December 31, 2006

Happy New Beers!

I would like to wish all of my readers a Happy New Years. Depending on how things go tonight, there may be some drunk blogging, and or crazy stories tomorrow. Especially since I have a keg, a bottle of good scotch, glogg and many other alcoholic drinks just waiting to be consumed. Hopefully everyone had a good year, and next year will be even better.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May luck be on your side.

Oh, and for something a little more warming, I have some New Years gifts for you in the extended entry. Yes, they are marginally NSFW.

A Sexy little New Years Angel, Adriana Lima, for the guys.
Sexy New Year Angel.jpg

And since I have female readers, I'll give a New Years Hunk.
(according to Ktreva)
Sexy New Years Guy 1.jpg

Happy New Year!

Posted by Contagion at 10:27 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

December 30, 2006

So long, farewell, Aufwiedersehn, good bye!

In my opinion, this is about 15 years overdue. They should have taken him down during the first Gulf War.


Hereís a video of them walking him to the gallows. They donít actually show him being dropped, but Iím sure over time that will be leaked to the net.

Good riddance.

Posted by Contagion at 08:39 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 28, 2006

What is a Graumagus???

I was just checking through my stats (Shut up Harvey! I know I said I quit doing that, and really I donít do it as much as I used to. I only check them maybe 3 or 4 times a week now!) and I noticed someone found me by searching for ďWhat is graumagusĒ

What is Graumagus.JPG

I doubt you found your answer to what a Graumagus, especially since most people donít know. As far as I know, there is no definition of a Graumagus. So for you, my inspired inquirer, I will try to answer the eternal question, what is a Graumagus?

There is only one Graumagus (Argumentum Sphinctorus Homo Sapien). He is a friend and companion. One can rely on him when heís needed, as long as it doesnít require him to update his blog, Frizzen Sparks. Then you are out of luck for Graumagus is a fickle creature. He will say he is going to blog, and then he will stop with no notice. Only to pick up a month later lamenting his lack of blogging and getting your roped back in with posts only to go on hiatus again. His last message advised of the demise of Frizzen Sparks. However, he hinted to the fact that it was going to rise from the ashes on a different system. That was over a month ago. The Graumagus is a damn liar when it comes to blogs.

The Graumagus is politically boisterous. He has his views and opinions on everything from what the president is doing to what kind of shaving cream a person should us on their arse. For nothing more then giving him the impression that you are paying attention to him, he will gladly share these with you, in detail, ad nauseum. He can spend copious amounts of time describing the folly of liberal thinking.

Mainly the Graumagus is a useful creature to have around when there is an over abundance of alcohol that needs to be consumed. Thus decreasing the surplus in a region. There has yet to be an alcoholic beverage he will not drink, even at risk to his own brain cells and internal organs. He is also very useful in uplifting spirits and cheering up friends. Of course with the workaholic tendencies of the Graumagus, he doesnít have much time for either.

Oh, and heís Harveyís hetero life-mate and part of the unholy union that spawned many bloggers.

There, that is what a Graumagus is.

Posted by Contagion at 03:58 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Rating Beer.

Some people have asked me questions on my beer ratings. First you have to understand that my 1-10 scale is broken down by quality.

0-3: Swill that should not be consumed by man or beast. This is the type of beer one uses for making beer brats, or in the case of energy beers, water the lawn. If someone gifts you a beer that ranks a 0-3 on my scale, you are allowed to not drink it and pour it down the drain after the gifter leaves. However, you are obligated to gift them a 0-3 scale beer. Of course that is unless they were returning said beer to you.

3.5 to 6.5: These tend to be your standard beers. They have a decent quality, but nothing all that outstanding. Most beers fall into this category. IE any of your standard American beers; Miller, Budweiser, Coors, etc as well as many of your micro-brews and imports. These tend to be the beers that most people drink on a daily basis.

7.0 to 9.5: Beers that are exceptional. These are the beers that when you taste one, you tell all of your friends about with the caveat ďYou HAVE to try this.Ē These are the beers that a person savors and enjoys. These are the beers that brewmasters strive to make. One that if you have a six pack, that last beer will sit in the fridge longer because you donít know when youíll get more. These are the beers that when I find one, I like to buy a six-pack to share with friends so that they can sample it as well.

10: The Perfect Beer. There cannot be a perfect beer, nothing is perfect, there can always be better. You may think you have the perfect beer, and then 10 years down the road someone brews one even better. I highly doubt I will ever bestow a 10 on a beer. If I do, it will be the day I stop sampling new beers.

So there you have it, my rating scale. Maybe itís a little harsh, maybe itís too broad, but thatís how I tend to rate everything on a scale of ten. 3.5-6.5 being average.

You can see all my beer reviews in the Alcohol Archives.

Posted by Contagion at 10:59 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 27, 2006

Sexy Ladies Wanted

The Dyno-mites (Rock River Raptor's Cheerleaders Dance Team) is looking for dancers.

Weíre looking for attractive, multi-talented women in the state line area to represent our organization. To audition for the Dynomite Cheerleaders you must be a high school graduate and between 18-30. Selections to the group will be based on personality, poise, athleticism and dance ability.

WHEN: Sunday, January 28th 10:00a - 4:00p
*Registration begins at 10:00am sharp

WHERE: Holiday Inn, 7550 East State Street, Rockford, IL 61108
*Auditions will be held on the lower level in room AB

Directions: From I-90 W; Take the STATE ST/US-20 BUSINESS exit. Take the ramp towards ROCKFORD. Hotel is located at the intersection of E. State and Bell school rd.

BRING: Recent full-body length photo. Plenty of water and a lunch

REQUIRED ATTIRE: A two-piece form-fitted outfit is mandatory.
Hair must be worn down (no clips or ponytails). Dance or athletic shoes

COST: $20 non-refundable application fee. Please have check or exact change.

*Applications are available online at or at the door!
*If you have additional questions call our office 815 965-7000 or email Jen at

I can think of some pretty sexy lady bloggers out there that could try out!

Would it be creepy if I went to watch? What? I watched the team try-outs. It's for the same reason, I want to see the athletic prowess of the people trying out.

Posted by Contagion at 08:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Screwing the fans.

A couple of years ago the NFL started playing with the starting times of their games. They would move a noon game to 3:15, just for better media coverage. That really burned me one year when my Father, Boopie and I had tickets to see the Packer Jacksonville game.

When we bought them, it was a noon game. The week before we went to see them it became a 3:15 game. This annoyed me as the reason we wanted the noon game was so we could drive up, see the game and get back with enough time so we werenít rushed.
We werenít rushed before the game because we had a hotel room for Saturday night. After the game, we had to run to the vehicle, hop and drive like madmen home. It annoyed me, I bought those tickets because I wanted a noon game and they moved it on me.

This year the NFL decided that during week ten they would start a flex schedule. They would pick one game slated for earlier in the day and put it on Sunday night. Why? Better TV ratings, if the game was more exciting or important more people would watch. Thus they would get better ratings AND advertisers would spend more to put their commercials on during that time. Thereís only one problem. They where screwing the people that had tickets and the ones that made plans based on start times of certain games.

Lets take this weekend for example. The Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers were scheduled for noon on New Years Eve. Being a Packer fan and living in Northern Illinois, I know there where a lot of people that were making plans around this game. Hell even I invited some people over to watch the game before my regular New Years celebrating started. Four different people I know bought tickets to the game back in June based on a noon start time. They where going to go to the game, and then come back and spend New Years Eve with friends and family.

Now the NFL moved the game until 7:00PM New Years Eve. Two of the people
I know that have tickets are being forced to sell them. They donít have anyone that can watch their kid while they go to the game. Itís New Years Eve, most people have plans and no one else wants to cancel their plans for them. Then the other two are thinking of selling theirs because they have younger children that they want to spend New Years Eve with.

Other people I know have to choose now between watching the game or doing their planned activities. Not all places have a TV where they can watch the game. Me, well I donít care what anyone else does, Iím watching the game. As long as the people in the party donít block the TV, they can live with me watching the game while they do other things. Iím more annoyed at the fact that I had planned on having some friends over to watch the game, and now they wont be coming because they have other plans. It irritates me that the NFL has sold out their fans that pay for tickets for corporate sponsors that want advertising. Iím down right pissed off that they have no regard for people that pay good money to see the game.

I can honestly say that I wonít ever buy a ticket for a game during the flex weeks again. Iíd say that I would boycott football during the same time, but I know I wonít. Although my boycott of Monday Night Football has been pretty easy.

Posted by Contagion at 07:53 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

My Goodness, my Guinness!

I know this is kind of cheating, but one of my favoritest bloggers, Richmond, gave me a four pack of Guinness Draught. It would be extremely rude of my to not do a review on it. Plus, itís the only beer in the house. My wife says itís because of my 6-day drinking binge Iíve been on. I say itís because she wonít get off her butt and go buy me more beer. So tonight I dedicate this review to Richmond, the woman that will do the one thing for me that my wife wonít, bring me beer!

Guinness Draught.jpg

Guinness Draught comes in a 14.9 fluid ounce Nitro Can! ďHear something? Thatís the Guinness floating widget delivering you the great taste of Guinness DraughtĒ. I donít know if Guinness invented that little widget, and I know there are other beers out there that have it in them, but dang it. The damn thing is, well, Brilliant! The can is black, with the Guinness harp and the name of the beer on the front.

This is probably one of the best beers to pour into a glass. Itís a drink AND a show all together in one. The beer is a dark brown, so dark one probably could call it black and no one would question it. Itís so dark, light barely passes through it. The head is a thick and creamy tan color that pours thick and lasts long after the beer is gone. Right after the beer is poured the rising of the head and the flowing of the beer downward through it is mesmerizing. The head leaves a good lacing all over the glass.

When the scent of sweet malts, dark roasts and a tantalizing hint of coffee hits the nose, ones mouth will start to water in anticipation. The taste is a near perfect blend of barley malts, a touch of bitter hops and touch of oak. There is a mild aftertaste that has a slight nuttiness to it that is satisfying.

Surprisingly, and some of my readers may disagree, this is a medium bodied beer. There is a creamy mouth feel to it, but there is a slight wateriness to the texture. There is almost no carbonation to the beer, but it doesnít need it with the widget adding the nitro goodness to the beer.

This is one of my favorite beers. I truly enjoy drinking it. With itís lower then average alcohol by volume, one can drink this all day and not end up as impaired. I rate this beer a 7.5 out of 10.

Posted by Contagion at 06:16 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

December 26, 2006

Soft my bruised body!

A word of advice for all the parents out there; Just because the box says Soft Air, it doesnít mean the little plastic BBs come out softly.

For Christmas Boopie received a soft air handgun, shotgun and M-16 (fully Automatic). I figured these would be good starter firearms to get him used to modern firearm safety. We even gave him an electronic target system so he could practice his aim. Thinking these couldnít be that dangerous, I didnít see how it would hurt anything. I mean címon, they are spring-loaded firearms that shoot plastic BBs. Whatís the worst that could happen?

A series of BB sized bruises all over me is what could happen! And before you go yelling, ďYou shouldnít be shooting each other with the gunsĒ, we werenít. I was catching ricochets off of the targeting system. Hell the shotgun is strong enough to have broken the plastic backing on the target box. I put up a backdrop to keep the little plastic BBs from going everywhere, but they would ricochet off of that. I was hit in the leg arm and shoulder. Those little buggers hurt. Hell, one stray shot may or may not have broken a window in a neighborís garage.

Iím just glad I bought him protective eyewear. We donít want him to shoot his eye out.

Posted by Contagion at 07:33 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas!

The breakfast casserole is made and in the fridge for tomorrow. Our goose is almost finished thawing. The presents are all wrapped and under the tree. Now Iím going to go spend the next couple of days with the family. Today we are going to watch some Christmas movies and play some games. Tonight we head over to my parents to finner and presents. Tomorrow we open up presents from Santa and the immediate family. Iíll be cooking a special dinner most of the day and assembling toys, but itís all fun.

At this time I would like to wish everyone a safe, fun and Merry Christmas. May you have a wonderful day!

Since I didnít want you to feel left out after last year, your gifts are in the extended entry. It's not NSFW, but uh... you might not want to open at work.

A Sexy Mrs. Clause for the guys to finish unwrapping:
Sexy Christmas Female.jpg

Santa Has a special delivery for the ladies:
Sexy Male Santa.jpg

Enjoy and use responsibly.

Posted by Contagion at 10:52 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

The Imperial blockade didn't stop me from getting my hands on it!

Right now, in my hot little hands I have a videocassette. I havenít been able to watch it yet; Iím saving it for tomorrow. This might be the most talked about but hardly seen Christmas Special ever. Itís joked about, made fun of, and some younger fans arenít convinced it actually exists.

What do I have? Well my friends, tomorrow I will be watching Chewbacca returning home to celebrate ďLife DayĒ with his son, wife and Father. Thatís right, I have a copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special, AKA ďThe Wookie ChristmasĒ (Well at least according to the insert that came with it). I saw this when it first came out in 1978; I have not seen it since. Iím giddy with excitement over this; this could make this the best Christmas EVER! From everything I recollect it was horrible, but still itís iconically hilarious by being so bad.

The only down side is that itís not mine. It was loaned to me by an acquaintance, and I have to return it Tuesday. Thus I donít have time to get a copy of it. Sigh.

Posted by Contagion at 10:05 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 23, 2006

Catching up with friends.

Yesterday I left work at 11:00 AM to go meet up with T1G. This caused some stir in my employees because I had numerous ones ask if they could leave early and I had to say no. I had too many people off already. Then I leave early. Yea that was great.

T1G and I drove up to meet Harvey and Richmond at a Hooters in Wisconsin. I hadnít seen Harvey since Wolf Fest, and Richmond since Fritzfest. It was nice to be able to talk with the both of them again. Richmond, due to parental responsibilities, was running late. T1G, Harvey and myself kept trying to tell the wait staff there was going to be a fourth person there, but we donít think they believed another person would want to be seen with us. Then of course they kept insinuating that that fourth person was a male. I guess they didnít believe a female would want anything to do with rabble like us.

While we were there Harvey labeled me an Alcowhoric Scrinch. It had something to do with my willingness to do just about anything for alcohol and the fact that I'm not into Christmas. I've got a bad feeling that label is going to stick around for a long time.

After Harvey and Richmond had to leave, T1G went over to his brotherís place oí employment. People, T1Gís younger brother really looks nothing like T1G, based only on appearance you would never tell the two of them were related. However, they sound exactly alike. They have the same voice and speech patterns. If the two of them where having a conversation and you couldnít see who was talking, youíd swear someone is talking to themselves. Iím willing to bet they have to announce who they are when they call their mother. ďHey Mom, itís me, T1G.Ē

Afterwards we headed down to Fritzís to drink there. T1G took some ribbing because heíd been gone for so long that Fritz could no longer afford to send his daughter to college. It had something to do with profits dropping by about 50% since last June. Then I caught some flack for not going down there to pick up the slack of T1G leaving. I told Fritz and the regulars that I was instructed Iím not allowed to go there while T1G is out of town, something about invading his turf. What was really cool was I hadnít been to Fritzís in about 8 months and they all remembered who I was and my name.

It was a good time. It was nice to see T1G before he makes his permanent move to Florida.

Posted by Contagion at 01:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 21, 2006

Disturbing scenes

Okay, I need some other opinions. Today they had the funeral and visitation for the baby that died last week. I did not attend the visitation or funeral because I didnít know her all that well. We needed to have some management stay in the building, and I thought it was Friday this morning so I wasnít dressed appropriately. Not everyone went to the funeral; some just went to the visitation. As they returned EVERYONE described the scene like this:

ďThe baby wasnít in the casket. (The Mother) sat there holding the baby, rocking it back and forth. She would smile at him and talk to him as if he were alive at times.Ē

Iíve never been to the funeral for an infant before. So Iím not sure what the protocol is, but this whole macabre scene not only made me concerned for the motherís mental health, but also disturbed many of the visitors. Even a guy I know that is pretty stout willed found the scene kind of disturbing.

I didnít get to speak to anyone that was at the funeral before I left work today, but Iím wondering if the mother made a scene at the internment. From what Iíve heard and some other stuff I donít want to share due to the private nature of it, Iím concerned she is going to need a lot of serious mental health counseling. Iím not talking about seeing a guy two nights a week; Iím talking inpatient in a ward.

I know the grieving is normal, but is the whole display with the baby usual?

Posted by Contagion at 06:14 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack

Long day.

Itís been one of those days. Ktreva woke up this morning and her voice is pretty much back. Itís a little froggy, but she can definitely say in a loud and clear voice, ďI hope you like the couch.Ē So tonight I camp in the living room again. Iím not even sure what I did wrong. If I was doing something she didnít like, all she had to do was speak up and say so. I told her that a good dozen times. Yet, she didnít make a peep once.

Then I get to work and I start the day off thinking that itís Friday and I get to leave at 11:00 to meet up with some people. Iím rushing through my work to make sure everything is done, assigning projects for the days, sending out all of my ďFridayĒ e-mails. To make matters worse, since I was sending out my ďFridayĒ e-mails, my employees started thinking it was Friday. That was until one of my people responded to an e-mail, ďDid I miss a day, or isnít today Thursday?Ē After a quick check of the calendar and a very audible, ďDíohĒ, I quickly sent out all the updated e-mails. Of course by this time all of my employees where begging me to bend the space-time continuum and make it Friday.

Now, since Iíve lost a day, the whole day went by at a snails pace. I mean everything seemed to take forever, even lunch. I ran some errands on lunch, finished some shopping and bought lunch. I thought I was running late, that I had been gone for over an hour. When I got back to my desk, I had only been gone for 35 minutes. It was at this point I vocally asked, ďWhy? Why is this day going so slow?Ē Lo and behold an ethereal voice responded with, ďBecause you donít want to be here, you should take the rest of the day off.Ē This suggestion sounded good untilÖ ďAnd give your employees the day off too.Ē Then I realized one of my people heard my plea and was hiding behind the wall talking to me.

Which is actually good, because I was starting to doubt my sanity. Either that or I had proof that god exists, is female, and Iím surely in big trouble. Instead I decided this employee needed some additional work, and gave it to them. Never let a good joke go unpunished people, but only if you are the target of it. It makes them think twice about playing a prank on you again.

Finally the end of the day came along, and I head home. Thanks to the traffic the trip took FOR-EV-ER. I really hate the fact that the only way from work to my house either takes me past the Mall or down some of the busiest streets in the city. Finally I get home, and I thought Iíd make a quick dinner so I could get into some Glogg to make the memory of the day go away. Well I started cooking it about an hour ago, apparently I canít bend the space-time continuum to change what day of the week it is, but I can to make Korv cook and potatoes boil. Now if youíll excuse me, Iím going to go see if I can make some beer disappear quickly.

Posted by Contagion at 05:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 20, 2006

Drinking Glögg

Well hell, its Wednesday and time for my weekly beer review. Well unfortunately I didnít realize until just now that I donít have any beer this week. So in the spirit of the season, Iím going to do a Glogg review. Hey, itís alcoholic and dammit, itís either that orÖ well Diet Coke.

Glogg 001.jpg

Really, the packaging is quite unassuming. Iím poured mine from a green glass gallon jug. These look awfully familiar, like something Iíd see at a re-enactment. Most likely at one time it held homemade root beer. Thereís not even a label or instructions on it to tell you what the alcohol content is. Fortunately I know from experience you need to warm this. I also know to keep it away from a heat source. Which makes warming it very difficult.

When poured into a glass it has a cloudy maroon color to it, almost like cranberry juice. It has a cloudiness to it that is typical of any type of mulled spirit. Really, if you didnít know what you had in your hand, it might pass as some kind of warm Cran-apple cider.

How to explain the scent, letís start by my suggesting not to take a huge whiff off the bottle. After uncrossing my eyes I could smell a distinct mixture of raisons, apricots, prunes, cloves, cinnamon a hint of grape and a smidgeon of almonds. That was once I cut through the power of pure grain alcohol. Whew! The taste can best be described as happiness. Itís a fruity mixture with a hint of alcohol to it. Despite the scent, one really canít taste the alcohol. There is a tantalizing mixture of fruits and spices that really tingle the tongue. With about a 65-70 % alcohol by volume, itís surprising how one really canít taste it.

We have here a medium bodied drink. It took a couple of mugs to make sure that I had the right texture to it. As Iím typing, my fingers are starting to go numb. Maybe I should have eaten first.

Iím going to give Glogg a rating of 8 out of 10. Sure, maybe I made it thus I am biased toward it, but dammit! Itís my review and Iíll give it what I want!

Posted by Contagion at 05:20 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 19, 2006

All's quiet on the home front

Christmas has come early to the Contagion house. Ktreva woke up Sunday morning with no voice. And I mean NO voice, not a raspy voice, not a horse voice; Iím talking about a serious lack of sound. Three days later itís not showing any signs of coming back. Itís been so peaceful and quiet around here. Sure, sheís a lot more animated waving her arms all over the place and throwing things at me, but no more ďTake out the garbageĒ, ďDonít you think youíve had enough to drink?Ē, ďYou know, you could help clean around hereĒ and ďFor the love of all that is good in the world, would you let me use the computer?Ē

The best part is that at night I donít have to hear, ďNot tonight, Iíve got a headacheĒ or ďYou are NOT going to put that there!Ē I can tell she's really into it by the way she squirms! Itís not that Iím not listening to her, I really am. I just tell her to speak up loud and clear if she wants me to stop or help out with something. Sheís been awfully quiet about it, so Iím in the clear.

Posted by Contagion at 06:38 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

December 18, 2006

Christmas Meme

Bloggless reader Smokepoles sent me this meme via e-mail. Hey, he called it a meme, and says I have to do it. Iím not sure where he found it at, but since he actually knows where I live, Iím going to do it.

1.Wrapping paper or gift bags? Bags, I canít wrap a gift to save my life.

2.Real tree or artificial? Real, I like fire hazards. It makes life more interesting.

3.When do you put up the tree? After I buy it.

4.When do you take the tree down? When I get around to it. ( last year it was Superbowl weekend)

5.Do you like eggnog? Hell yea, especially when itís real eggnog with brandy.

6.Favorite gift you received as a child? My official red rider carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

7.Do you have a nativity scene? Sure do, every time I tell the boys Santaís on the roof they run outside in all their naivety. Er, wait, that said nativity, nope.

8.Hardest person to buy for? The wife, she hates everything I get her. Especially the fish-net stockings and Santaís little ho outfit.

9.Easiest person to buy for? Clone. Every thing he sees he wants.

10.Mail or email Christmas cards? PfffttttÖ thatís what the wife is for. she fills them out, addresses them and sticks them in the mail.

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A home enema kit. God I wish I was joking about that.

12.Favorite Christmas move? A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.

13.When do you start shopping? When ever the wife does it.

14.Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? UhÖ no?

15.Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My wifeís cookies. Oh and the ones she bakes too.

16.Clear lights or colored on the tree? Whatís with the racial questions? They preferred to be called spectrally enhanced lights. Since Iím a diverse and sensitive kind of guy, I do have spectrally enhanced lights on my tree.

17.Favorite Christmas song? What ever one I start humming in July to annoy people.

18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home, and if I had my choice thatís what Iíd do. But I have to travel all over Rockford visiting my family.

19.Can you name all of Santaís Reindeers? Yes I can, and I know them correctly as Dunder and Blixem not Donner and Blitzen.

20.Angel on the tree top or a star? We have a star now, Ktreva got upset the first year we were together by the way I kept jamming the angel on top of the tree over and over. She felt it was a littleÖ disturbing and obscene.

21.Open the presents on Christmas ever or morning? Both. Extended family on Christmas Eve, from the immediate family Christmas morning.

22.Most annoying thing about this time of year? The people shopping. If only they would let me use a club when I go shopping.

23.Do you have Jebus in your heart this Christmas? What are you trying to imply? Iím telling you T1G and I are just friends; it's platonic. There's no man love there, I don't care what he implies!

24.What would you like for Christmas? My wife wearing last years Christmas giftÖ. With those black leather knee high heeled bootsÖ and telling me sheíll do what ever I want. Which will start with her unzippingÖ. You probably donít want to know the rest.

Thatís it. According to the instructions Iím supposed to tag five people with this. Since I havenít been tagged with a meme in a long, long time, (since April) I really donít owe anyone, so I guess Iím going to be opening the doors of payback here.

So here we go:

A) Blog momma-sis Boudicca of Boudiccaís Voice. Just for neglecting me.

2) T1G of Drunken Wisdom, I guess I have to give him a chance to redeem himself.

D) Richmond of One for the Road. Just because I havenít linked to her in a while.

4) Michelle of Quality Weenie, Because sheís beating me in Pick ĎEms.

E) Tammi of Tammiís World. Since sheís been stuck up and blowing me off in Pick ĎEms.

Posted by Contagion at 07:02 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

December 17, 2006


Yesterday I did something I had wanted to do for a long time. I made glogg. What is glogg you ask? Glogg is a traditional Scandinavian winter drink. Itís like a mulled wine that generally has raisons, almonds, prunes and apricots in it along with spices. Itís served warm, and tends to socially lubricate a person. Traditionally Glogg has a high alcohol content to it, but now a day more people make it weaker or even non-alcoholic so as to just enjoy the flavor.

Me? Nope, I made it in a fashion that only someone with my resources can. (wink, wink; nudge, nudge) Graumagus will be happy to know that my garage wasnít involved at all; it was all made in my kitchen. I started making it yesterday morning and finished bottling it around 5:00 PM last night. In the planning stages I figured on making at least a gallon of glogg. Somehow I went from making a gallon, to making almost two gallons of this winter delight. Of course I ended up drinking a quart of it last night. Quality control and all, I canít just go giving this to people if it tastes bad. If you havenít figured out, mine didnít taste bad.

Oh and is this stuff strong. I set a match to it to burn off any excess fumes. It went up in the biggest ball of blue flame Iíve seen. Ktreva and Clone heard the whoomp when it lit all the way in the living room. So as to not burn off all the alcohol, I quickly put the lid back on the pot to extinguish the flames. Clone wanted me to do it again, Ktreva was just upset I didnít tell her I was doing it so she could see me do the, ďI set my sleeve on fire danceĒ. I didnít really set my sleeve on fire, but it did get singed a little.

Now I know some of you may want the recipe or have one. What Iíve learned over the years is that there really is no recipe. Sure you can find one, I know because I have at least 20 different ones. And thatís the thing. Glogg is made to taste by the person making it. Each persons taste is different then the next. There really is no standard recipe. Heck you can even go to stores and by pre-packaged spices to add to other alcohol to make glogg. There is even a liquid extract you can add to other alcohol to get a glogg flavor. Me personally, I made mine from scratch. I figure if Iím going to make glogg, Iím going to MAKE glogg. If you have a recipe, and you follow it to the letter, look at other recipes. See what they do, you might want to add a little something to yours. Experiment a little. You may be pleasantly surprised.

So Iím not sharing my recipe at this time. I think this is one that Iím going to keep in the family.

Posted by Contagion at 08:38 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Holy night of the living dead.

Everybody loves a good Christmas Carol. Well apparently Zombies do too. I didnít know zombies could sing so well.

Isnít that just the most lovely rendition of Holy Night?

Posted by Contagion at 07:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 16, 2006

Three little Pigs.

When I was in College the band Green Jelly came out. Orriginally they named themselves Green Jell-O, but those damn corporate lawyers made them change their name due to some copyright BS. I actually had a their original CD, Cereal Killer, with the Green Jell-O name on it, I say had as that after getting married and having kids anything I own pretty much becomes public domain. Thus it is subject to being borrowed, loaned out or destroyed with out anyone telling me. I have no idea where the CD is now.

I also had the Video album of all their songs. Yes, that was past tense as well. This was the best song on that album.

Posted by Contagion at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Furniture I can appreciate.

This has to be the coolest table I've ever seen. Talk about an easy conversion to seat more people.

If I only had a room big enough for something like this.

UPDATE: The table is made by DB Fletcher Furniture Design.

Posted by Contagion at 09:05 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Dance badger, dance!

We all remember the entertaining and earworming badge, badger flash animation. This is what happens when someone drops mushrooms, mushrooms and takes the badgers to a rave.

Posted by Contagion at 08:56 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 15, 2006

Too big of a loss.

Youíre sitting at work doing your job. Your supervisor comes up to you and says you have an important phone call you have to take right now in their office. Knowing it must be an emergency to pull you away from a customer, you rush to the phone. Upon answering you hear that your 5 month old baby is being rushed to the hospital because they arenít breathing and you need to get there quick. Thatís exactly what happened to one of the employees at work today.

This poor girl in her early twenties lost her baby this morning. She had taken it to the sitter while she went to work. The sitter had laid the baby down for a nap and when she went to check on him, he wasnít breathing. When the baby arrived at the hospital, he was declared dead.

Her baby was everything to her. She made her life around it. When she started working for my company she was pregnant with the child. Every day she would talk about her son and bring in pictures to show everyone. Just yesterday she brought in a calendar for 2007 she had made up filled with pictures of the boy. Like any mother she loved the boy with her whole heart, and he in return made her the happiest woman I had ever met. I donít know how or even if she is going to cope with this kind of loss.

She didnít work directly for me, but she did do some work for me in my old position. I feel bad for her loss and the death of the child. I fear that the death of her child will destroy her bright and positive disposition. Her positive outlook on life and her friendly warmth will be gone forever. My imagination isnít strong enough to even comprehend what it might be like to lose a child. Iíve never been in that position and I hope that I never will.

Now if youíll excuse me, I need to go give Clone a hug. The baby and Clone have the same first name. Iím feeling awfully parental right now.

Posted by Contagion at 04:59 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

December 14, 2006

Tons o' tips.

Yesterday I bought lunch for my employees as an appreciation for all of their hard work. I let them decide where we would get lunch. Of course getting 18 people to agree on anything takes a minor miracle. After much debate, some mediation and finally my drawing a circle in the parking lot and letting two of them fight it out with staffs, they decided on a local Bar-B-Que joint.

When I called the restaurant two weeks ago to order the food, they where very helpful by assisting me place my order. They asked how many people I was feeding, asked me what I wanted. I went with pulled pork, rib tips, coleslaw, potato salad and cornbread muffins. They then helped me determine how much of each I would need. Everything sounded great over the phone.

Yesterday I went and picked it up. After I paid for the food, they brought out a huge bag with three large foil pans. I knew I had too much food, there was no way my team was going to eat all of that. Then the lady told me there was more. I ended up having to have two of their employees help me carry it all out to the truck. I had 10 pounds of tips, 8 pounds of pulled pork, 3 quarts of coleslaw, 3 quarts of potato salad and 24 cornbread muffins. Yea, there was no way they were going to eat all of that.

Out of all the people eating, I was the only guy. 18 women are not going to eat close to a pound of meat each. That would be enough food if I were having 10 guys over for an all day football festÖ maybe. That meant there was a ton of left over food. I offered it to my peers, to my bosses, to my bossís peers, to the secretaries in the front office, security, etc. I still had at least 8 pounds of left over meat, and at least one quart each of coleslaw and potato salad. Since I was the one that ordered it, I got to take it home.

Now as you all may remember, I loves me some good bar-b-que. This, however, is not good bar-b-que. Donít get me wrong, it tasted just fine. Actually the pulled pork was excellent, but this is nothing like the homemade stuff I make or some of those mom and pop rib shacks Iíve visited. The tips were kind of tough and the sauce was a little on the weak side. Now donít get me wrong, that doesnít mean Iím not going to eat it. It just means that Iíve had much better.

For two nights now weíve been eating on bar-b-que pork. They boys are happy, Iím happy; Ktreva really could live with out the new and strange body odors that are emitting from us. Now if youíll excuse me, I need to go hose the sauce off of the keyboard. Typing and shoving rib tips in my mouth at the same time is kind of messy.

Posted by Contagion at 06:59 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 13, 2006

Pick Axe Pale Ale

Tonight we are on the last of the Tommyknocker beers. Luck of the draw had me saving the worst for the last. Tonight we had the Pick Axe Pale Ale. As many of you may remember, Iím not a huge fan of Pale Ales.

Pick Axe Pale Ale 001.jpg

The standard brown bottle is once again the delivery system of choice. On the front we have two Tommyknocker elves mining with a really over sized pickaxe. The back label has a brief description of the beer again with the history of Tommyknockers and the dating system. According to the date, this beer goes skunky tomorrow. Iím really cutting it close.

When poured into the glass you have a healthy looking beer with a nice cloudy bronze color to it. There was about a quarter inch of a head that lasted until the beer was gone and left lacing all up and down the side of the glass. The Pick Axe was the first Tommyknocker beer to actually pour a decent head and have it last.

The aroma was an almost overpowering scent of green hops. Very bitter to the nose and almost drowned out the underlying hint of citrus and pine. To be honest the pine scent may be coming from the tree sitting next to the computer desk. Nope, took the beer outside and it still has a hint oí pine. The taste was bitter mix of hops with some malts. Occasionally I thought I could taste a subtle hint of oranges, but Iím not sure. There is a very strong and bitter aftertaste to it.

This is a medium bodied beer with a strong carbonation to it. There is a bite on the tongue and a slight coating action to the mouth and throat. When drinking something bitter, this is not a good thing.

I really did not enjoy this beer, probably because I donít like most pale ales. Iím going to have to give this a rating of 3.5 out of 10.

Posted by Contagion at 06:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

She has some good stuff.

This is a two-for. Over at Not Exactly Rocket Science, CalTechGirl has two posts up that really touched me. The first being a little song about Christmas Shopping. It doesnít exactly convey how I feel about shopping, but itís pretty close. I donít tend to cry after shopping because Iím a man and we just donít do that, that would require a level of sensitivity I just canít posses.

The second post is regarding a Firefly/Serenity convention that went wrong and how cool the actors were. Iíll steal her thunder with the Christmas song, but youíll have to go read the post about the convention over there.

Posted by Contagion at 05:38 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Rock River Raptors 2007!

They finally announced the 2007 schedule for the Rock River Raptors. Yea, the NFL season isnít even over with and Iím already excited. Probably because I have season tickets for these guys!




All home games are listed in bold with kickoff at 7:05 p.m. local time.

Posted by Contagion at 04:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 12, 2006

Enough with ESPN.

All right, Iíve had it. You all know I love my football, but Iíve given up on Monday Night Football. There is no way I can watch the games anymore. It has nothing to do with the games; itís the damn announcing. Al Michaels and John Madden used to annoy me with there ranting, but at least it would pertain to football. Joe Theismann, Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser (Henceforth known as Kornholer) will babble on about anything that trips their triggers.

They even bring on guests to interview DURING the game that have nothing to do with football. They talk over plays and then have to go back to get a recap of what happened. When they do try to provide insight itís like listening to most women talk about the game with men wearing tight pants.* Itís usually stuff that everybody knows or has just seen on the screen. They drive me nuts. Iíd rather listen to Clone try to explain calculus to me than these three blather on.

Iíve tried listening to the radio while the sound is off on the TV. The only problem is that when it shows the three of them yapping like old women, I can hear the plays they are missing. Why bother?!? Thus Iím done. I will no longer watch Monday Night Football until ESPN looses these three or makes them actually announce the game they are at.

I wish the guys the best of luck; hopefully they will get better as time goes on. Oh, and Theismann, break a leg.

*Some women can actually talk football and not sound stupid.

Posted by Contagion at 08:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Being sent back up.

I guess I tempted the fates. Almost a year to the date of my last visit to Sensitivity class I find out today Iím being sent again. This time is utter bullshite. One of my employees did something wrong. Per our cooperate guidelines I was supposed to take some pretty drastic measures. After reviewing the case I felt my employeeís actions where a result of improperly communicated procedures.

Desperate to find an alternate method of dealing with the problem, I found a loophole that would satisfy corporate and have no punitive consequences on my employee. I.e. it ended up being a stern warning of ďDonít do that againĒ. Perfect huh? Everyone would be happy right? Wrong!

Corporate didnít have a problem with it. My employee on the other hand felt it was unfair. She felt I was being unreasonable. Okay, there really were only two choices in the matter. I either take the severe route the corporate dictated or use the loophole I discovered, (Which according to 5 people in upper management only I would have found). The corporate way left her with one foot out the door and no chance for promoting, getting a raise or collecting any bonuses for a year. My method changed nothing, except her access to a region on the systems. Yep, Iím being unreasonable.

This employee got together with another employee that has been having issues and filed a complaint against me. They may be legitimate about some of their concerns, but why it wasnít a problem 4 weeks ago, but it is now I have no idea. Oh wait, it all came to head last Friday. (Yea, they brought up issues that happened between July and early November.) Since my company really doesnít give any protection to management if something like this happens, itís their word against mine and I lose.

The dates of my next trip havenít been determined yet. Once I know for sure I will let you know, hopefully Iíll have a laptop by then so I can live blog my experiences.

Want to know what really burns me up. One of their complaints was that I donít appreciate any of my employees and do nothing to make them feel like they belong. Yet since November Iíve been planning an appreciation lunch for them tomorrow. Iíve included all of them on deciding what day we were having it and what food is going to be served. Itís being fully catered in. Right now Iím half tempted to call the company doing it and canceling. If it wasnít for the fact I think that would do more harm then good, I would.

Posted by Contagion at 07:01 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

December 11, 2006

Ginger Bread Houses.

We had a full weekend here in the Contagion family house. Saturday Ktreva and I took Clone to do some Christmas shopping. Folks let me give you some advice, if you are going to go shopping at crowded stores with packed parking lots; donít drive the extra long pickup truck. With almost no available spaces and people parking like idiots, itís really hard to navigate in and out of the spaces. At a local Best Buy store not only are the spaces narrow so they can squeeze more cars in, the lanes are narrow as well.

When we came out of the store I had two cars parked so close to me I could barely get the doors open wide enough to climb in. I also had to make a 54-point maneuver to get out of the stall with out hitting anyone. Thatís with me getting less then an inch away from the cars around me.

After shopping we took Clone to Midway Village for a Victorian Christmas Traditions show. It wasnít exactly what I thought it was going to be, I was hoping for more into the Victorian era customs surrounding Christmas. They did go into some, but it was more of a fun thing for kids. At the different buildings the kids were able to do different Christmas crafts. At the Printers, Clone was able to make a Christmas calling card with his name on it with an authentic 1800ís printing press. The Hardware Store had curled paper snowflakes. In the bank Clone made a Christmas ornament out of candy, string and tissue paper. Which was fun at first, but he got bored with rather quickly when we wouldnít let him eat the candy.

In the Blacksmith shop he properly told people what the smith was doing, much to the surprise of the smith. I just explained weíre re-enactors and he sees smithing all the time. We skipped the cornhusk dolls and the yarn angels. Clone really had no desire to do any. At the hospital he had cookies with Father Christmas, AKA Santa Clause. Except it was the historical Father Christmas. He was tall, thin and wearing a green coat. Not the Coke-a-cola version we are all used to today.

In the houses they had them all decorated for a Victorian Christmas. The trees had candles, bows, and homemade ornaments. There was garland ropes and holly held in place with red bows and ribbons. It was really neat to see. At the last house we stopped in they were making gingerbread houses. I wish they had gone into some history behind gingerbread houses, but when I asked one of the volunteers she looked at me as if I had asked her to list pi to the 874 place. Clone had a lot of fun with this. He made his very first, and probably last, gingerbread house. I think what he had the most fun with was making a mess.

Ginger Bread House 001.jpg
Yes, thatís frosting and not glue holding it together.

Ginger Bread House 003.jpg
I know; thatís a lot of frosting.

For once Clone actually sat down and did a craft for almost 30 minutes. He had fun smearing the real frosting (Egg whites, powdered sugar and cream of tartar) which was great until the frosting dried. At that point it hardens into a concrete like substance. That is why they use it for gingerbread houses. Its mortar you can eat.

We finished our day at the village with a horse drawn sleigh/wagon ride around the village. It was a little cold, but with all of us huddled together under lap blanket it really gave you that winter sleigh ride feeling. The horses even had jingle bells.

After we left there we bought a Christmas tree. We set a record this year. We found the perfect tree in less then 5 minutes of arriving. Clone is very excited over having a tree in the house. Now the fun of keeping him away from it starts.

Posted by Contagion at 06:32 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

December 08, 2006

Terrorism in Rockford!

Iím sitting at my desk today when a peer of mine comes up and says to me, ďDid you hear that someone tried to blow up the mall?Ē At first I thought they where kidding or had some misinformation. There is no way that anyone would want to blow up Cherryvale Mall. Well apparently Derrick Shareef (AKA Talib Abu Salam Ibn Shareef) wanted to. Thatís right, someone was planning on doing a ďterrorist attackĒ in order to ďcommit acts of violent jihad against targets in the United States as well as commit other crimes in order to obtain funds to further his goals of violent jihad.Ē Plus he had other ideas.

Now of course this guy didnít think things through too well. His weapons of choice where two handguns and four hand grenades he was going to put into trashcans located around the mall. Now I donít have any first hand functional working knowledge of a hand grenade, but unless Iím completely wrong this is an anti-personal device. There isnít a lot of explosive power; it just sends shrapnel in every direction trying to kill anything living in its ďdanger zoneĒ. Thus putting these grenades into the cement containers is not going to have the desired effect this guy is thinking of. If Iím mistaken, please let me know.

Plus the guy thought he could get four grenades and two handguns for a set of stereo speakers. Those have got to be some extremely nice speakers. The last time I checked hard to find items such as grenades donít come cheap. If I found a guy that was willing to part with four of them AND two handguns for a set of speakers, I would be thinking Fed. Especially if they set up the trade for the parking lot of a Walmart. Then again when you are blinded by your hatred of the country you are in, I guess you arenít thinking too clearly.

Finally, Why Cherryvale Mall? Sure, initially he was looking at government buildings in Rockford and Dekalb, but he ultimately decided on the mall. Within an hour and a half are two larger malls in a more populated area. I would think either Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg or Gurnee Mills mall in Gurnee would be better targets. Cherryvale Mall isnít that large of a mall. Even in the Christmas greed season when itís busiest, I still think itís less busy then those other two. If you were going to go Jihad on Northern Illinois, Iíd think youíd want to get the most targets at the same time. IE would 9-11 have been anywhere near as tragic if the planes crashed into a K-mart?

But what really gets my dander up over this whole thing is that the AP press is saying it was a Chicago area mall. Hey numbnuts, grab a farking map and look. Cherry Valley is a good 90 miles from Chicago. Hell, itís roughly 40 minutes of farmland before you get to the nearest city that could be considered a suburb of Chicago. Sure maybe not everyone knows where Cherry Valley or even Rockford is, but damn I didnít know that giving generalized areaís of where something newsworthy happens is good reporting.

Either way they caught the guy before he did any harm. Would I call him a terrorist, okay in the loosest sense of the word, but he seems to be more of a raving lunatic.

Posted by Contagion at 05:35 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

December 07, 2006

It's lutefisk time!

In just a few minutes here Iím going to be heading out with the boys for our annual Lutefisk dinner. Weíre all excited. Itís been one day short of a year since the last time we were able to feast on the joyous delight that is lutefisk. If your not sure what lutefisk is, see this post from last year.

As part of the dinner tonight we will also have real Swedish meatballs and Korv (Swedish Christmas Sausage). There will also be rice pudding, new potatoes, fresh lingonberries, lefse, pickled beets and real rye bread. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Growing up in a Norwegian/Scottish household has exposed me to various different ethnic foods, and trust me I love every one of them.

For those of you that want to know what it looks like, here is some uncooked lutefisk.


Doesn't that just look delicious?

Youíll have to excuse me; Iíve got to get ready to go now.

Posted by Contagion at 05:34 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 06, 2006

Better then winky

Your Penis Name Is...
One Eyed Wonder Weasel
Penis Name Generator
Posted by Contagion at 08:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack


Pronunciation: 'kšr-m& also 'k&r-
Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence.
2 Getting gleeful amusement for something that happens to another individual that once did the same thing to you.

It seems my blog momma-sis, Boudicca, thinks that That1Guy is going to shoot his eye out if he gets a firearm for Christmas. I think she got some long overdue revenge for me for a certain photoshopping incident that happened last February.


Excuse me while I laugh maniacally.

Posted by Contagion at 06:52 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Not a bad idea.

On my way home from work I heard an interview with a representative for LifeLock. Itís a company that for $10.00 a month protects you from identity theft. They even guarantee it.

Our guarantee is simple: If your Identity is ever stolen while you are our client and your claim is legitimate, we will fix the problem. Period. No matter what it takes. And we'll reimburse you for any losses you incur. No matter what it costs (up to $1,000,000).

The guy was so sure of his company that he gave his social security number out over the air. It sounded pretty impressive, I donít have any first had knowledge about this company, but I thought I would share the information with all of you, it is the season you know; the season for greed, theft and materialism.

Speaking of theft, I also heard on the radio that three red kettles where stolen from the local Salvation Army today from different locations. They estimated the thief(s) got off with over $500.00 in donations. I guess some low-lifeís kid is going to get a Play Station 3 for Christmas.

Posted by Contagion at 06:23 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Like a Glacial Stream.

I almost forgot it is Beer Wednesday! Thatís the second most unforgivable sin I could have done. The first being actually forgetting it is Beer Wednesday! Let me start off by saying that Iím ready to finish these Tommyknocker beers so I can get onto something completely different. Yes, all the beers have a different flavor to them, but they are pretty similar in quality. That being said, tonightís beer is the Tommyknocker Alpine Glacier Lager.

Alpine Glacier Lager 001.jpg

Once again we have the traditional brown bottle with front and back labels. The front has one oí the Tommyknocker elves climbing a glacier as a ram looks on. The back label has a brief description of the beer and the history of Tommyknockers as well as a dating system. This beer will go bad on December 9, 2006. Boy, Iím cutting this cone close arenít I?

Upon pouring into a glass the first thing I noticed is that this lager actually has cloudiness to it. Light passes through its golden yellow body, but you canít clearly see whatís on the other side. The head is very thin and turns filmy after a couple of minutes. There actually is some lacing on the side of the glass.

I could smell an enticing combination of corn and other grains. There is a hint of sweetness to it that comes from the malts used in the brew. With a hint of sweet malts, the flavor is that of various grains. The flavor fades into a very mild grassy aftertaste that surprisingly isnít unpleasant.

Like most of the other beers made by Tommyknocker, it is a light bodied beer that is very smooth to drink. The 12 ounces disappeared before I got to the second paragraph. There is a good level of carbonation. The feel off this beer is veryÖ inoffensive.

I may be ranking this beer a little harsh because Iím not in the mood for this type of beer, but Iím going to give it a 5 out of 10.

Posted by Contagion at 06:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 05, 2006

Only Clone.

Ktreva is getting ready for Christmas. Decorations and pictures are going up around the house. There is now a picture of Clone when he was one sitting on Santaís lap next to the computer. Iím sitting here catching up on some of the blogs I read when Clone comes up to see what Iím doing. Right away he notices the picture of himself with Santa. He starts doing the excited hop. All the parents out there that have or had children that where this age know exactly what Iím talking about.

With all the glee and excitement that only a three year old seeing Santa can muster, her yells out. ďLook Dad, itís me and the Ho-Ho!!Ē

Tomorrow I need to buy a new keyboard.

Posted by Contagion at 06:39 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 04, 2006

I'm not surprised either.

You Are Whiskey

You're a tough drinker, and you take it like a man
That means no girly drinks for you - even if you are a girl
You prefer a cold, hard drink at the end of the day
Every day, in fact. And make that a few.
What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

As stolen from Quality Weenie.

Posted by Contagion at 01:51 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Sensitivity Class strikes again.

Oh, and I just noticed that sometime yesterday I broke the 50,000 visitor mark. Yea, I know compared to my blog parents and most of my siblings, this is nothing. I, However, find pride that my 50,000th visitor was searching for Sensitivity Class. Iím still the second hit on Google for that. I'm sure it has to do with these.

Which reminds me, itís been almost a year since Iíve been sent to sensitivity class.

Posted by Contagion at 01:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

When I least expected it.

Just my luck. During all the snow fall and the resulting clean up on Friday, I didnít get hurt. Sure there was some muscle soreness, but nothing that wouldnít go away. This morning as Iím walking out of the house I slip on an icy step. When I fell I drove my right knee into the ground. This is the knee I had surgery on 3 years ago.

I just got back from the doctor. Heís pretty sure Iíll be okay, but Iím supposed to take it easy on it for the next couple of days. Weíll see how that floats with the rest of the family. Now excuse me, Iím going to go take some painkillers and watch a movie.

Posted by Contagion at 12:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 03, 2006

Date from Hell.

I would kill the producers of this show for setting me up with a girl like this.

Blind Date From Hell - video powered by Metacafe

I'm really impressed with how composed and the level of civility that the guy maintained. If it had been me, I'd have told the beoatch off.

Posted by Contagion at 10:17 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Just good eatin'

I'm pretty open to all kinds of food. I'll try meat from any animal at least once, just to see how it tastes. Yet for some reason this just seems wrong to me.

Who would go to that kind of trouble to eat a squirrel? The lady that is doing the talking seems a little off too. Who the heck would take squirrel melts to a football game or tailgate party?!?!?!?!

Yet at the same time, they do look kind of good. Maybe I should try one.

Posted by Contagion at 09:12 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 02, 2006

Tragic Death

The burger wars have finally gone too far.

Burger Wars.gif

Now Grimace is going to put a cap in the Kingís arse for revenge.

Posted by Contagion at 09:43 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Fun With Food.

A couple having trouble in the bedroom seeks the help of a well-known sex counselor. During their initlal consultation, the professional tells the couple they need to undergo a routine physical, and after completion, she will be able to help.

The couple does as they are instructed, and they come back a week later.

"OK! After reviewing my physicians notes, we're ready to start." she says. "I see that you two are both in great health, and in your questionaire you both stated that you genuinely love each other. So let's start somewhere. What seems to be the problem?"

After uncomfortable glances at one another for a brief moment, the man's wife speaks up.

"Well, I'm still very attracted to him, that's not an issue. I guess we've run out of things to try," she says.

"Have you tried grapes and doughn.u.t.s?" the counselor asks.

"I beg your pardon?" the man replies.

"Grapes and doughn.u.t.s. Go to the store tonight, and buy both. When you get home, go to your bedroom, undress, and you sir get on the bed. Have your wife play ring toss with the doughn.u.t.s, and... well..."

"Um, ok?" he says.

"When she lands a ring toss on the pole, her prize is to eat the doughn.u.t off of... the pole," says the counselor.

"Ahh... I get it." says the man.

"What about the grapes?" asks the woman.

"After he's aroused from the game of ring-toss, trade places and get on the bed. Have him try to make a field goal by flicking a grape into... your..." the counselor stalls.

"OK, I get it, and his prize is to fetch the grape, right?" she asks.

"Yes, you've got it! Now go to the store, and get home!" commands the counselor.

That night, the couple did exactly what was stated. Each ring toss that she got, she ate the doughn.u.t off, and every time he scored a field goal, he would fetch the grape out with his tongue. The couple was so amazed by the results that they shared their success story with a couple of friends who were having bedroom trouble as well.

"Here's the number, give her a call. I guarantee you won't be sorry!" says the woman to her friend.

So the new couple goes to see the therapist, and again, after the initial visit and physical, the couple returns for their news.

The counselor is pacing back and forth in her office as they walk in.

"Sit down, sit please... I'm not sure how to..." the counselor blurts out. "I don't think I'll be able to help you."

"WHAT? NO WAY. You solved our friends problem, why can't you help us?" begs the man angrily.

"I just can't. This is very difficult for me to say..." she says.

"What is the problem doctor? Won't you at least try?" begs the man's wife.

"I don't know..." the couselor stalls.

"Please, you've got to understand, we've tried four or five doctors before you. We've got to have an answer to our problem!" says the man's wife.

After many seconds of stumbling over thoughts, and trying to find the right words, she finally speaks. "Well... OK... On your way home tonight, stop at the store. Buy some Cheerios, and some watermelons..."

As stolen from an e-mail sent to me by a friend.

Posted by Contagion at 09:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Another second gone.

Ever wanted to know how long you have left to live? No, well then youíre just weird because everyone wonders that. Over at The Death Clock they can tell you what day you are going to die and how many seconds you have left to live.

Me? Yea, I always knew I was going to die young.

Death Clock.JPG

Yes, I answered honestly.

Posted by Contagion at 09:29 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Job Venting

Think you hate your job? Maybe you have had a bad experience with an employee. Perhaps there is a co-worker or boss you despise. Now there is a site for you to go and vent to anonymously or read otherís problems,

Iíve read many of the posts, some are legit, some are stupid, but there are many that are amusing.

Posted by Contagion at 09:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 01, 2006

So I was wrong.

Well, Iíll be damned; the meteorologists actually got one right. Heck this morning on the TV one of the local guys even made the comment, ďWe finally made an accurate prediction on a winter storm.Ē I just got in from shoveling 13 inches of snow off of my driveway and sidewalk. We donít own a snow blower mainly because we donít have enough pavements to justify the purchase. Top that off with the rest of the day Iím hurting.

Yes, I went to work. I loaded up the family in Janine and headed out. We had no trouble navigating the roads what so everÖ then again a couple of times Ktreva had to point out I wasnít on the road anymore. Damn snow made all the landmarks disappear and I couldnít tell where the edge of the road was. Still, we couldnít tell we werenít on the road and we had no trouble what so ever. After dropping off the boys we headed to work, I even took the scenic tour so we could view the idiots that where in accidents. There were 7 cars ditches, 3 rear-endings, 2 intersection t-bones and 1 jack knifed Tractor-trailer. . The idiots who think that four wheel drive means they donít have to be careful were out in force When I stopped at the gas station to get something to drink, the people working thought I was insane for enjoying the weather.

Of course I get to work and a quarter of my staff has called off. ďItís too dangerous to drive.Ē Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever. 3 of the people that called off drive 4-wheel drive SUVs and one lives less then a mile from work. They just didnít want to come in and used the snow as an excuse. My employees that did show up even thought they were over-reacting. Especially since two of them told everyone the day before they where going to call off. It just annoys me that some people have a lack of work ethic. The ones that did show up today had a cakewalk day. I let them work on what ever they wanted and all the management got together and brought in pizza for them for lunch.

Now there is some downside to this weather. We have a new plowing company at work and they did a crappy job of cleaning off the parking lot. Not only did the not clean the entrances out, but they started late and plowed a lot of people into parking spaces. I spent most of the day helping employees at work get their cars out of snow banks, drifts and plow piles. I dug and pushed out 19 cars from 7:00AM to 2:30 PM. Some of my employees started worrying that I would hurt myself and wanted to know why no one else was helping. The told me that I should stop. As I told them, if I was stuck in the snow I would want someone to help me. Thus I see people that need help, Iím going to help them. Itís the golden rule; treat others as you would like to be treated.

Right now Iím sore from head to two. So if youíll excuse me, Iím going to go medicate with some Jack Danielís.

Posted by Contagion at 06:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack