Miasmatic Review

Brokeback of the Dead.

There’s wrong, there’s more wrong, and then there is most wrong. This has to be one of the most wrong things I’ve seen for a while. Since I found this, I figured I had to share it.

I’m going to go kill some zombies now.

Feeding the Bass

When I was a kid I used to do a lot of fishing. In a lot of the local stores you could get a lure that looked like a mouse. I knew it was for bass and other larger fish in the lakes around here, but I had never seen any fish actually eat a mouse. Until I found this video of a guy feeding his pet bass a mouse:

C’mon that’s kind of cool. And for your animal cruelty people, lighten up. Animals eat other animals.

Fun with simple motors.

For my next meeting at work I am going to bring in a double a battery, some copper wire and a magnet. Just so I can do this:

It’s always fun to have people look at me strangely in meetings. It keeps them from asking my opinion.

Boomshine

Gah, I really wish I would stop finding these games, but I can’t help it. Here’s a nice little one called Boomshine. It’s a chain reaction style game. You set off one “explosion” and it causes the other moving dots to explode. There are twelve levels. The last one took me about 15 minutes to beat.

Contagion Therapy

In the comments to this post, Richmond made the suggestions that I should start a new blog series based on my being a therapist.

Maybe this could be a new blog series - "Therapy with Contagion" has a nice ring to it... ~Richmond

I laughed at that, and then I snickered, finally I chortled at the thought. Who would want to get advice from me? So I responded to her by e-mail that no one would ask me questions. To which she responded, yes some people are insane desperate bold enough to see what I would say. Plus if they didn’t, I could just take questions asked to Dear Abby and give my own answer to them.

Hey, I could do that. Sure I could. I mean I live a sound healthy life with a happy family and everything is perfect. Hey! Don’t roll your eyes at me! Anyway, I’m going to give it a shot. But I would like a little help from you. Instead of pulling my questions from Dear Abby, I would rather try to help some of my loyal readers out. If you need advice or are having a problem, I’d like you to go ahead and ask me. You can either leave it in the comments or if you want to remain anonymous send your question to contagion_1 AT yahoo DOT com. Once a week I’ll post my advice.

Lets get moving people, help me to help you… get your head out of your arse! :)

You can Blame Richmond for this.

Harp

I made a mistake this week. It wasn’t until late last night that I realized that I it was Wednesday. That meant I had a beer review to do. It was too late for my deadline yesterday, so I’m doing it a day late. Hope no one is too upset, especially since I ended up not doing one last week. This is the last review for the month of March, which means the last Irish beer for a while, this week I did Harp Lager by the Guinness Brewing Company.

We have a standard 12 oz brown bottle with a front, back and neck label. The labels aren’t all that fancy, a cream oval on a dark blue background. It has the name of the beer and the picture of a harp on it. Along the bottom it tells you that it’s “From the brewers of Guinness.”

When poured into a standard pint glass, the beer itself has a nice golden to straw yellow coloring. It’s clear with no distortion or cloudiness at all. It formed a nice half-inch head that dissipated very slowly. As the head disappeared, it left a good, thick lacing on the side of the glass.

The smell was kind of week. There was a nice floral scent of hops with a touch of malts to it. There was a citrus undertone like that of lemon that helped enhance the hops and malts. The flavor was that of malted grains with just a touch of hop bitterness. The flavor wasn’t very strong. I’m even going to say it was a little on the week side.

This is a light bodied beer. There is a nice level of carbonation that makes it easy to drink. It’s very crisp and refreshing.

This is not a bad beer; I’ve had it before and was never overly impressed with it. Since it is an import, I’m not sure it’s actually worth the price for the quality. I’m going to give Harp 5 out of ten.

Contagion the Therapist.

I saw this over at Leslie’s Omnibus.

You Are 96% Grown Up, 4% Kid

Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions. In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist!

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Yea, me a therapist. I might be emotionally mature, but I also have almost no empathy. I get over things quickly, but I don’t care if I hurt someone else’s feelings. I also tend to be brutally honest. So basically me as a therapist would be: “Get over it, grow up and get a pair you whiney arsed wussy. I’m about to give you a swift kick in the arse to jump start your attitude adjustment.”

Illinois wants the Illegals.

It took me 15 tries just to start the next sentence I’m so angry. The Illinois House has approved a bill that will give driving “Certificates” to Illegal immigrants. Seriously, they did, in a 60-56 vote.

”The state would offer driving “certificates” to people who lack the valid Social Security number needed to obtain a regular license. The certificates would allow them to drive and buy auto insurance, but couldn’t be used as identification”

Seriously folks, it’s bad enough that my governor wants to jack up my taxes and drive businesses out of the state so he can bring in a health plan that will cover ANYONE who is in the state. Now the house wants to give a valid driving “certificate” to any Tom, Dick and Juan that wants one? Sure there are some requirements to get one:

”To get the certificates, people would have to provide a photo ID, such as a passport from their native country, and submit fingerprints. They also would have to prove they’ve obtained insurance within a month or the certificate would be canceled.”

I don’t know if the illegals bring a passport or not with them, but I’m willing to bet they are going to start. About the only upside to this that I can see is that if they apply for one, at least now we might be able to track them and finally deport their illegal arses if our government ever decides to rectify their rectal-cranial inversion. On the downside we’re just caving in more and more to the illegal culture.

On my way home they where discussing this on the radio, and much to Ktreva’s shame and embarrassment I actually called in on it. Some of the supporters are toeing the line that the Illegals are driving anyway and tend to flee the scene of accidents because they don’t have a valid license or insurance. They are saying that with this at least if a citizen is hit by an illegal the citizen’s vehicle and medical bills will be paid. I’m saying that if we deported the illegals, they wouldn’t be driving on our roads anyway. And it’s not going to cause more lines at the already overcrowded Department of Motor Vehicles.

On the radio and in the above linked article there is talk about a similar program created by Tennessee in 2004 that failed in less then two years because people were coming from other states to get a certificate through fraud. Mix our licensing issue AND the fact we want to give free* healthcare to anyone in the state, citizen or not, I can see our illegal population skyrocketing.

At least there is still hope. Maybe the state Senate will vote this down. I guess I know what I’m going to be talking to Senator Dave Syverson about in a couple of weeks.

*By free I mean being paid for in the exuberant taxes that are going to have to be paid by legal citizens of the state.

bubbles and swords.

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve posted anything really about the boys, with pictures. You may recall that last weekend was Clone’s fourth birthday. We had a lot of fun and he scored himself some pretty cool toys. Which is both good and bad.

Ktreva and I found these foam swords that were made so that kids can actually hit each other with them and not get hurt. Hell, Clone and Boopie whack away at each other with hard plastic lightsabers. I was tired of listening to them scream and felt these would be perfect. Soft foam swords, shields and daggers for the boys to play with. We ended up buying two complete sets for Clone, that way the person he’s going after can actually defend themselves.

BTW, soft foam swords still hurt when they hit Mr. Happy and the Good Time Boys.

Clone also scored two bubble guns. One is completely automatic that works like a squirt gun, you load it with bubble and it will continue to shoot until you need to add more bubble juice (?) to the tank. My parents gave him that one. Ktreva and I, based on a recommendation from another parent, bought him a battery powered one that you have to dip into a tray. That one puts forth a cloud of bubbles that will completely cover an entire room.

Yea, bubbles of doom!

He got some other toys, such as a Playmobile and a Fischer Price castle, a basketball hoop, and a new game for his V-Smile. But it’s mainly the swords and bubble gun from hell that he plays with the most.

New Neighbors

Well it looks like I’m going to be getting yet another set of new neighbors. As many of you may remember, I actually try to keep my neighbors at a certain fear level of me. It’s healthy… for me. I’ve been known to do things that actually scare them. Some of my antics I’ve posted, others I have not.

Like an incident when I was checking to make sure the .45 wasn’t loaded while standing in the driveway. I pull back the slide and let it go just as the neighbor lady walks out the front door, at which point she abruptly turns around and goes back inside… quickly. Apparently having a guy with a firearm in front of her house made her nervous. Well there’s been many of other things I’ve done, but I’ve never actually done anything to hurt my neighbors.

Now today I come home from work and see the house next door is up for sale. Apparently my newest neighbors don’t want to live next to me any more. I tried talking with them, but of course they just pretended not to see me and ran into the house. Maybe I shouldn’t have been wearing the sleeveless T-shirt with skulls on it.

So there you have it, another set of neighbors I’m going to have to break in.

Dreams

I’m a bit on the melancholy side this evening, and not even the thought of Grau cat-fisting brings a smile to my face. No, I did NOT type that wrong.

Have you ever had a dream that while not impossible, it would be really difficult for it to come true? But if it were to happen you would be a fool to pass it up. Like say, since you where 12 you set your heart on one day owning an original 1954 Oldsmobile F-88, one of the rarest cars on the planet. You talked about it, and dreamt about one day actually owning this vehicle. All your friends and family know this what you have been dreaming about.

Then it happens. The planets align just right and through a series of unlikely events not only does the opportunity to buy this car come up, but also you can actually afford it… barely. This is the chance that will probably never happen again. Your family knows about it and wants it to happen for you. As you contemplate the purchase of this vehicle you look at what it’s actually going to cost you. Not just the immediate cost of the vehicle, but the maintenance, the storage and the non-financial costs. Purchasing this vehicle you discover will stress your relationship with your family and friends.

These burdens, both financial and emotional, will last at least for five years. After doing the math, you’re pretty sure you can handle the financial burden… barely and if no new or unexpected costs come about, but you’re not sure about the emotional. You spend weeks or even months contemplating is it worth it. Will you finally be able to fulfill your dream? If you do fulfill your dream will you end up possibly bringing yourself to ruin? Passing on it, however, will disappoint a close family member greatly as they share a similar dream. It’s a weighty decision that one does not make lightly.

I was put into this situation a couple of weeks ago. Something I wanted, but thought I would never be able to get landed at my feet. I know that the chances of this happening again are pretty much nil. And after weighing the benefits and the consequences, I came to a decision.

Sometimes, dreams just aren’t meant to come true.

And now I feel like a part of me has died. There is an emptiness in me that I’m not sure will ever be filled again. Sorry for being so morose, but it’s what is on my mind.

Football Fun.

WHAT A NIGHT! Normally before the Raptor games I go to Carlyle Brewing company to do some tailgating since you aren’t allowed to tailgate in the city limits. Yesterday since we decided to go to the Raptors sponsored tailgate party. They had a VIP section for season ticket holders. Since they were going to do something nice for us, I figured I should go check it out. Well we did and to be honest I wasn’t all that impressed.

When we arrived at the park we had to go through the security shake down. Fine, I can understand that, but they really should get a security guy that is familiar with what Illinois licenses look like and their renewal processes. He was completely thrown off by Ktreva’s and my license. To quote him, “I’ve never seen a renewal sticker for a license before.” Which is sad, because I got my renewal sticker 4 years ago.

You couldn’t just buy beer or food; you had to buy tickets in order to get beer or food. Depending on what you where getting depended on how many tickets you needed. Well, I don’t know how much I’m going to need in advance, and there is only one place to get tickets, which wasn’t by the beer or food tent. Thus many trips back and forth to get tickets.

They stated the tailgating was going to start at 4:00 with food and drink. Well they had Bud, Bud light and Bud Select (Bleh to all three). The food wasn’t ready until almost 5:30. The VIP section was supposed to have it so we didn’t need to wait in line with everyone else to get food and drink. The drink wasn’t a problem, food however caused quite a bit of commotion.

They had a live band for everyone to enjoy, the band was name Ten Times Better. Well to steel a line from Ktreva, “Just about any other band would have been ten times better”. It may have been the sound system they where using or the mixing board, but they didn’t sound good at all. All in all I pretty much decided I’m not going to back to their tailgating party again unless there is a band I really want to here. IE I know someone playing in the band.

The game itself rocked. Unfortunately we lost. But I did get another game ball. My favorite player, Jeremiah Thompson scored a pair of touchdowns. After his second touchdown he came over and threw me the ball he scored with. Then after the game I stuck around to get him to autograph it.

And that’s how I got kicked out of the MetroCentre. They set up these tables for all the players and the Dynomites (Cheerleaders) to sit at. They had a line for people to walk down the row of tables so each person can autograph something. Well I didn’t want everyone’s autograph, just Thompson’s and he was in the second to last spot. After waiting for 30 minutes just to get onto the field, and the line was moving slowly, I asked a guy if I could just run over and get Thompson’s. He told me he couldn’t let me do that and then he said we probably won’t get anything signed anyway because they have to close in 20 minutes and the line wasn’t moving fast at all.

When he walked away I turned to Ktreva and Boopie. I told them to stay in line, I was going to go get Thompson’s autograph when a break in the line got to him. Quickly I ran over handed him the ball and said, “Thompson, sign this before they kick me out.” As soon as he started signing it, two security guys came running over, “Sir, we can’t have you cut in the line like this we’re going to have to ask…” Me, “No problem, I just wanted his autograph on the ball he scored a TD with. I’m out of here.” Thompson gave me the ball back and I was escorted off the field. Ktreva and Boopie left the line and we headed home.

I did have a great time and I’m looking forward to the next game in a couple of weeks. This morning I have no voice. So for those of you expecting a phone call from me today, it’s not going to happen.

I know the secrets that you keep

Hey cell phone users out there. I’m not sure if this is a hoax or real, but damn

Yea, that’s interesting. Honestly I'm thinking its a hoax. I can't see how they would be able to do something like this. I know technology has improved, but there would have to be some kind of power to the receiver for it to get a signal to "turn on". Then again even when I have my phone turned off the clock still keeps track of time so I guess it could be on some kind of passive power supply. Still, I just don't see how this would work.

Hat Tip to IHMC(NSFW) for the story.

Sandcastles in the sky

Sand castles, when I was a kid I would spend hours making sandcastles. Mostly I made them on the beach at the campground that my parents and grandparents went to all the time. I made everything from little forts that I would destroy with my GI Joes to an entire sand community that was about to get squashed under my feet while I pretended to be Godzilla.

I was never very good at making sand castles. They didn’t look all that great, nor where they generally all that creative. Mostly it was just piles of sand that had been shaped into buildings, forts or actual castles. The best I ever did was one that actually kind of looked like Fort Sumner from the Civil War. Yea, it was destroyed.

It has been at least 20 years since the last time I even attempted to make a castle. But If I did make one today, I’d probably still want to destroy it. So when I saw these video’s I was enthralled by it. Sand Castles exploding… in reverse. It’s kind of neat to see them reform.

This makes me want to go to a beach with some black powder.

It only needs a bodhran.

Okay, this is about a week late, but it’s still funny. Ever wonder what if the Beatles were Irish, what would their music sound like?

Sure the guy seems to be a conservative bashing liberal, but this clip is still funny.

So excited!

Tomorrow is a big day. I’ve been counting the days for a while now in anticipation. Now I could tell you that tomorrow is important because it’s Clone’s birthday, and I guess that wouldn’t be wrong. But that’s not why I’m so excited. Tomorrow is the first day of football season!

Wait, did I say football season? Yes I did. The Rock River Raptors have their first game tomorrow night. I bought my season tickets again this year, the same incredible seats I had last year. Now I know some people say that Arena football is not real football. They would be wrong. Sure the field is shorter and there are fewer players on the field, but they hit just as hard, if not harder. Remember they are playing on lightly padded concrete and constantly are run into walls and flipped into the stands. These guys get hit so hard that you can feel it in the stands. A lot of these players played college ball or are trying to get into the NFL. They work hard and trust me; they are worthy of the respect that should go toward any athlete.

I’ve completely thrown myself onto the Raptor bandwagon. Well, it is only their second season in Rockford and I’ve had season tickets, best seats in the house if you ask me, for both seasons. I’ve bought jerseys, shirts, hats, etc. I’ve even bought Ktreva and the boys various Raptor gear. I’m even getting a custom made Jersey this year. They changed their jersey style and I wanted to get one of my favorite player’s jerseys… so I did. I’ve completely thrown myself into the Raptor camp.

So tomorrow night at this time, I’ll be in the stands getting ready for kick off. What are you going to be doing? If you’re in the area, I’d suggest heading to the MetroCentre and watching the game. It’s well worth the price of admission.

Watch for flying mud.

I heard about this video clip on the radio yesterday morning on the way to work. Then again today on a different show they mentioned it, I hadn’t seen any of the blogs I normally read post this. I’m not saying they didn’t, I may have just missed it.

I guess the mudslinging and image bashing start early this election season. What really gets my goat, besides the fact that Obama is from Illinois, is that Obama didn’t feel he had the merits to go toe-to-toe with Hillary. They had to result to crap like this already. Sure some of you might think that mudslinging and this type of crap doesn’t have any insight into the candidate that is opposing the “victim”. I disagree.

When I see crap like this, it just tells me that Obama’s people feel that Hillary is better for the job, so they need to make her look worse in the publics eye. That way Obama will look better. And that folks is just me simplifying it down to basics, it’s really not that plain. If Obama really were the better candidate, he would be able to sell himself on his platforms, accomplishments and accolades alone. He wouldn’t need his campaign people or supporters starting a smear campaign. Since there is nothing that actually links this commercial to Obama's campaign staff, I can't give him too much crap. But we can tell it was done by someone that supports him over Hillary.

Don’t get me wrong; I know a lot of candidates do this. That doesn’t make it right. I don’t care if they are liberal, conservative or independent. It just tells me that the candidates that are being put forth are lacking in character. Those types of candidates are not the ones I want in office.

Fortunately in the Democratic primaries I don’t have to worry too much about who I’m going to vote for, I don’t get to. I’m not a registered Democrat; then again I’m not a registered Republican either. I just love my independence.

I don't know where he gets this.

I love my kids. They’re great… really. But sometimes I just want to duct tape them to a ceiling fan. Take for instance yesterday morning. We’ve been working with Clone on potty training; he’s turning four on Saturday and is in pre-school. He’s been doing pretty well. He will use the bathroom to drop a deuce with out a problem. It’s when he has to drain the main vein that we run into issues.

He just does not like to use the potty. From what I can tell, it’s just out of laziness. He doesn’t want to quit doing what ever it is he is doing. Thus he ends up with a pair of jeans soaked in urine. That’s pretty annoying and it’s not all the time. It’s the days he does it 2-3 times in a day that it gets really annoying.

Because of his wetting issues, we’ve taken to “reminding” him to go to the bathroom. This usually consists of me saying, “Clone, go upstairs and go to the bathroom, NOW!” Clone is Mr. Independent. He does not like to be told to do anything or have anything done for him. He wants to do it all himself on his own schedule. So when we remind him to go take a piss, he gets upset. There will be crying, pouting and occasionally screaming over having to go to the bathroom.

Yesterday morning I get Clone up and am getting him ready to go. Of course it’s time to do the morning emptying of one’s bladder. Clone is in the bathroom crying that he doesn’t have to go while he’s pulling his pajamas out of the way.

Me: Don’t forget to pick up the toilet lid

Clone: I don’t have to go potty (pulling off pajama bottoms)

Me: Put up the toilet lid.

Clone: I don’t have to go potty (Pulling off night time pull-up)

Me: You better put that lid up.

Clone: I don’t have to go potty. (Pulling up shirt)

Me: You better not…

Clone: I don’t have to go potty. (As he pees all over the lid to the toilet.)

Me: God DAMMIT! (Cleaning up piss)

Yea, he lived, but only through the graces of all that is good in the world.

Why I'm a big pansey.

I’ve been whining about a head cold for three days. Which if that isn’t bad enough, I ended up leaving work early today because of it. The incessant dripping of mucus down my throat was annoying enough, starting to lose my voice was even worse. When the front of my face felt like it was trying to bulge out like balloon almost made up my mind.

The icing on the cake was when I made a huge no-no. I took some Nyquil at work. Which, normally isn’t bad. I just get a little groggy but I feel a hell of a lot better. Well not today. My brain when into a vapor lock and I ended up making a huge mistake. How huge, uh well I ended up violating some Federal laws. It wasn’t intentional. But in my Nyquil addled mind and rush to get work done before a meeting I completely missed a simple step in one of our procedures.

This allowed someone’s personal information to be released to the wrong people. Quickly I jumped on the phones and started calling all over the place to do damage control. I think everything has been taken care of, and the information was stopped before it was actually sent out. We won’t find out until tomorrow if they where able to stop it in time.

So now I feel like a big wussy. Because I couldn’t handle the discomfort of a head cold I ended up making a big mistake.

Where's the beer?

I’m sorry but tonight’s beer review is being postponed. Not because I don’t have any beer, quite to the contrary I definitely I have a beer to review. It’s the fact that I have a tremendous head cold. Mixing Nyquil and beer doesn’t bother me, hell my home remedy for a head cold is 1 part Jack Daniels, one part Nyquil and a Tavist-D. It’s a time tested concoction that makes the pressure in your head disappear.

So why am I not doing a beer review? Simply it is because of snot. That’s right snot. The review would be:

Aroma: This beer has the strong heady scent of snot with a mix of hops, barley malts and boogers.

Taste: The absolutely wonderful scent is only enhanced by the flavor of snot with a nice roasted malt background. Unfortunately the taste of snot over runs everything else.

Mouth feel: Tonight’s beer is a medium bodied lager that drinks easily. It leaves an interesting coating in the mouth and throat that is very mucus like. This helps the snot aftertaste linger.

Sadly enough, I actually drank one of the beers in order to try to review it. The above is pretty much what I got out of it. Since I’m pretty sure that the beer does NOT have a snot like taste of scent, I’m going to wait until this head cold clears up before doing this weeks review.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go get a Snot-Coke to help wash the Snot-beer taste out of my mouth.

There's no cure.

For a while now I’ve been a very sick man. I’m not alluding to my head cold that I mentioned in the below post. There have been some very serious issues with me, and they haven’t been getting any better. Slowly I’ve been getting progressively worse.

I’ve been trying to keep up a good face about it, but I think my friends and family have figured out something is wrong. As things have progressed they’ve started to alienate me, or at least it feels that way. I see and hear less and less from them and they’ve stopped inviting me out with them. Not to be all machismo about it, but I can handle that easily. What bothered me was not knowing what was wrong with me.

Finally, today, I’ve been given a partial answer. They finally diagnosed my condition. I found much relief in that. Unfortunately, it’s incurable. There is absolutely nothing that can be done about it. I probably won’t die, but I will suffer for the rest of my life with it. I guess I’ll just have to learn to cope with it, as it’s also not treatable.

I have Chronic Lyricosis. There are two different versions of Lyricosis.

1) Singing so poorly that nobody can understand what you’ve sung; 2) Not knowing the actual lyrics, but singing anway. Usually type one causes type two in the listeners, therefore the condition is considered contagious.

The sad thing is that have I both versions, even if the second version is somewhat voluntary. Yes, I know the correct lyrics to Celin Dion’s “My heart will go on” is: Near far wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. I always sing, Near, far alone or in a bar. I believe that beer tastes better. Sure the Carpenters wrote, “Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime that you are near.” But isn’t it better “Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime I drink beer?” Of course Joe Crocker meant the lyric to be, Love lift us up where we belong. Where eagles cry, on a mountain high.” And I’m sure he’d kick my arse for me changing it to, “Love lift us up where we were wrong. Where the eagles die, way up in the sky” but I just can’t help it.

I prefer making up my own lyrics. They are a lot more fun to sing. Though in the fact that I can’t hold a tune in a dump truck and often sing in a Scottish burr, does it really matter what lyrics I sing? I mean usually people are running away from my absolutely horrible singing voice. Many years ago Grau’s family, Wes’ Family and mine went camping. They had a karaoke contest. Although I know I’m a bad singer, I was kind of hurt at the fact that they where honest to goodness surprised that I didn’t win the worst singer award.

Well, at least I know why they don’t invite to go karaoke anymore.

Oh, and as for the real health issues, uh… they still don’t know. It’s pretty bad, oh and I’ve gotten so used to coughing up stomach acid and bile all the time that I’ve gotten accustomed to the taste and actually kind of enjoy it. Yea, I know.

Mr. Contagion takes the stand.

I feel like I’ve been put through a washer. Last night I started developing a sore throat, that turned into a full blown head cold by midnight. Between the post nasal drip and the river of snot flowing from my nose, it was a little difficult to get any sleep, which didn’t help the cold any. That meant my mental capacity is not working at fully acceptable levels all day.

Then to make matters worse we had the first day of a three-day Audit at work. Not an internal audit, but an external audit. An outside company came to check our policies and procedures as well to make sure we are in compliance with State and Federal law. Guess who has to go before the audit review board this afternoon? That’s right, Mr. Groggy head. Why me? Well to be honest, I do most of the inventory tracking, I almost always wear a shirt and tie to work even though I don’t have to, and I’ve had experience going through these before.

I knew this was coming and that I was going to have to give testimony, but I didn’t realize what it was going to be like. I spent an hour and a half being grilled by a panel of four over where we get our information, how we come up with our figures, and how we confirm that the information is accurate. Since two of the panel have never worked in my industry, it was really difficult to try to explain things to them.

About half way through, I started developing a headache. That made things even more difficult. Then they start questions where I came up with these procedures and policies. Folks, I would like to say that my mouth filter kicked in and that the last year of working hard to be a better corporate citizen paid off…

…but it didn’t. I spouted off, “I didn’t. Someone else came up with them, I was just taught how to find the data using these methods and have been doing it since. If you really want to know why things are done this way, I suggest you come back three months ago and ask the guy whom I took over doing these reports for.”

Yea, probably not the best answer. An hour and a half later I’m finally released from my tribunal. I feel like I was raked over hot coals. At one point I had to lead the panel on a field trip to my desk to give them a demonstration of the reporting system and basic math. No I’m not joking. I couldn’t get them to grasp the concept that Beginning inventory + Receipts – Ending Inventory = Releases. Yes it was really that simple.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go mix some Jack-quil D to take care of this head cold… and to forget.

Because I get to do it again tomorrow… only over a different procedure.

I'm tellin ya, it's true!

Graumagus found this piece about gun violence. Normally I wouldn’t blatantly pilfer from him, but anyone that knows me KNOWS how close this hits to home. I’m just saying.

Damn Grau, you gone and done good!

A fool and their money...

Damn, I hate when I do something stupid, especially when it involves money. I was raised with the financial belief, “Do NOT spend money you don’t have.” Sometimes it’s necessary, such as in an emergency or if you are buy a house. Heck, I’ll even allow cars. Not everyone can pay for a new $18,000.00 car out of pocket. Other then a handful of situations, you just don’t spend money you don’t have.

Many of my employees at work have already spent their tax returns, and they haven’t even filed yet. They figure they are going to get a large return so they went out and bought new TVs, computers and other items on credit planning on paying it off when they get their tax refunds. The problem is that a couple of them are going to be paying on these for a while because unless they are getting $10,000 back from the Feds, they aren’t going to cover what they’ve already spent. ($6,000 TV, $1,300 Computer, $1000,00 Home Theater plus the other little things they are putting on their credit cards saying, “I’ll pay it off when my refund comes in”) And yes there are at least three people that work for my company that is in this situation.

Me, I don’t do that. I try not using my credit cards to pay for anything unless I pay it off by the end of the month. If I don’t have the money, I’ll wait to have to pay for something. That is until last summer. We had just gotten new windows put in the house and I was going to install a window air conditioner that didn’t fit. We ended up looking at getting Central Air put into the house. You may recall the escapade regarding the electricity and contractors.

I was able to get the electrical done in the house, and paid for it out right. However the Central Air I thought was going to have to wait until this year. That was until I found a place that would finance, one year no interest, same as cash. I was still hesitant, but as much as I like to see Ktreva all hot and sweaty, she doesn’t like to be that way. So I caved in and financed the damn AC with the intent to pay it off before the year was up. “When we get our tax return….”

All was well. I kept saying, when we get our tax return, we’d pay off the loan. No finance charge, no hidden fees, nothing! We’re good to go! Had our taxes done, found out we were going to be getting a bit more back then anticipated. NICE! That’ll help cover the cost for the Packer tickets and then some… if I make it. We got the money and all of a sudden it’s like I didn’t remember my own philosophy. I got spend happy. New cell phone, new clothes, new shoes, buying trinkets and eating out… then I sat down to pay off the lawn and realized I had over spent, by a lot. Not horribly, but enough to put a crimp in my plans. Yes, I’m still getting the loan paid off, but now I’ve got to scrape up the difference for the Packer tickets. I had the money easily, I just couldn’t control myself. It really pisses me off.

I just can’t believe I did that.

Deer hunting is for pansies

It’s been a long time since I’ve done any hunting, and it’s always been in North America. After seeing this video, I’m not sure I would want to go to Africa on a hunting Safari.

Notice how many shots it takes to bring down the lion. I’m just not that good of a shot.

I just love to rent guns!

A friend of mine sent me this commercial for Don’s Guns.

Apparently they are in Indianapolis, Indiana. I love the fact you can rent just about any gun you want to shoot. However, is it just me, or does this guy seem a little… off?

Killing more creeps.

Harvey thinks I’m going to hate him for finding another Tower Defense game.

Nah, because while he was finding a desk top version, I found a Flash Circle TD. It’s yet another Tower Defense game, except this time you have two lines of creeps that march in a circle and you can not have more then 100 on the board at a time. Yea, it gets harder then it sounds after about 20 rounds.

I don’t know why they keep making these games other then to get me to ignore my family.

Informed

People change over time. Sometimes it is small things and sometimes it is something big. Up until about a year ago I had no interest in politics what so ever. I really could care less what was going on because I honestly felt that it didn’t matter what I did or said; it would never change anything. Sure I voted, and kept up with current topics, but I never really got involved. It all seemed like a complete waste of time. If there was something I actually felt strongly opposed to, I figured someone else would speak out against it.

I didn’t even want to talk about politics because I felt it was a boring and depressing topic. Many of my friends have heard me say, “Enough with the talk about politics.” Sure many things going on angered me, but what good did it do? Nothing I said or did would ever change anything. That’s pretty much how I handled politics for the last 15 years.

As new laws were passed that upset me, and new taxes put in placed that drained my income, I just became more convinced that nothing would ever change. I grew more and more bitter. Neither political party appealed to me. Both sides had issues I agreed with and both sides had politicians that scared me that they were in office. On the other hand both sides had stances I disagreed with. I just couldn’t relate to either. I remained independent.

Things started changing with me in November of 2005. Politicians in the city of Rockford decided that they wanted Home Rule. This pissed me off; it was too much power to the local politicians. I actually got out and spread the word about Home Rule and why I didn’t want it. I even used this blog to help spread the word and did a radio interview. To this day, we still don’t have Home Rule, thankfully.

The drive for this must have disturbed a sleeping monster inside me. I started following more and more the local politics; I started listening to talk radio (Much to Ktreva’s chagrin and embarrassment). Then something happened that kicked that monster awake. I received word about the new gun bans here in Illinois. That brought forth an interest in politics I never thought I would possess. I started writing letters to my state senator and representative, I started making phone calls and trying to rally others to the cause. I drove to the state capital to lobby. My political activity was getting me noticed. In doing so I inadvertently did something else.

I got my name on some lists.

Not necessarily bad lists, but those lists of local political interests. I received information from various politicians’ offices and even an invite to an invitation only meeting, which I attended. This morning I went to a breakfast meeting that had my state Senator, Representative, other state reps, the Mayor of my city and other elected officials. We discussed the Governors new budget and how it was going to affect the citizens of Illinois.

I found myself really getting involved. I also found myself getting a lot of attention. Most of the people in the room all seemed to know each other, even across party lines. None of them knew who I was. I was a nobody. I could almost hear their thoughts, “Who is that, and why is he here?” It was intimidating. Elected officials where coming up and introducing themselves to me. Other behind the scenes players where probing me for my opinion on topics, just to see where I stood on the politics at hand. Then I realized; they didn’t see me as a nobody. I was a somebody. I was a citizen that was taking time to exert my opinion and influence on the political process. Maybe I wasn’t a VIP, but I wasn’t a nobody. I was someone who could make a difference. Someone that could support or oppose there cause and bring others to share my views. I was keeping myself informed. The most dangerous thing in politics is an informed citizenry.

Now I’m looking forward to my next meeting and the next forum.

It amazes me how much I’ve changed.

Murphy's Irish Stout

To keep with this month’s theme of Irish inspired beers, I’ve chosen one that actually comes from Ireland. It’s a beer that some have had the pleasure of trying, while others may not have heard of it. This week I review Murphy’s Irish Stout by Murphy’s Brewery.

Murphy’s Irish Stout comes in a 1 pint Nitro Can. “The ingenious floating Draughtflow system in the can enables you to enjoy the creamy head of draught style Murphy’s from a can.” I’m pretty sure this is very similar to, if not the same, as Guinness’ floating widget. The can is tan in color with a shield insignia over the name of the beer.

We have another beer that is a drink and a show. It’s a very thick beer and the nitro system infuses the beer with gas making a beautiful display of bubbles rising to form a thick tan head that lasts. It leaves a nice lacing on the side of the glass. The beer is black like coffee in color. Light doesn’t really pass through the beer at all.

The tantalizing smell of dark roasted malts enhanced with a touch of cocoa and hint of coffee tickle the nose. The smell is light and not overpowering, it’s an enhancing side to the main course that is the taste. Upon taking the first sip, the mouth is awakened with blend of flavors. Roasted barely malts dominates the taste with underlying flavors of coffee and chocolate malts. There is a touch of hopps to it that makes a good finish that isn’t too bitter.

This is a nice medium to heavy bodied beer. There is a nice creamy texture to it that coats the mouth and throat. The nitrogen infusion from the can gives it a good “carbonation” that keeps the beer from being too heavy.

This happens to be a beer I truly love. I would rather drink this then Guinness any day. Unfortunately it’s not as common as Guinness is. This beer is an 8.0 out of 10.

Second Ammendment wins.

Damn, I can’t believe I missed this:

Court Overturns DC Handgun Ban

A U.S. appeals court on Friday struck down a 30-year-old Washington, D.C., law that bans handguns in homes, a precedent-setting ruling that dealt a setback to a city with one of America's highest crime rates.

By a 2-1 vote, the appeals court broadly interpreted an individual's constitutional right under the Second Amendment to bear arms, and concluded the law violated those rights.

Hey, maybe things are starting to swing our way! Go over and read the rest if you are interested in how the courts may be positioning on similar bans. I wonder how this will affect Chicago?

Illinois Gun Owners Lobby Day 2007

What a whirlwind two days. My friend J-man and I went to Springfield for the Illinois Gun Owners Lobby Day (IGOLD). It didn’t go quite as planned, but I still feel that something was accomplished, and I honestly feel like I did something good. I would like to thank the Illinois State Rifle Association for sponsoring the event, I think they did a fabulous job and what problems there were really could not be laid at their feet.

To be honest there where only a couple of real problems in my handbook. Since I drove down to Springfield, and didn’t take one of the buses, I had to find a place to park. Apparently there is a severe shortage of public parking places in Springfield. I drove around for 30 minutes trying to find anything. Most of the metered spots were only for 30 minutes to 2 hours and when I did find a 5-hour spot the damn meter was broken. I ended up parking in an abandoned lot with a bunch of other vehicles. Technically I think I was parked illegally, but I didn’t get a ticket so I don’t care.

When we arrived at the Howlett building, there was a line waiting to get in. No problem, most government buildings have strict security. A gentleman in a suit, whom unfortunately I missed his name, came out and advised that the reason for the hold up was that the room was packed. They had a much larger then expected crowd turn out. I believe he said it was almost three times as many people then they anticipated. Which was cool, it’s good to see that there are enough citizens that are concerned with this issue. I didn’t mind waiting, as I felt this was a good cause and I was glad so many people showed up.

When we finally got into the auditorium for our session, I was a little disappointed. First the PA system in the building worked horribly. All it seemed to do was take the words the speaker was making them into a slightly louder garbled mess. Since I already have some hearing problems, I missed about 75% of what was said. J-man said he missed over half. We were given a packet of information and some directions on what they wanted us to do (Which we couldn’t hear). Both J-man and myself were hoping that in this session there were going to be people talking about and explaining in more detail the various laws they want us to oppose or support. I’ve read their material, but both of us really wanted a more in-depth explanation behind these bills. I think the ISRA missed out on an opportunity to educate here.

The Howlett building, the Capitol and the Stratton building (Where a lot of the representative’s offices and meeting rooms are) are all connected by tunnels. They told us that we want to use the tunnels so we don’t have the hassle of having to go through metal detectors and security check points each time. That sounded great… at first. The problem was that with as many people that showed up, plus the normal staff, other visitors and what ever other people where there, it was hot and stuffy. To make matters worse, it was unseasonable warm, a nice 75 degrees and I overheard one of the staff members saying that there was a problem with the ventilation system, and it wasn’t working. That made it at least 95 degrees in that building. Everyone was sweating like a dog. Towards the end of the day we ran into another friend of mine Giles and a friend of his. We all decided to go to the same committee to let our presence be known. Giles and his friends are smokers, so they wanted to walk outside to the Stratton building instead of taking the tunnels. At first I was just going to meet them there, because I didn’t want to deal with security. I’m glad I changed my mind. It was so much cooler and nicer outside. It was a much-needed break from the stagnant heat.

I never was able to see my Representative or Senator, they where in committee meetings the whole time, or avoiding the crowd. We did leaving calling cards as to why we were there. When we showed up to most of the committee meetings, they where packed with people, most of the time it was standing room only. Everywhere you turned in any building you would see someone wearing an IGOLD button or shirt showing his or her support for the Second Amendment. There was no mistaking the presence of the pro-firearm lobbyists on Wednesday.

Now we just wait and see if we had the impact we were hoping for.

How to keep your neighbors in fear.

When your oldest son is in the back yard shooting his softair guns, make sure you yell loudly and angrily at him, “God dammit, use a proper stance. There is no way you’re going to be able to shoot accurately if you can’t hold the firearm properly.”

Then follow that statement with, “Once you get better, I’m going to get you some human targets. That way you get accustomed to shooting at the human form.”

Yea, the neighbors didn’t come out to talk to me tonight either. They all just watched through windows.

Chances of getting lost... very slim.

I’ve had the same cell phone for almost three years now. I like it, it’s plain and simple. Since I rarely use my phone for anything it suited me well. I didn’t need nor want a camera on it or anything like that. Like all things, after time it started to malfunction. The battery wouldn’t hold a charge and occasionally it wouldn’t turn on or off, it would be stuck in a start up position where you couldn’t do anything. Oh, and it was starting to work like a small heater. It would get up to temperatures that just wasn’t right.

Ktreva wanted to get a new cellphone, she wanted something newer and more stylish. On lunch today we headed to the store we have our cell phones through. We walk in and Ktreva instantly finds a phone she likes. It has all the bells and whistles and gadgets that she wants. I other the other hand can’t find anything I like. They either have too many gadgets and functions on them or they look god-awful. As I was looking around I saw one phone that advertised something that actually caught my attention. It had a GPS navigation system.

Folks, I love maps. I’m not ashamed to admit that I spend hours studying maps just so I can become more familiar with places. With this fascination comes another problem. I expect anyone on trips with me to have the same skills with and respect for maps. They hardly if ever do. Now I find a phone that will take the place of my unfit navigators. After looking, I found other phones that had this capability, but I didn’t like the feel of them. So I ended up buying a phone that takes pictures, videos, can play music and a bunch of other stuff I will never use just for the navigation system.

On the way home from work I played with it, and let me tell you, it was great. It auto updates if I miss or make a wrong turn. Then it gave me voice warnings of pending turns and then telling me when to turn. With a push of a button it will map out where you are at. This has to be the best idea anyone has ever come up with for a phone. My father has one of those large GPS systems for vehicles and this works just like his… only I can’t talk to mine, and it’s even more portable.

If you have Verizon, and a phone that can handle the VZ Navigator system, I’d highly recommend looking into getting it.

All good things end.

Well I went to school with Clone, I PASSED! I was able to count to ten, knew all of my colors, and didn’t get any of my shapes wrong! I are smart. It was interesting to see how he interacted with the other kids. We arrived a little early and were waiting out front with the other parents. I knew something was wrong right away.

First as we were standing outside all the kids were running around playing in the mud, except Clone. As other Fathers were yelling at their kids to get on the sidewalks and behave, I was standing there holding Clone’s hand. This is not like my son. Any chance to run around and play in snow or mud; Clone would be all over that in a heartbeat. If other kids are doing it, there is no stopping him. Except Saturday, no he was a perfect well-behaved angel.

When we get into the classroom the other kids are running around and yelling. The teachers are trying to get everyone settled down so they could start their program. Clone takes my hand and leads me to his spot. We sit and wait for the others. One of the other dad’s says to me, “He is the best behaved child I’ve ever seen.” I could only reply with, “Thanks, I’m just wondering what my wife did to him, because he’s not normally like this.”

Then during the “play time” he was well mannered, waited for other to take their turn before he did, didn’t take any of the toys away from the other kids or anything like that. Again, it was typically uncharacteristic of my boy. Then after class he helped other kids get their coats on. He was so charming and pleasant; I wanted to know what overcame my genetics.

After class we had some errands to run, we needed to do some shopping. Again he was the perfect child, not getting into anything. Not running around and screaming, not touching things he shouldn’t. I was starting to wonder if he was sick. It was after noon by the time we finished, and I decided to that since he was being so well behaved that I’d take him and Ktreva out for lunch.

We ended up going to Der Rathskeller, a local German Restaurant that has really good food. It had been a long time since I’d eaten there and Ktreva never had. That was when the good behavior ended. All I have to say is that Clone, Sauerkraut, a frankfurter, mustard in a squeeze bottle and a fork is not a good combination. That's more like MY child.

Continueing education.

It’s back to school for me tomorrow. Yep, that’s right I have to go to school in the morning. It’s Clone’s “Day with Dad” at his pre-school. I’m not exactly sure what it all is involved, but I do know one thing.

I sure hope I pass the tests.

To fail pre-school with a college education would be embarrassing.

We're through.

There are signs when a relationship is over. When a husband and wife no longer find themselves compatible with each other. The thought of spending any one on one time with their spouse is so painful; they’d rather do something like watch a 12-hour marathon of Walker, Texas Ranger. (I can’t believe that show made it to syndication). We all know that not all relationships were meant to last forever. Even the ones we think are perfect sometimes fall apart. It’s easy to know when this is happening when you can see the signs.

Of course there is the increased arguing. The snide comments and dirty looks can be a dead give away. Sometimes it’s the impatience with their partner or constantly irritated by the others actions. The decreasing use of pet names is a bad sign. Then there is the cessation of all affection. A lack of courtesy or inconsideration towards each other is a huge warning. The individual thinking more about themselves then their partner. Finally there are the more nefarious signs, such as plots to injure or hurt the spouse.

With a heavy heart I must say that Ktreva and I have fallen into this state of relationship. I had thought we had a good strong marriage only to find out that it isn’t true. Maybe I missed all the other signs, but she sent a very strong one this week.

I asked her to pick me up a box of Frosted Mini-Wheats from the store. Do you know what that witch did? She got me ORGANIC Frosted Mini-Wheats.

If she still loved me she wouldn’t try to turn me into a Hippy!

Kilgubbin Red Ale

May the luck of the Irish be upon ya! Since it is March and St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in March, all the beers I review this month are going to be Irish. Well okay, some are going to be Irish influenced or as I like to call them, “I can’t believe it’s supposed to be Irish.” If there is one thing the Irish can do right, that’s make some damn good beer. If there is something American Beer companies can do… is pass of a piss poor imitation of Irish Beer as being “Irish”. I’m not saying these aren’t good beers, just that they really aren’t Irish. That brings us to this week’s Faux Irish beer, Kilgubbin Red Ale by Goose Island Brewery in Chicago, IL.

They really want you to believe this is an Irish inspired beer. The label has all kinds of Celtic knot work all over it. It even has the name of the beer on a red banner in the “old Irish” script right over three shamrocks. If they really wanted to do it right, they would have had a pint-sized bottle instead of your standard 12 oz brown bottle. Any beer drinker worth their hops knows that the Irish drink by the bloody pint.

Besides being 4 oz short when poured into a pint glass, there is a dark brownish red color to the beer. It’s darker in color, but light still passes through. There is no haziness to it at all. There is a nice quarter inch white head that slowly fades into a film on top of the beer. There is virtually no lacing on the side of the glass.

There is a good earthy scent of roasted malts, both of the barley and chocolate variety. The floral scent of hops can be detected as well as a nice citric accent. There is a nice malty sweetness with a burnt hop bitter finish to the beer. There is a touch of smokiness to it that enhances the flavor. To be honest, the flavor is a little on the week side. There is a mild aftertaste that isn’t pleasant, but does make you want to drink more.

This is a thin beer, it’s almost watery. It wants to have a creamy texture to it, but the body of the beer is just too thin. It is very easy to drink.

As faux Irish beers go, this is not bad. I’ve had much better, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone gave me a six-pack of this. I’m going to give it a 4.5 out of 10.

It's The Thing all over again.

I was minding my own business when I saw this headline: “Scientist Study Earth’s Missing Crust”. Uh, missing crust? What, did someone misplace it? Is it with all of my socks and the set of keys I lost 4 years ago? How does crust go missing?

”It is part of a globe-spanning ridge of undersea volcanos, the kind of structure that forms when Atlantic tectonic plates separate and lava surges upward to fill the gap in the Earth's crust. But that apparently did not happen this time. Where there should be a four-mile-thick layer of crust, there is instead that much mantle — the very dense, dark green rock that makes up the deep inner layer of the Earth.”

Oh, okay so something went wrong in the geodynamics of the planet and instead of getting a lava scab it got a puss scab. I got it. (Well if you think about it, the analogy kind of works, gross, but works) Hmm, I wonder if they will blame this on global warming? Wait, wrong post. Anyway this doesn’t bother me. I mean c’mon we barely understand how the earth works and the fact that the site is three miles below the surface of the ocean doesn’t mean anything. This could be a common occurrence for years, but we are just now discovering it because of our technological advances. This is what bothers me:

”The 12-member expedition to take an unprecedented peek at Earth's mantle left the Canary Islands on Monday with a new high-tech vessel and a robotic device named Toby that will dig up rock samples at the site and film what it sees…

…The robotic device will land on the exposed mantle, deploy a drill, and dig into the rock to bring back samples.”

WHAT?!?!?!?! If movies and Science Fiction has taught me anything it’s that you do not bring back funky samples from strange anomalies for study. If you do, some strange kind of microbial creature will start to take over humans, you will release a funky disease, there will be some kind of radiation that destroys humans or even worse turns them into zombies. (God, if we were only that lucky) This may even be a gateway to an extra dimension or hell. Their drilling into it could open it up!

These scientists are being reckless in their endangerment of life on this planet. What secrets have been locked away in that undersea prison for millennia that they are going to set free? Heed my warning people; this could bring about the end of the world, as we know it.

Manly Man.

The oldest boy is sick, so I'm staying home to let him rest. Over at VW Bug's I found this test by Old Spice:

That was my first try, after some "training" I was able to get 100%

At least I won't have Malaria

November, 2005 I came clean about an addiction I had. It’s been over a year and I’m still hooked, just not as bad. I’ve gone a whole day with out a Listerine Breath Strip. But there was another unhealthy obsession that I should have come clean with you all about years ago.

Folks, I have an obsession with energy drinks. For about two years now when ever I find an energy drink that I’ve never had before, I can’t help but to buy one to try. Of course I only get the sugar free ones… I don’t want to get too hyper on the sugar. Hey, don’t look at me like that. It makes sense in my world.

Anyway I was at the gas station yesterday. I refuse to pay at the pump, that way I can go inside and see if they have any energy drinks I’ve never had. There in a display was an energy drink I had never seen before, Howling Monkey Energizing Elixir. I quickly bought a can and went to work. As I sat at my desk I read the label a little more carefully. Below the name it said “Multi-vitamins, pure caffeine and Quinine”.

As I sat at my desk I started thinking, “Quinine, that is awfully familiar. How do I know Quinine. Why is there something about it that is sending off little warnings in my head.” Then I opened the can and took a drink of one of the most vile concoctions on the face of the earth. This elixir wasn’t fit for, well monkeys. In fact I now know why they where howling. If I had to drink enough of this, I’d howl too.

As I was choking down swallowing the first swig of this swill it struck me; Quinine was used to treat Malaria and muscle cramps. It’s also very, very bitter. Which, helps explain the god awful taste. I spent most of the morning pondering why in the hell anyone would add Quinine to an energy drink. I mean, Malaria isn’t really a problem in the US anymore… then again I don’t think that drinking it in an energy drink would cure me if I did have it. Next, the muscle cramps… There are many better things one can get for muscle cramps. Trust me on this one folks. And the stuff is so bitter I can’t imagine anyone using it in a drink for the sole purpose of flavoring.

The can doesn’t say how much Quinine is in this drink, but I’m assuming it’s a safe level. I don’t think they would risk a bunch of people overdosing on their energy drinks. I will say though that I did have some interesting side effects yesterday.

Do you think I have anything to worry about if I try their cola version?

Take back the hour!

Theresa of Technicalities talks about the lack of foresight by our elected leaders when they altered Daylight Savings Time. I agree with her, why fix what’s not broke. Unless you want to break something so that people can spend money to fix what they broke. Yea, that was a confusing sentence. Me, I have a simple solution.

Today at work I announced that I no longer recognize nor observe Daylight Savings time. This year I will not change my watch, reset any clocks or anything. I am officially on Contagion doesn’t give a flying rats arse time. That means that if they do not show up by 7:00 AM CST (Contagion Standard Time) they will be counted as late. If they leave after 3:30 PM CST they will not get paid for hours worked outside of standard business hours.

I explained to all of my peers and managers that if they do not comply with my time, then they will be violating my diversity and insensitive to my personal beliefs. I will be offended by their lack of diversity and understanding. The work hours will rotate around my scientific and logical belief that politicians cannot dictate the time. Sure they can tell you they are going to change it, but if you think about it, they really are not. They aren’t changing the time; they are just telling you that the time is different. If they told you that between March and November that grass is actually orange, and everyone says it is orange… it’s not really orange!

Well dammit! I’m taking a stand! I’ve turned off all the daylight savings time features on my electronics and am set to make my stand. It is currently 7:30 PM in exactly 168 hours it will still be 7:30 PM… not 8:30PM that Congress wants you to believe it will be.

So don’t buy into the conspiracy to take away our time! Take back your watches, your clocks and your hour of sleep!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go replace my tinfoil beanie. I’ve seemed to torn mine in the rant.

Yes, the above is a joke... all though I did actually tell my employees and my employer that I no longer recognize daylight savings time. I'm waiting to see what they do.

Musical.

I found this MEME and decided just to do it. I was bored.

What's your favorite song by...

The Beatles?
uh, to be honest I don’t like the Beatles

The Rolling Stones?
Don’t really like them either.

Frank Sinatra?
uh… this is going to be a long meme.

Elvis Presley?
Heartbreak Hotel

Bob Dylan?
ahem… yeah, don’t like him

The Who?
Who Are you? It’s because of this song I started watching CSI

Led Zeppelin?
Immigrant Song

Johnny Cash?
Ring of Fire

Aerosmith?
Love in an Elevator

Elton John?
Tiny Dancer

Any Motown act from the 60's?
hehe, uh… sorry.

James Brown?
It’s a Man’s World

The Eagles?
Hotel California (Yea, I know)

Fleetwood Mac?
Landslide… because of Ktreva.

The Carpenters?
Anything that they do that involves power tools… what? What other kind of Carpenters are there? Oh, hehe, sorry don’t know them.

Billy Joel?
Uptown Girl

Michael Jackson or the Jackson 5?
Thriller!

The Ramones?
I Wanna Be Sedated.

U2?
The only thing worse then the Irish are psuedo hippy Irish.

Lou Reed or the Velvet Underground?
Uh… Is this one a joke?

The Stooges or Iggy Pop?
Not a fan at all.

Stevie Wonder?
I just called to say I love you

Hank Williams (Sr.)?
Don’t like me the Country music that much.

Hall & Oates?
Uhhh… I’m not familiar enough with them to list anything.

Madonna?
Madonna Sucks

Janet Jackson?
Janet Jackson Sucks even more.

Black Sabbath or Ozzy?
I have to pick one? No More Tears… for personal reasons.

Alice Cooper?
Poison

Bob Marley?
Really, does anyone actually have a favorite song of his?

Any rap artist?
ICE ICE BABY! By Rob VanWinkle… AKA The Vanilla ICE!

Nirvana?
The best thing that happened to this band was Cobain taking a dirt nap.

Foo Fighters?
Best of You.

Neil Young?
Not a fan.

The Cure?
Sorry, I like life.

The Smiths?
Well, they have a nice care, but I’m not supposed to compete with the Smiths next door.

Talking Heads?
Once in a Lifetime.

The Flaming Lips?
Seriously, someone is joking right?

Sonic Youth?
It’s been over 10 years since I’ve heard anything from them.

R.E.M.?
It’s the end of the world as we know it (And I feel fine)…

Liz Phair?
Supernova

Radiohead?
Creep

The White Stripes?
Seven Nation Army

Neutral Milk Hotel?
This one has to be made up.

Since I did this one voluntarily, I’m tagging no one. However, if you do decide to give it a shot, let me know. I’ll give ya some love.

More cross themed videos.

Some people have way too much free time on their hand. To fill the time they take two of their obsessions and combine them together into one. Such as this Star Wars/Monty Python combination.

Don’t underestimate the powers of the black knight.

That just looks like fun.

This video has some pretty cool shotguns in it, the A-12 MKII and the A-10 MKI.

They look like they would be a lot of fun, but I’m not sure I would want to own either of them. From the way the guys shooting them are moving around, it looks like there is a lot of kick to them. If anyone has one they want to let me test fire to review however, I’d be more then happy to.

Now here's one that looks like it doesn't have as much kick.

Maybe they should just strap themselves to a rocket.

People do a lot of stupid things just to have fun. But why in the hell would anyone want to do this:

or this:

You have to have some kind of serious death wish is all I’m saying.

The Joke is on her.

I’m not sure if this story is true or not, but damn it’s funny anyway.

The sad thing is that I’ve known women like this. They would rather have a miserable marriage with a man who they “trapped” by getting pregnant, than to actually fall in love with someone.

Choices

I’m struggling right now in a decision. I really want to get a new camera. I’m not talking about any old point and click, but a nice camera. Photography has always been a love of mine, and I take a lot of pictures, I just don’t share them with people. There is something personal about them to me. So I’ve been looking and to get the camera I want along with the new lenses I’m looking at about $1,500.00.

Then there is the fact that I really could use a lap top computer. I’m looking at one that has all the stuff the features I want so I can do everything on it. I want to be able to take it on trips and be able to keep up with blogging, get work done, play games and just be able to have a second computer in the house so that Ktreva and I both can be online at the same time. Pricing the computer with all the features I want, it’s about $1,500.00

I’ve wanted to get a Thompson sub-machine gun for years. No, it’s not the most powerful, the most accurate or the fastest out there, but I like them. There is something about them and the history behind it that really attracts me to it. To get the one that I want before the assault weapon ban gets re-instated, it’s going to cost me about $1,500.00.

With my annual bonus at work, I could, in theory, afford to pick up one of these… (I’d also have to talk Ktreva into it.) The problem is that it’s only one, and I really want all three and I really want all three NOW.

GAH! I hate decisions like this.

Kids and their jokes.

When I was a near perfect child. Rarely did I ever do anything wrong. Occasionally I would misbehave a little, but nothing that would embarrass my parents. Unfortunately I had a warped sense of humor. At times I would come up with something that was humorous to me, but would end up backfiring on me.

When I was in High School I bought a set of three six-sided loaded dice that would roll sixes almost every time. Unless my buddy Moritz rolled them, then he would get ones. The reason behind these dice was so that when rolling up a Dungeons and Dragons character, you would get a score of 18, the highest possible roll for each attribute. Yea, I know, I’ve come to terms with my geekyness. Of course any time I tried to use them in a game someone would notice and they where banned from play. Thus I ended up keeping them separate from the rest of my dice.

My parents, mainly my mother, are very religious. They are die-hard Lutherans and don’t take to joking about god, religion or anything related. One does not challenge my parents’ values and morals in their homes, many of my friends will attest to this. My parents are practical in their views however. They did not view Dungeons and Dragons as satanic or the devils work. They saw it to be just the game that it is. There were no issues with me playing D&D or buying the books or other tools of the game. I was even allowed to host gaming sessions at the house. (YEAH YEAH YEAH, Geek, I’ve got it!).

However, if you mix the facts above into one incident, you have a bad situation in the making. Oh, I need to add one more fact to the mix. My mother has run a daycare out of the house since before I was born. She still does.

It was over the summer and the day care kids would roam all over the house. Occasionally one of the older kids (between 6-12) would wander into my room when I was there. Depending on my mood I would sometimes I would talk with them or let them play with some of my stuff. One day I was feeling a little mischievous when one of the older kids walked into my room. I had been putting away my D&D stuff. He picked up my dice and started playing with them. It didn’t take him long to notice that three of them rolled sixes all the time.

This 10-year-old boy was fascinated and wanted to know how they did that. Looking at them, I picked up the three dice and rolled them over and over, always rolling 18. After a couple of rolls I explained to him, “These are my satanic dice. You can tell because they always roll 6-6-6.” At that point my mother flies into my room and screams “Contagion D Smartarse give me those dice right now! DO NOT TELL THE KIDS STUFF LIKE THAT! These dice are now mine and you are NEVER getting them back. Lil' traumatized Tommy (He was brought up die-hard Catholic), don’t listen to Contagion. He is being mean and telling stories.”

I ended up getting those dice back about two weeks later. I found where she put them and reacquired them. They are still in my possession, and I know exactly where they are.

I hadn’t thought about this story for years. But something happened today to remind me. One of the ladies I work with was telling a story of something her son had done the previous day in school, Catholic School. He had found a sticker at the mall that was a pentagram. He thought it would be funny to place it on a bible and take it to school and try to convince the other kids it was a “Satanic Bible”.

Hey, at least I didn’t get suspended… well at least not for that stunt.