Miasmatic Review

No Snow Day

Oh Glorious Day! The local news channels started declaring Gloom and Doom yesterday and by this morning it was full blown, “worst storm in the last 12 months.” Sadly enough people actually believe it. After living in Northern Illinois for 30 plus years, I know that whenever the local weather service calls for severe weather there is only about a 25% chance that it’s going to be close to what they call for. IE, originally it was supposed to hit at noon today, as of right now it’s not going to hit until after midnight. They are calling for 3-12 inches of snow. More like 2-3 with their record.

I already had employees ask me if they are going to close the office tomorrow. My standard answer was a resounding no. I even told my people that if they call and say they can’t make it in, I’d drive over and pick them up in the morning. However, I will charge them for gas. I have never missed a day of work in my life due to bad weather. Even when we did get a couple of feet of snow in one storm and I had a 45-mile commute, I didn’t miss work. There has not been a situation that good safe driving can’t get you where you are going.

Of course all the people are at the store buying bread and milk. I can’t remember which blogger did a post on it, but every time they call for bad weather everyone runs to the store to buy bread and milk. I’m not sure why, but they do. This means the roads are packed with panicked drivers trying to race and beat one another to the store. Right now the real threat isn’t the possible snow covered roads, it’s the idiots out rushing around. I saw three accidents on my ride home tonight. The snow hasn’t even started yet!

Personally, I would like to see 2-3 feet, yes feet, of snow. We haven’t had a good snowy winter in years. It could drop a foot of snow a week between now and New Years and I’d be a happy man.

Maple Nut Brown Ale

I’m getting around to trying one of the beers in the sample case I thought I would hate, the Tommy knocker Maple Nut Brown Ale.

The same brown bottle with front and back labels. On the front we have a Tommyknocker pouring maple syrup into an ale barrel. We have the standard back label with a short story about what a Tommyknocker is and a description of the beer. It also tells me that I should drink this beer before December 11 or it will taste bad. I guess I’m cutting this one close.

When poured into a glass, it has a dark cola-like coloring to it. Light passes through, but you really can’t see what’s on the other side of the glass. There is very little head that quickly dissipates. Even with trying to make as large of a head as possible, it just wouldn’t form. The only thing I accomplished was large bubbles.

The smell is very sweet. You have a scent of chocolate malts with maple syrup. In fact it almost smelled like I was drinking some kind of flavored pop. The taste was nutty with just a hint of maple syrup. Surprisingly it wasn’t very sweet. It had a mild sweetness to it; there is no bitterness at all.

This ale is very smooth with a light body. There isn’t much to the weight, and it has a velvety texture on the tongue. It drinks too easily. I finished off this drink in less than ten minutes, and that was with typing this review.

It’s an okay beer. This would be a good beer to give to someone that isn’t much of a beer fan. My wife liked the taste, and she isn’t a beer drinker. It’s a little on the wimpy side for me, so I’m going to give it a 5 out of 10.

Relevant speed.

Og of Neanderpundit is regaling us with tales of drivers on his way to work. More specifically about the “Blue Hairs” as he calls them, and the idiots that drive fancy cars that believe it gives them a right to hot rod through traffic. His little tale reminded me of an ongoing annoyance I’ve had for the last couple of months.

As some of you may remember, I tend to have a lead foot. Typically I drive about 10 mph over the posted limit. I’m generally not the fastest car on the road, but I’m definitely not the slowest. I don’t care if people pass me and I don’t mind passing people. Although I do hate it when they whip around me just to slow down. Especially if they are making a turn and come to an almost complete stop. But that is not what I want to talk about.

There is a stretch of road that I travel down every day to work. It’s only about four miles long, but in that stretch the speed limit goes from 30 to 35 to 40 to 45 miles per hour. When I start out on it I’m doing 40 miles an hour and just about everyone is passing me like I’m standing still. Every time the speed limit increases by 5 MPH, so do I. Again I’m generally being passed rather easily. Finally, when I get to the stretch of road that is 45 MPH, I’m doing 55 MPH. However, now all these cars that have been passing me are now being passed by me.

Can anyone explain this to me? I mean I’m still doing 10 over the speed limit. Speeding tickets in the state of Illinois increase in severity based on how fast over the speed limit you are going, not on how fast in total you are going. Thus doing 40 in a 30 has the same fine as 55 in a 45. However, doing 50 in a 30 has a larger fine then 55 in a 45. Why the hell do all these morons not accelerate past 50? I don’t know, but I get annoyed when they start boxing me in and I want to go.

It's almost like stalking.

Eric, the Straight White Guy, is creeping me out. He has some kind of camera system hooked up to his computer. It’s kind of unnerving to watch him, watching me read his blog. It’s almost like having someone reading over your shoulder. Excuse me; I’m going to go unplug my camera to make sure he really can’t see me.

It's amazing I'm married.

For dinner tonight we had left over Chinese food. Clone loves him some fried rice. The problem is that he loves it so much it gets everywhere. As anyone with children knows, you can’t just pick up rice off the floor. You need to vacuum it up. Of course, even though it’s messier, it is easier if the rice dries before you attempt to vacuum it. Ktreva just wanted to clean up the mess so she pulled out the vacuum and started cleaning.

Guys, this is why I don’t hire a housekeeper. Why pay for one, when the wife will do it on her own?

Anyway, she was vacuuming away when all of a sudden the power brush started making a funny nose and started to smell funny. Ktreva turns off the power to the brush, (but not the vacuum) and is looking at the brush. When I ask her what’s going on, she tells me she thinks there is something wrapped around the brush roller. It took me three times of telling her to turn off the vacuum before she actually listened and did it. I try to get it from her to check it out, and she insists she can fix it. She is telling me this as she is yanking on the some hair wrapped around the brush roller.

Finally I convince her to let me take a look at it. Not that it wasn’t amusing to watch her try to unroll hair from it one strand at a time, I just didn’t want her to hurt herself or the vacuum. I open up the power brush and remove the brush roller. There is a lot of long, fine; blonde hair wrapped around one of the ends where the bearings are. After looking at the brush, it appears that her hair had wrapped in between bearings and the attachment bracket. The friction had caused it to melt into a clumpy mess. I also noticed that the roller brush is not rotating like it should on the bearings. As I free it from the case the whole bearing assembly explodes sending tiny ball bearings all over the place. (Thankfully I was in my workshop).

I come upstairs and I say, “It’s broken, I can’t fix it.” Mostly I was talking to myself out loud. Ktreva hears me and yells from the living room, “Great, we have to buy a new vacuum.” To which I respond, “What? No, I can repair it.” She snipes back with, “You just said it was broken and you can’t fix it.” Me, “Well yea, the roller brush is broke, I can’t fix it. I can repair the vacuum. I’ll just need to order a new roller brush.” She comes back with, “If you can repair it, then you can fix it.” Me, “Yes, I can fix the vacuum, but the brush roller is FUBAR. I can’t do squat with it.” Her, “Then it can’t be fixed?” Me, “What? No! I can fix the vacuum; I’ll have to order a new roller brush to do it. Dammit woman, listen to me when I speak. The vacuum can be fixed; the roller brush is broken beyond my ability to fix it. It’s just a part. I can buy a replacement one. Damn women not knowing a thing about fixing stuff.”

I’m just hoping the swelling from where she hit me with a pan goes down before tomorrow.

Contagion's Revenge

Ahh, the ol’ chunder bucket has had a workout this week. First Clone started getting sick around 2:00AM Wednesday morning. He seemed to recover by Noon on Thanksgiving. Friday my mother has come down with the same bug. Apparently she was blowing chunks most of the day. Saturday morning Ktreva and her Grandfather both have a case of Technicolor yawns. By Saturday afternoon my sister was tossing cookies and Boopie was starting to feel like he was going to spew.

At this point I’m the only person in my immediate family that hasn’t gotten sick yet. Today all the parties seem to be recovering. At this time I’m going to call this illness Contagion’s Revenge. It’s payback for me not being able to have an enjoyable and relaxing holiday.

It's a nice day for a white Christmas.

When I think of all the great Christmas songs, I think of certain singers. Bing Crosby, Burl Ives, Bob Rivers, ETC. Occasionally you get someone else that decides they want to make a Christmas Album. Ie Mariah “Dog Whistle” Carey.

But guess who wants to have the next great Christmas Album? That’s right, no other then Billy Idol! Go Listen to his rendition of Oh Christmas Tree on his My Space site.

Yea, it’s a special album.

Update: Here's a video! I may just have to buy this album.

And...

over.

It’s over folks. Thanksgiving 2006 has finally come to an end. My in-laws are on their way back to Kansas. My parents and sister are off doing their own thing with a resounding, “I have plans today and tomorrow”. I tried my damnedest to be civil the whole time; unfortunately Ktreva did bear some of the frustration last night after everyone had gone back to their hotels.

I opted to not take the Jack Daniel’s route as I thought that with everything else going on, it might just cause me to explode in an angry fit of honesty. Where that would have been much blog fodder, it also probably would have caused much strife in the Contagion household. At one point yesterday I was ready to take some of that new ammo and redecorate the interior of my living room brain matter grey… and not necessarily my in-laws. It was just a passing thought with no seriousness to it, but still.

This morning before everyone went their separate ways we all had breakfast, that was fun. Especially since overnight Ktreva came down with the flu and I had to deal with all the boys, my parents, my sister, and my in-laws all by myself with no support. I think at this time I really should explain something to everyone. When I have family functions, I tend to not stay for more then 2-3 hours before leaving. Especially if there is extended family involved. I really hate some of my aunt’s, uncles and cousins. Many of my readers may not understand that, as I know you are close with your families. I’m not. I’ve always been the black sheep, the different one, and the one that doesn’t think, act or behave like everyone else. After three hours of dealing with these people, I’m ready to get the fark out of Dodge. On Thursday I spent 9.5 hours with them, yesterday I spent 8.5 hours with them, and this morning I spent 2 hours with them. I’ve spent more time with my family and in-laws in the last three days then I have in the last 12 months.

But at least there was some humor out of the whole situation. This morning on the TV I saw a commercial for Lowe’s. They where talking about some sale, I wasn’t paying attention, but I did catch one piece from it. “…That way you can have you house all finished before your in-laws say, this room will look nice once you finish it.” That spoke volumes to me. Ktreva has been working on the woodwork in our living room for 7 years. She is nowhere done with it. She was the one that wanted to do it, and took the job on; she doesn’t want me touching it. Yesterday her grandmother said to me, “This room will look nice once you finish the woodwork you started 7 years ago.” When she is speaking about Ktreva and I, it’s y’all… so she meant me.

The kicker is that this morning at breakfast my mother, Ktreva's mom, and Ktreva's Grandmother decided this is going to be an annual tradition. They are going to do this every Thanksgiving. I think next year I'm going to find a part time job working security at the mall.

Ahh… such is life. Anyway, you’ll have to excuse me; I need to go check to see if Ktreva’s chunder bucket needs emptying.

I went shopping on Black Friday?

It’s black Friday, and as I’ve stated in the past there is nothing that would make me want to go out shopping today. Well that was until yesterday. Between the Thanksgiving feedings the lady folks got together to look at adds for today. Ktreva found an add from Dick’s Sporting goods that stated ammo was 50% off today only from 5:30 AM to 2:00 PM, maximum 6 boxes. This morning I woke up around 6:30 AM and headed into the madness that is Black Friday. I didn’t think ammo was that big of a Christmas commodity, so I didn’t wake up too early.

Dick’s wasn’t that busy when I arrived, and they did have their ammo on sale. I picked up 4 boxes of .357 and 2 boxes of .45 ACP. After I made my purchases, I called my friends J-man and Graumagus to advise them to get off their butts and head down there while the sale is still going on. Then I had a moment of genius. I have a friend that works at Gander Mountain and is working today. Maybe I could get Gander Mountain to honor the competitor’s sale, thus getting another 6 boxes of ammo at 50% off.

Gander Mountain was also not busy upon arrival. I was able to find my friend and I asked if they would honor their competitor’s sale. He advised me that normally they don’t, especially on Black Friday, just because of the nature of the sales. Then he added that since I had the ad with me AND because I’ve purchased a lot from them over the last year they would match the deal. Unfortunately their ammo selection had been picked over. They had the same Remington .357, but they didn’t have the .45 ACP. But they did have it in the Blazer Brass. I decided I needed another 100 rounds of .45, and picked up the Blazer Brass.

Then my friend looked at the coupon, much closer then I did. The actual sale is buy one, get one at 50% off. Dick’s (Whom the ad is for) gave me all the ammo at 50% off. Heck, the guy working the counter even told me that all the ammo was 50% off. I may not have gotten as good of a deal from Gander Mountain, but it was still good enough. Between the two sporting good stores, I ended up with 600 rounds of Ammo for just over $110.00.
One can’t argue with that. I normally spend that amount buying half of what I bought.

Isn’t that a pretty sight?

Big Holiday Fun.

Happy Thanksgiving. It’s that time of year when all American’s get together to give thanks for everything they’ve received over the last year. As some of you may recall I had a horrible experience with my family at Thanksgiving last year and vowed that I was going to do my own thing this year. Around September my in-laws advise my wife they want to come to town to spend Thanksgiving with us. We, meaning me as I do 95% of the cooking for special occasions, are not prepared to cook for that many people. Fortunately my mother says she wants us to come over to her house, none of my aunts, uncles or cousins are coming. We told my mother that Ktreva’s Mom and Grandparents are coming to town, so my mother told us we could all go over to her house.

This sounds like it’s a good deal right? Nope, my in-laws don’t like me. Comments that have been made to me are along the lines of I’m controlling Ktreva, holding her back, keeping her from seeing her family, not providing well for the family, etc. My favorite was five years ago when one of them told me, “We just don’t like you”. Ktreva doesn’t believe any of this, because they are all nice to me when she’s with in earshot, but not when she’s not around. They also make comments to her that leads her to believe that they like me.

So far this Thanksgiving is going to be dealing with my Mother, who thinks she’s the boy’s mother and that I’m still 16. My sister who thinks I’m too hard on the boys. My in-laws that hate me and my father, who will be my only ally that may help me out.

So this Thanksgiving I’m thankful for Jack Daniel’s. It calms my stomach, my nerves and in the right moderation will keep my brain just soaked enough to not care.

On a lighter note, I have Thanksgiving presents for every one in the extended entry.

For the Gals

For the Guys

Preparing

The in-laws are coming to town for Thanksgiving. That means it’s time to clean the house from top to bottom… They are going to be here tomorrow and we haven’t started yet.

It’s going to be a long night.

My dreams are dashed.

I’m still alive. Yesterday did not go as planned. After grabbing all the gear I loaded up the family into the truck and headed to the MetroCentre. Ktreva kept telling me the whole time that I was being foolish and I was going to get hurt. Finally as I approached the sign-in table she stepped in front of me, crossed her arms, hitched her hips and stuck out a leg. She said, and I quote, “If you sign that piece of paper to try out, you are going to be in more trouble then you can imagine. Trust me, you don’t want that kind of trouble. Oh, and you know that thing I occasionally do that you really like, that you say I'm really good at and want me to do more of… keep it up and never again.”

Thus I ended up watching the tryouts from the sidelines. There were some guys down on the field that made me look svelte and others that made me look like I was a professional athlete. I don’t know how many of them actually made the team. After a couple of hours I left and met up with Graumagus at Hooters for beer, hot wings and the afternoon game. Yea, it tore up my stomach, but it tasted real good.

So my dreams of being a UIF football player have been dashed. On a lighter note, when we left the building I realized that I had forgotten Clone’s backpack at our seats. While running in to get it, I stepped wrong and gave myself a leg cramp. Maybe it was a good idea that I didn’t try out.

Buying Bullets

Hey, I didn’t know this. It’s National Ammo Day. After try-outs I’m going to have to guy buy 100 rounds.

Thanks to the Conservative UAW Guy for keeping me updated.

Time to bulk up.

Right now Ktreva isn’t speaking to me. She’s very upset at a decision I’ve made. Today the Rock River Raptors are having open try-outs, and after much deliberation I’ve decided to try out. For those of you that don’t remember, the Raptors are the local United Indoor Football league team that I support.

Every time I watch a football game I see guys on the field and I think to myself, I can block better then that. Now I know the NFL players would kill me, but this is the UIF. These are the guys that weren’t good enough to make the NFL, CFL or even the AFL. I actually stand a chance against these guys. So I’m going to try to get a position on the line, offensive or defensive.

Sure I haven’t played football in 17 years, I’m out of shape and have some medical problems, but next year I will be too old to try out. If I’m going to do it, this is the year. In about two hours I’m going to head down to the MetroCentre and try to walk onto the team. Right now Ktreva is giving me a laundry list of reasons for why I shouldn’t do it. Mainly because I’m out of shape, have some medical problems, will probably create some new medical problems and I’m just too old for this type of nonsense. She mentioned how I can’t bounce back from injuries like I used to do. Bah! What does she know anyway?

On a slightly related note, I’ve heard from numerous people that the Raptors have a commercial with me in it. From what I’ve been told they focus on me at one point when I’m cheering the team during a game. I have yet to see this commercial, so I’m not sure how big of a dork I actually look like.

Well, I’m going to go get ready and argue with Ktreva some more. Wish me luck! And I promise to give you an update later on how I did.

I made the b-list!

Harvey of Bad Example was unhappy with his rating in the blogosphere over at the The Blogebrity Widget. I headed over to see how I ranked.

Hey, I'll take the B-list. I thought I was going to end up on the D-List.

So much for the alarm.

I don’t even know how to start this post. Something happened tonight that I just didn’t expect tonight and it scared the living daylights out of me. I was in the kitchen getting Clone something to drink when there was a knocking at the front door. Before I had a chance to answer it, Clone ran to the door. He unlocked the deadbolt and let a guy into the house.

The guy was trying to deliver a pizza. We hadn’t ordered a pizza. It didn’t take long to figure out he had the wrong house; he meant to go to the neighbors. After he was on his way I scolded Clone for answering the door and explained that he is NEVER to answer the door, he is to get either Ktreva or myself.

Fortunately this turned out to be nothing, but the thought of him letting some stranger into the house scared the ever-loving shite out of me. I know he has seen Ktreva or I answer the door a thousand times, and was just doing what he thought was right. Even after explaining it to him, I don’t think he understood the gravity of the situation. I’ve been raking my brain thinking of things I could do to prevent this from happening again and I’m coming up with a blank. We have a chain on the door that is high enough he can’t reach it, but that isn’t always the solution. Like tonight, Ktreva was on her way home, and chaining the door would have locked her out of the house. It’s just not practical to use the chain every time we shut the door.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate them. Until then, I’m thinking we’ll just have to suck it up and use the chain. The next time he might let in the local homeless guy that comes around every couple of weeks looking for a hand out. The last thing I want to do is to try and wrestle him out of the house.

At least it's not grumpy.

We work on to the next of the TommyKnocker beer from the sample pack. Tonight’s choice is the Ornery Amber Lager.

Again we have the brown bottle with front and back labels. The front label has the TommyKnockers playing pranks on a human. They are tying his shoelaces together, lighting matches in his boot and putting a mouse in his lunchbox. We have a standard back label, again with a dating system and a little story about the beer.

The Ornery Amber has a clear amber color to it. There isn’t a hint of cloudiness or sediment to it. When poured into the glass there is a filmy white head that dissipates quickly leaving a ring and some lacing on the side of the glass.

You can smell the fruity yeasts with a very mild hint of malts when it is brought to the note. The scent is very faint and after the first couple of sips is almost indiscernible. On the first sip you could taste a slight caramel malt flavor with a hint of nuttiness. There is a tangy aftertaste with a mild, but pleasant bitterness to it.

Ornery Amber is light bodied ale with a good carbonation mix. It’s easy in the mouth and goes down smoothly. This is one of those beers you would empty the bottle before you realized it leaving you wanting more.

This is a decent beer. It’s nothing to brag about, but I could see myself drinking a six-pack of this in a night, or maybe during a football game on Sunday. This beer ranks a 6 out of 10.

Frustration.

I have been conducting interviews for a week and a half now. If I’m lucky I will be finished by Thursday. At one point today I was ready to start hitting my head against the desk in the middle of an interview. The person being interviewed didn’t even have a clue as to the position they applied for. I almost yelled at the individual to get out of the room, fortunately I had momentary control over my mouth and just smiled.

No, this person is not getting the job. Sadly enough, they weren't the worst one either. Even worse, they scored in the top 20 percent of candidates interviewed.

If I’m lucky I will be done by Thursday. If it goes any longer I think I might lobotomize myself mid-interview with my pencil.

They allow that on ESPN?

“When he hit his butt, the ball came squirting out”

As heard last night during the Tampa Bay Vs. Carolina game. For a split second I wondered if I was watching gay pr0n.

What's next, construction?

Dark times have graced the political front in my little city. According to local news sources the City of Rockford and Winnebago County have decided to get into the professional sports business by purchasing a minor league hockey team.

The public agency that owns the MetroCentre wants to buy the Rockford IceHogs and reinvent the popular hockey team as a minor league franchise for the Chicago Blackhawks. The transformation would be part of a long-discussed $20 million renovation of the aging “big orange box” in downtown Rockford.

~Rockford Register Star

The “big orange box” they are referring to is the Rockford MetroCentre. It’s an arena that was opened in 1981. It’s currently where the Rockford IceHogs and the Rock River Raptors play. Unfortunately in the last couple of years it has started falling into a state of disrepair and really does need a renovation. The seats need repair, and the plumbing in some of the bathrooms doesn’t work. The last time I was there, the restrooms by the main entrance had no working sinks. It would be nice to see them actually fix up and redesign it. It’s pretty ugly right now, and is pretty much an eyesore.

Personally I would have rather they closed it down and built a new one closer to the interstate. The MetroCentre is currently located in downtown Rockford and is hard to get to. The traffic is pretty thick going to and leaving any event. According to a local radio station 1330 AM WNTA (Yes, I was listening to talk radio) it would cost substantially more money. I can’t remember exactly the figure they gave; I believe it was in the 9-figure range. Since they would probably end up having to increase taxes to pay for that, I’ll take the renovations. According to the press conference the money that the City of Rockford and the County are investing into the new MetroCentre is not going to raise local taxes any, I like it even more. Then again in March they may try to raise the taxes saying that in order to cover the costs, they need extra money. I did hear they are going to try to get a referendum passed to do an overhaul on one of the main roads that leads to the MetroCentre. So I guess I will end up having my taxes raised either way. Yea, the voters might say no, but they won’t. There isn’t a tax this city doesn’t like.

So what does this have to do with politics in the city? It seems the Mayor, the MetroCentre Authority, the city council and county board are adopting Chicago style politics to get this done. First they spent a year working out the details with the Chicago Blackhawks behind closed doors. The only reason we know about it now is because the local media caught wind of the story and broke it to the public. That in itself is not so bad.

Here’s the problem. Currently two local businessmen that bought and brought them to Rockford own the Ice Hogs. They have been playing at the MetroCentre for 8 years and have a decent sized fan base. The problem is that they are part of the United Hockey League. The MetroCentre wants an American Hockey League Franchise and Chicago Blackhawks affiliate. If they finalize a deal with the Blackhawks, they are going to kick out the Ice Hogs and bring in this new team that they will own.

Wait, didn’t the article say they want to buy the Ice Hogs? The way that is worded is kind of misleading. They want to buy the name and logo from Dr Kris Tumilowicz “Dr. T” and Craig Drecktrah, the current owners of the Ice Hogs. They don’t want the team

Centre Events officials said more than $500,000 a year would be saved by combining hockey and MetroCentre operations. The front office staff of the IceHogs would be retained, but players and coaches would not.

Basically the local government is squeezing these businessmen out of their own team. If they don’t sell, what are they going to do? They have been leasing the MetroCentre each year for their games. If the MetroCentre kicks them out, they will have no place to play that can hold an average audience of 4,400. If they sell, they are only being offered $540,000.00. Which according to the UHL and owners is far less then what the team is worth. Plus, he will no longer have anything to do with the team. He’d go from owner to spectator. Those are some pretty strong arm tactics. I’m afraid this may just be the beginning this kind of politics in Rockford.

I’m just glad Rockford doesn’t have Home Rule. I’d hate to see what these local politicians would do with that kind of power.

Ash, Housewares and a tenor.

Many of you know I’m a huge Evil Dead fan. This may be going too far. Evil Dead the musical.

I just want to know what person thought this was a good idea. Then I want to know who actually funded this. Finally, I want to know when it is coming to my area so I can get tickets.

A new ending.

Just a little fun for this Saturday, some people didn’t like the way the original Superman movie ended, so they came up with an alternative ending.

It may not be done with the best quality, but it’s still pretty funny. That and you have a cameo from Batman.

Celeb mates

Ever wonder what celebrity would be a perfect match for you? No, well neither did I, but I found this Celebrity match finder. You set the criteria and it finds someone that is supposed to be a perfect match for you.

I nailed Elizabeth Hurley… er I mean I scored Elizabeth Hurley, uh I came.. Okay I’m just not going that far.

Oh Randy!

“Oh Randy, now that you’re here in Oakland, your tankin'. Wish we would send you away. Oh Randy! When I think of the coin that you’re bankin’, really need you to play.”

A tribute song to Randy Moss from a very disgruntled Oakland Raider fan to the tune of Barry Manilow’s Mandy. It’s just a matter of time before the fans revolt and shank the guy.

It's not a euphemism

I am a bad, bad man. It has been a month since my last beer review. Since I’m pretty sure none of you want to hear my lame excuse, I’m going to spare you the horrible lie. After Tommyknocker Butthead beer I reviewed last time, I picked up a sample back of all their brews. Sure, maybe that’s cheating, but hey I’m the one drinking it! Tonight I had the Jack Whacker Wheat Ale by the Tommyknocker brewery and pub.

The bottle is your standard brown bottle with a front and back label. The front label has a miner getting kicked in the arse by a mule. On the back label there is a description of what a Jack Whacker is, “The Jack Whacker’s role was to whip the last mule to keep the supply train moving along.” Gee, and this whole time I always thought it was the teenager that locks himself in the bathroom. Again we have a date system that tells me that this beer was bottled August 28, 2006. I have just until after Christmas to drink the beer in the recommended time frame.

Jack Whacker has a cloudy straw color to it. You can see sediment in it that after a while settles to the bottom of the beer. Fortunately even after sitting for a while, the sediment doesn’t alter the flavor any. There is a thin filmy head, if you can call it that. There was no lacing and only a slight ring around the glass after a couple of minutes.

The smell is of wheat, citrus and lemon grass. It’s actually a pleasant scent that is different from what I’m used to. The taste is a combined mix of wheat, spices and lemon grass. It is a bit of sweetness to it, but not too sweet. There is a slightly tart aftertaste that fades quickly in the mouth.

This is light bodied ale with a medium carbonation and a crispness that excites the tongue. It’s easy to drink and is satisfying. It’s a perfect beer for this unseasonably warm (54 Degree) November night. It embodies the sensations associated with good Autumnal ale.

Surprisingly to me I actually liked this beer. I’ve found most wheat beers to be hit or miss. I’m giving this ale a rating of 5.5 out of ten.

Counting votes.

I’ve never believed in the electronic voting machines being hacked theory that is floating around. It’s just way too big of a conspiracy theory for me to buy. They may be flawed, but I don’t believe they are rigged or hacked. Then again living in Illinois I can’t think of any voting method that isn’t flawed. Hell I live in the same state as Chicago; we all know what they can do with ballots and a large body of water.

Tuesday night I did start to wonder how flawed our polling system is. The polls here closed at 7:00 PM, we didn’t start getting election news/results until around 8:00. By 8:30 you still couldn’t get an accurate picture of how the election was going. Depending on what news source you where looking at, they all give different figures. Three local channels, the local newspaper and two radio stations couldn’t agree on any results. At a little past 9:00 PM one station declared Blagojevich the winner while another station showed Topinka in the lead. The newspaper had a state representative loosing as well as a US congressman, but two of the stations had them both winning. Some races showed really close in one place and on opponent to have a wide lead at others. No two had numbers that even resembled the other sources. It went on this way all night. I finally gave up watching and checking the results because it was frustrating and annoying.

I’m trying to figure out how all of these “reliable” news sources could have widely varying results. I know I’m not that savvy in the ways of how votes are counted and election results reported, but one would think they would have a least a uniform or single point of media release. I’m also wondering how accurate any of the election results actually where.

Yea, that’s another rung in my ladder of lost faith in our government.

leaky willy

For two weeks now I’ve had an issue at work. There is one bathroom there that use when I need to empty my bowels. It’s the largest bathroom in the building, and the least used. It has four stalls and three urinals. For five years I’ve been using the same bathroom and the same stall with out a problem. That is until two weeks ago.

I walked into the bathroom getting ready for my mid-morning constitutional. Heading into my stall to do my deed I stop dead in my tracks. All over the floor, the toilet and the seat is urine. GAH! Okay, I go to the next stall and it’s fine. For one day I can use a different stall. The next day I return. Again someone has pissed all over the toilet and the seat. When I say pissed all over, it doesn’t look like they intended to give the exterior of the toilet a golden shower. It looked like they had no control over the beginning and end of the stream. I head into the next stall and again it is covered in urine.

This has been going on for two weeks. What the hell?!?!?! First I want to know what guy would use a stall when there are perfectly good urinals available? I don’t want to hear about two guys shouldn’t pee in urinals next to each other. Bullshit, that’s what they are for, there are separators and at many places I’ve seen guys lined up waiting to find any open urinal, mainly at football games. Now that isn’t the case here. There is never enough traffic in this bathroom for all three urinals to be taken. There are not a lot of guys in the entire office, let alone in that part of the building. Whoever is doing this has some kind of issue with using a urinal.

Secondly I understand guys miss and at times there are drops on the floor. It happens, peeing standing up has its drawbacks. It’s either the floor or our pants. This was no one or two drops on the floor or the occasional post sex miss-spray. This guy has serious control issues. He gets it everywhere. It’s almost like he’s afraid to touch his own unit in order to aim the damn thing. You can get away with that at a urinal, but when aiming for a toilet bowl you need to use some control. They don’t aim themselves.

Thirdly, and most importantly… WHY THE HELL IS HE NOT CLEANING UP AFTER HIMSELF?!?!?! For the love of all that is good and holy if your going to piss on the seat and the toilet, take some farking toilet paper and wipe it up. If you’re not going to do that, at least use the same toilet so that those of us that have to shite can use the other stalls. One day all four stalls were covered in urine drops! The cleaning crew only hits the bathrooms twice a day. Once around noon and again at night after everyone has left. Personally, I don’t want to walk around with turd fighting against my sphincter for 2-3 hours until the cleaning crew comes in and makes the toilets useable again. I also shouldn’t have to walk across the building looking at the busier bathrooms for an open stall.

The perpetrator is an evil vile person. They have to be doing this intentionally with malice in their heart. I think they are trying to mark the bathroom as their territory and discourage others from using it. I don’t know why, but they must be trying to keep people from laying the big stinky while at work. Let me just say that nothing, NOTHING is going to stop the shite spewing forth from me!

Contagion for Governor

Tonight after work I went out and did my civic duty and voted. Of course we had a dog’s dinner choice for some of the positions. Now I know many people scoff at me for this, but being an Independent, I didn’t feel the need to vote for either party in certain races. Thus I did the only other thing I could, I wrote in people I felt would do a better job.

For Governor of Illinois: Myself. Hell, what’s the worst I could do? Looking at the choices, I figured I couldn’t screw things up much worse then either of them can or have.

For Congress: I wrote in General John Borling. I don’t agree with all of his platforms, but I agree with him on more then the other two. Plus I agree with his stance that both the Republicans and Democrats are out for themselves. In this race I’d just love to see him actually place high enough to send a loud message to both parties in this state. According to a radio interview I heard a Republican or Democrat needs 600 signatures to get on the ballot, other parties need 900, however an Independent needs 16,000. Instead of wasting money and time he decided to run a write in-campaign. I may be off on the number of votes as it was two weeks ago I heard the interview, but it was some ridiculous larger number of signatures he would need.

For Illinois General Assembly: I wrote in Ktreva. The incumbent, Chuck Jefferson, ran unopposed and I don’t agree with the man on nearly every point of his politics. Thus it was either write someone in or don’t vote for that race at all.

For the School Superintendent: I wrote in my buddy Wes. I’d like to see him in charge of the schools. It could get interesting. Again there was only one name on the ballot, and I didn’t like the choice.

So there you have it people. If you don’t like the candidates you can write people in. Is it throwing your vote away? Yea, it probably is. However, if enough people do it, maybe it will send up a red warning flag that we want real candidates and not the idiots that are being put forth in their place.

A Farley Towne special.

My Buddy Shadoglare told me I needed to check out Its Jihad Charlie Brown. Since I found much amusement in it, I figured it was my duty to share it with all of you. It's from the Dennis Leary Christmas Special. Which would be appropriate since I think he has no qualms about pissing everyone off. Still, funniest thing I've seen in a while.

Thanks Shadoglare, it made my morning!