right in order to turn left. I grab clone and run for the main security panel. I try to turn off the alarm, but it was too late. I hear this voice echo through the house say, “WE HAVE A PANIC ALERT ACTIVATED! POLICE, SWAT, FBI, NATIONAL GUARD, RED CROSS AND THE BOYSCOUTS ARE IN ROUTE. DO NOT MOVE, IF YOU DO OUR SECURITY SYSTEM WILL TURN YOU INTO A FINE PASTE BEFORE YOU GET TO AN EXIT”

I reply with, “I’m sorry, my two year old got a hold of my wife’s keys and hit the panic button on the remote. There is no emergency…. How do I disarm the turrets? We really are fine.”


I give them my name and password.


I tell the guy thank you and watch and the turrets retract back into the ceiling. I take Clone upstairs to his now wide-awake mother and explain what happened. Outside there are neighbors looking intently at my house until they see me come out on the front porch. At which point they are turn and flee back to the safety of their homes.

What a way to start out your day.

Some of the details about the security system abilities and the conversation may have been slightly exaggerated.

Posted by Contagion in Family Life at June 11, 2005 09:55 AM

Ahhhh the results of Judge Dredd being repeatedly played on TV lately...

Posted by: S at June 11, 2005 10:14 AM

Ah, the first time we accidentally set off our alarm system we both nearly crapped our pants.

Then came the issue where the circuit board went crazy and would just set the alarm off sporadically, when the fire alarm went off a nasty call was made to the alarm company to fix it now. Cause we didn't have the fire alarm system installed.

Posted by: Machelle at June 11, 2005 05:37 PM

The exaggeration?...

Um... AH! You wouldn't let Federal agents into your house, so your security system doesn't call the FBI!

Posted by: Harvey at June 12, 2005 09:39 AM

Then you can be like us.
We never had a security system.
We never had anything worth stealing.
Some guy did break into our house once and inadverdantly killed our plants that were on the windowsill nad thus exposed to the cold air.
One look at the place and he left. I'm kind of surprised he didn't slip us a sympathy 20$

Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 13, 2005 01:49 PM