Miasmatic Review

Eh, who cares.

I can see where it was let out of the bag that today is my birthday. Contrary to Grau’s assertions, I don’t hate my birthday. I just don’t celebrate it. I haven’t for many years now, in fact since I was in college. It has nothing to do with my getting older. I have no problem with getting older, sure my body may not hold up to all the physical abuse that it use to, but mentally I’m still sixteen. As for my getting grey hair, owell… Grey hair and wrinkles on a man is distinguishing. That’s why so many people think Sean Connery is hot. I like the grey hair; I think it actually makes me look more respectable and authoritative.

Why don’t I celebrate my birthday? Because it seems so shallow and a waste of time and money. I’m no different today then I was yesterday and I will be tomorrow… unless this thing in my stomach bursts forth. There is nothing about today that makes me any more special then any other day of the year.

I know people that are obsessive about their birthdays and get upset if it does go as they planned or they don’t get what they want. There is a lady I work with that was all upset at her last birthday because her husband threw her a party and invited some close personal friends. She wanted a huge party with a lot of guests. Her husband “ruined her birthday”. Not me, if Ktreva doesn’t do anything I’m fine. I’d prefer she not spend the money on a gift. That money could be better spent on stuff for the boys or her.

I know a lot of people won’t understand where I’m coming from, but that doesn’t bother me. Wishing me a happy birthday is not going to upset me. However, my lack of acknowledgement or appreciation for well wishes might upset others. It’s not that I’m going out of my way to be an arsehole, it’s just that if you aren’t going to respect my decision to not celebrate my birthday, I’m not going to return that lack of respect.

Samuel Smiths India Ale

All right, tonight's beer of choice is Samuel Smith's India Ale by Samuel Smith old Brewery in (Tadcaster) N. Yorks, England. This is another beer I've seen on the shelves for a long time and just never tried. When I was out looking for a new beer, it just didn't catch my eye like others have in the past.

This ale came in a 1 pint 2.7 fluid oz brown bottle that had the Samuel Smith logo molded into the glass. On a blue and white label it had the name of the beer with a little back-story into the ale. It also is very proud of its English origin as it has product of England on it as well as an English flag.

The copper color is very enticing. There is a slight cloudiness to it that gives it thick appearance. When I poured it, there was almost no head, and it dissipated to a thin frosting on the top that lasted until the beer was finished. Some lacing formed on the side of the glass, but nothing impressive.

Like most India Ales its aroma is earthy. There is a mixture of yeast and sweet malts to it. The taste is a dry combination of spicy hops and malts. There is a bitter finish that isn't bad. The after taste is bitter and lingers. After a while it becomes almost distracting.

Another medium bodied beer that has a creamy texture in the mouth. It's a dry finish that I don't find all that appealing. It also leaves a fine coating in the mouth, which is probably why the aftertaste is distracting.

I don't like IPAs, and this one I didn't care for that much. It's not a bad beer, but not something I think I would find myself buying again just to have one. It rates a 4 out of 10.

It's no longer a game.

For years I’ve been saying that Football is nothing more then a child’s game being played by over paid men. Don’t get me wrong, I love football, and am a little obsessive about it. Okay, I’ve very obsessive about it. My wife wants a sign that says, “We put this marriage on hold for Football Season.” I eat, drink and sleep football from preseason to the pro-bowl. Now that I have arena football for the off-season, there are very few months I don’t think about football. However, I still view it as a game. I don’t get too worked up when my team looses and other then good-natured ribbing, I don’t harass fans from other teams. It’s just a game.

Another thing I’ve been saying for a long time is, “It’s all fun and games until someone looses a spleen.” I’m not sure where I picked it up, but I’ve been saying it for a long time. It’s a take off of the old “It’s all fun and game until someone looses and eye.” But it’s easy to loose an eye, it’s much more difficult to loose a spleen.

Based on those two sayings, I guess football is no longer a game for Chris Simms, the Tampa Bay Buc’s Quarterback. In the game against Carolina yesterday he ruptured his spleen. He left the field for a short period of time, and then returned to play. People, he may have issues as a QB, but you have to respect a man that will play through to pain. This wasn’t a sprain, strain, broken bone or pulled muscle. He ruptured an internal organ. Think about it, that can’t be a pleasant feeling.

My hat’s off to you Chris, and I hope you have a quick and pleasant recovery.

We Win!

Holy cow! The Pack actually won a game!

Packers 31 Detroit 24

Sure it was only against the Detroit Kitties Lions, whom may be one of the handful of teams in the NFL that are worse then Green Bay. I’ll take the win; it’s better to have a win, then to start the season 0-4 again this year. Now we are only 1-2. However, at this rate we are going to end up with a 5-11 season.

Have you ever...

...had the urge to pee outside?

yea, me neither... and I didn't just do it.

Yea, I'm still around.

Okay, so technically I could have posted an update yesterday, but I damn well didn’t feel like it. Yesterday was about as productive as a blind man sorting crayons by color. Everything started off all right. I get to the doctor’s office, did the check in thing, answered their questions and went to wait. I figured I’d have to wait a good hour before getting in, that’s how it usually works, doesn’t it? Not here, I was in talking to the nurse 20 minutes ahead of my scheduled time. That, however, is where my day starts to break down.

The nurse is asking me more questions. Well, actually she is getting clarification of my answer on the background form. This actually led to some mirth for me. The nurse says, “On the form it says you drink alcohol 2-3 times a week, how much do you drink?” Being as honest as possible I answer with, “I’ve been known to drink a case or two.” Nurse, “Over the weekend?” Me, “To be honest I’ve been known to do that in one night. Of late I’ve been drinking about a bottle of Jack Daniels over a two day span.” The nurse looked at me like I had issues.

Then she asks me if I have any medication allergies. I’m not aware of any, so I told her I didn’t. She then asked me if I was allergic to Novocain. I started off telling her no, but then I remembered an incident that happened 3 years ago at the dentist. He was doing some work on my teeth and gave me some Novocain. My bottom lip swelled up to three times its normal size. After four hours it returned to normal. It was a one time thing and I don’t know if it is an allergy or not, so I told her that. This is when I received the shock of the day. She says to me, “Do you want me to mark that as an allergy? Because we can use something else when we do the procedure or we can attempt it again if you prefer.” Me, “Why would I need Novocain?” Nurse,” They numb your sphincter before inserting the camera in your rectum.” Me, “WHAT?!?!?!?!?! I’m here for stomach problems. I know of a much shorter route to get a camera into my stomach that up my butt!” As I’m saying it I’m making a hand gesture of a camera going through my colon. (Think of someone tracing the entire large and small colon with their hand.) If I did have a Novocain allergy, I would hate to have my sphincter swell up to three times it’s normal size. I’m not thinking that would be pleasant.

The nurse looks at the file she has, “Mr., Contagion, what’s your date of birth.” I give it to her and at that point the nurse has a small chuckle and says she grabbed the file for another patient of theirs that has the same name as me but is having problems in the opposite end of the digestive tract then I do. Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened to me in Rockford, so I get how the mistake happens. I’m just glad it’s not me that’s going to have a camera going where no man has gone, nor wants to, before. I do feel sorry for that other poor bastard.

We get that all straightened out, she gets the new file comes in and takes my blood pressure. She tells me it’s up from when I saw my doctor last a couple of weeks ago. I tell her of course it is, I’m in a gastroenterologists office and you just told me you wanted to stick a camera up my butt. That’s not a soothing situation.

The doctor comes in and asks more questions, does a physical, but not a COMPLETE physical. I even made sure to remind him, stomach problems, not colon problems. Then they end up just having me do the barium test. They didn’t even do the complete procedure; they just did a bunch of pre-procedure procedures to make sure they know what they are looking for. Now I have to go back in two weeks to finish.
Thus I was off my meds for 3 days, my stomach was a wreck, I feel like I swallowed a chunk of granite and I still have to go through all really rough stuff in 2 weeks. Two more weeks of wondering and speculation at what is wrong. How annoying.

At least they aren’t going to stick a camera up my arse!

Be Back Later

The day is here. Right now I’m just finishing preparing things to head off. I don’t know if I’ll be back on tonight or not, it all depends on how I feel. If you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, don’t worry. I’m too stubborn to not come back.

It tilted my head towards the toilet.

I'm doing my beer review a night early this week because I'm pretty sure tomorrow night I'm not going to be up to drinking a beer. This week's vile swill didn't help my stomach any. After about three sips my stomach flew into an acidy revolution that even the strongest prescription meds couldn't calm. Tonight I tried Tilt by Anheuser-Busch. Let me just say that whom ever decided that the hybrid of beer and energy drinks was a good idea should be forced into slavery cleaning outhouses in third world countries with their tongues. This is the third one I've tried and all of them are so nasty that I want to puke just so the taste of stomach bile would banish the flavor of this unholy concoction from my mouth.

It comes in a sliver can with an orange T on it along with the name of the beer. In a black bar on the bottom it says, "Premium (HA!) malt beverage with caffeine, ginseng, and guarana (Which I'm sure is anglicized for guano) extracts, Natural flavors and certified color." Certified color? What the hell is that? I can certify that it's farking nasty!

First off the beer is orange. Not orange like in color, but actually orange. It's like they mixed orange crush with any light beer. The head is pinkish in color and dissipates rapidly. There is no noticeable head after a couple of minutes.

The aroma is that of oranges and chalk. Yes, I said chalk. It's like sniffing oranges that are sitting on the railing of an old school chalkboard. The flavor reminds me of baby aspirin. Again that orange and chalk combination. There is a slight bitterness on the tongue that fades into an aftertaste that is almost medicinal. I'm not sure if it was the flavor or other health problems I'm having but it sparked off my gag reflex.

Drinking this beer was just like drinking an energy drink, except it was 6.6% alcohol by volume. (Excuse me, I burped and I thought I was going to evacuate all that I'd eaten in the last week. It made my nose burn.) Oh for the love of all that is good and right in the world don't drink this. Seriously, this stuff is a practical joke waiting to happen.

I'm going to give this "beer" a 1.5 out of ten. Now excuse me while I go gargle with some sterno to get this taste out of my mouth.

Yes, I drank the whole pint.

My private orchestra.

Last Saturday Tammi of Tammi’s world asked the question. “What’s your favorite thing about rain?” In the comments I made the statement of how relaxing a good cool fall rain is. There was nothing more relaxing than that. Then Saturday night after midnight I was out on the front porch smoking a cigarette. Ktreva had gone to bed already, and the boys were sleeping. There I stood, leaning against the railing enjoying the quiet evening air. And it was quiet. Quiet for living in the middle of a city of 150,000 people. No sirens, no planes, no yelling and even the motor vehicle traffic was almost non-existent.

The only sounds were the wind blowing through the leaves on the trees and crickets. The gentle breeze would pull the smoke off the end of the cigarette and make it dance. The thin wisps of smoke licking up into the air, twisting and twirling, dissipating until the human eye could no longer see it. The crickets played a gentle symphony to which the smoke danced. They drew their legs across each other like bows across a violin. The percussion of the leaves in the breeze complimented the crickets. Like natures orchestra, they played a haunting song. A song that cut to the heart of one’s soul and touches a person in ways they don’t expect.

Their tune brought back memories. Of good times long gone and friends lost. My mind filled with images that had been forgotten. Faces and places that I hadn’t thought of in at least 10 years. Times that when I reminisce with my friends, we have forgotten. All good memories that made me smile.

…And I was relaxed. Calmness spread over me that many people spend years and thousands of dollars trying to achieve. All my concerns and worries had vanished from me. The muscles in my neck and back had loosened from the tension that was in them earlier in the day. Clarity came to me and everything fell into place. I was relaxed more then any other time in my life.

All due to crickets.

This is helping

My damn nerves are finally kicking in. This Wednesday I’m supposed to have my little exploratory procedure done. I’m not nervous about the procedure itself, I’ve been though worse, it’s what they might find out that has me bothered. I’ve had blood work and bunch of other tests done and so far all I’m getting is, “We’d rather not speculate until we get confirmation.” Even after a thorough arse chewing they still felt, “It would be a mistake to discuss possibilities until we know more.” Gar!!!! Bastards!

I don’t know what’s worse not knowing, suspecting the doctors know something and my speculating as to what it is or actually knowing.

Only the Packers...

...could blow a 13 point lead to lose. What the hell!!!!

And as much as it pains me to admit this, if the Bears can keep up their performance for the rest of the season they could make it to the Super Bowl.

But as all Bear fans know, Grossman can only go so many games healthy before he gets hurt. Then it's up to Griese, who has worse knee's then I do.

Now excuse me while I go finish this bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Holy Leathernecks

I don’t follow college football. But I will check out the scores just to see how teams are doing. The only time I actually watch a game is when there is nothing else on. The only exception to this is Western Illinois University. Since it’s my alma mater I tend to keep an eye on how their team is doing. Imagine my surprise yesterday when I looked up the scores and I saw Western Illinois 58, Kentucky Wesleyan 0. Go Leathernecks!

I just hope Green Bay can do so well against New Orleans today.

Feelings.

I’m sure many of my readers remember the muppets. As a kid I loved The Muppet Show. The other day while searching through the net, I stumbled across this

Beaker singing Feelings.

It's German for Hot Dog.

Tonight I tried a Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse by Spaten-Brau in Munich, Germany. I've seen this beer around for a while, but I've never tried one. There was just something about it that made me a little apprehensive about sampling one. Half the fun of doing my weekly review is trying beers I wouldn't normally purchase. Since it was for my, and your, amusement I figured it wouldn't hurt.

There's something about the bottle that gave me the impression that this is a beer that has been sitting on the shelf since the 1930s. It's a brown bottle, with a gold foil seal around the cap. On a gold label there is a picture of a monk looking into a tankard. On the back it has directions on how to store and pour it. Interestingly you are to rinse a glass, fill it three quarters full, swirl, and pour the yeast. Since it comes in a 1 pint .9 fl oz bottle, you really do need to use the proper 26 ounce Weiss Glass.

While pouring a thick foamy head forms that doesn't seem to dissipate. It is very dense. There is minimal lacing on the glass. The coloring is that of straw with an orange tint. It is very cloudy. You can't make out the other side of the glass through it.

The first thing I noticed when I opened the bottle is that it had the scent of hot dogs. I'm not kidding, I called Ktreva into the room to smell it to make sure it wasn't just me. She confirmed that she thought the beer had a hot dog like aroma to it. After getting a couple of good whiffs I realized that it was a mixture of yeast and cloves that give it that hot dog like scent. The flavor has a subtle yeastiness to it, with a hint of clove. There is a hint of banana undertones to it. The after taste is mildly bitter with a hint of citrus.

The beer itself has a medium body. There is a moderate carbonation that gives it a little bight on the tongue. Towards the end of the beer there is a slightly grainy texture.

At first I thought I was going to hate this beer, but the more I drank it, the more it grew on me. I actually found myself rather pleased with it. It's easy to drink and as it warms it doesn't lose any flavor. I'm going to give it 6 out of 10.

Damn, it's Tuesday already?

(Climbing out of bottle)

Sorry, it was a long Sunday for me. Good company stopped by to help soak up some alcohol and watch the football games, but damn. It was bad enough having to watch the Green Bay Packers lose to the Bears. Then it got worse when during the third quarter I wasn’t hoping for a win, just for them too score. The fact that I’m watching the game with a Bears fan was just insulting. Then again he was probably the only civilized Bear fan on the planet, most are just assholes, even if I like the bastard. When the Bears made a good play, he’d say something like, “But that was a good tackle by the Packers!”… after cheering.

I retreated to the only refuge I had, the comforting arms of Jack Daniel’s. Jack consoled me and pointed out that we survived the 80’s, and the 90’s we dominated the NFC North/Central. It’s time for other teams to get a chance.

The only consolation I get out of this weekend was that at least it wasn’t the Vikings, and that two other teams did worse then the Pack… Long live the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders for stinking up the gridiron worse then the Packers. Sure it was only by one point more, but it was still worse.

Anyone think the Pack might make it to the Super Bowl this year?

Educating the Clone

Clone is growing up so fast. He started school last Thursday. Well, pre-school, but still school. Ktreva took Boopie to get some new school clothes. While they where out Boopie decided that Clone should have a shirt like Boopie’s for the first day of school. Which was a pretty good idea since Clone is in that stage that he wants to do everything his brother does. In the mornings I have to pack Boopie a lunch, I need to make Clone one too, even if he doesn’t go to school that day. (It’s just a banana in a bag)

Clone and Boopie before school

Ktreva took some time off of work to take Clone to school the first day. She wanted to see him off and get some pictures. From what she says, Clone had a great time and was really excited. When she picked him up, he was mad at having to leave. Apparently he enjoyed school. Then again, when I was his age I enjoyed school too. It wasn’t until they started teaching me things like Trigonometry that I really started hating it.

Clone and his Teachers

I’m glad he enjoyed school, which makes it easier to take him then if he doesn’t like it. However, I wish he didn’t like it so much. He’s constantly asking to go to school. It’s kind of annoying.

Posted by Contagion at 08:00 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Ready and waiting.

In two hours the NFL regular season starts. The defending Super Bowl champs, Pittsburgh Steelers, take on the Miami Dolphins. This could be an interesting game. The Steelers are with out their glory boy QB Ben Roethlisberger. This may give the Dolphins a much-needed break in tonight’s game to pull off a victory.

As soon as Ktreva gets home from work I’m off to a kick-off party. Hopefully it’s the first of many football parties I’m able to attend this year. So if you haven’t made your picks or roster changes yet, you have slightly less than two hours to make them.

Boddingtons Pub Ale

This week I decided to try a Boddingtons Pub Ale. Since I have never tried this beer before, I wasn't sure how it would drink. Mainly I picked it because it was on the shelf next to Guinness and Murphy's. Since Guinness and Murphy's are two of my favorite beers, I figured this couldn't be too bad.

It comes in a 1 pint yellow can with the name of the beer on it in black letters. There is a picture of a barrel that has two bees overlapped on it. On the back of the can there is a little history of the beer as well as a description of it. They also go into the superiority of the draughtflow system they use in the can. They also have directions on how to serve the beer. Guys, do you ever read the directions on how to serve a beer? Neither did I. Guess what, it's the same as any other beer that comes in a can with any Nitro-can. True beer drinkers don't need directions on how to pour a beer.

The beer pours a straw yellow/pale gold color. Light has no problem passing through. Upon first pouring it, the beer is mainly head, but it settles quickly. The head is a nice creamy white that settles like Guinness. There was minimal lacing on the side of the glass, but the last of head sticks around for a while.

Upon opening the can you can smell hops. There is also a slight grassy scent to it. It's not unappealing, just kind of surprising. The taste is of your Standard English Ale, malts and hops. There is a slight sweet taste to it. It's just enough to enhance the beer and not overpower it. There is a very slight aftertaste at the beginning, but as the beer warms it becomes more bitter and there is more of an aftertaste to it.

It has a light body to it. The texture is very smooth and creamy. It's probably one of the easiest beers to drink I've ever had. The pint glass disappeared in less then 10 minutes with a desire for a second. I can see walking into a pub and ordering a couple of pints of this while speaking with friends. Five hours later you've downed a good 10 pints and are still drinking the same beer. This is a good anytime beer.

It's not amazing, but it is slightly above average. I'm going to rate this a 6.

Come Hell or High Water.

Yesterday after the grilling fun we had an interesting development. Ktreva needed to take Boopie to the store to buy some new school clothes. She wasn’t gone 5 minutes when she called the house to say that the intersection of Charles and 20th (In Rockford) was underwater. There was a car stalled out in the middle of the intersection the water was running so high. It looked like a river flowing over the road, it was pushing stalled around. Cars in parking lots were being pushed into the street. Here’s a photo from her camera phone.

Charles St and 20th.
Click to enlarge.

We then found out that all the major roads around us where flooded and we couldn’t go anywhere. She came home as to not risk getting caught in one of the flash floods. We noticed a huge increase of traffic on our street. We figured people were using our street as a throughway to get past all the flooded main roads. Then one after another rescue vehicles with lights and sirens kept passing the house. At first we thought there was a house fire or they where going to the hospital. One of the hospitals is on Charles Street.

Ktreva went out onto the front porch and saw that one of the trucks was just half a block away. I went running down to see what was going on. When I came to the corner I saw that they where just there doing traffic control for a bigger emergency 2 blocks north. I headed down to see what was happening. That was when I received a shock. The Fire Department Emergency Rescue Squad was unloading a boat in the street. The water had rose enough that people where trapped inside houses. It was chest deep on the firefighters. They where evacuating the neighborhood just north of my house.

To make matters worse, the water was still rising. Trying not to stay out of the way, I asked one of the firefighters in a truck if I needed to evacuate my family. He told me that the water would have to rise 5 more feet before it even got to my house, let alone blocked us in. Just to be safe I ran, literally, home and told Ktreva, “This is NOT a panic situation, this is just being prepared. I want you to go pack some clothes for yourself and the boys. There’s flooding two blocks north of us and they are evacuating that part of the neighborhood. We are currently safe, and they officials do not feel we are in any immediate threat.” Next I called Wes of Bodhran (Drum) roll, please who lives two houses down from me. I spoke with his lovely wife and advised her of the situations. Again, I told her this is not a panic situation, just be prepared.

Grabbing a camera I went to check out the street on the other side of our house. The water here was only about a block away. I quickly snapped a picture, then the camera died. Unfortunately the picture didn’t turn out to well, but here is what the view was just a block from my house. If you look closely you can see cars floating. (Yes, they where floating).

Click to Enlarge

I offered my assistance to the firefighters, but the declined my help. I guess I can understand, it’s been ten years since I was certified last in water rescue. Not that they knew that, I think they where more concerned about me getting in their way. The water never did reach us, in fact it wasn't long after the above picture was taken that the rain stopped and the flood starting subsiding.

I will say one thing about Mayor Morrissey, The Rockford Fire Department, The Rockford Police Department, the Winnebago County Sheriff’s Department and all the surrounding agencies (We saw a Loves Park water rescue vehicle in the neighbor hood as well). They did an excellent job responding. They had the situation well in hand and even though numerous families where rendered homeless, they had emergency shelters set up and ready for them.

Depending on what report you hear, some areas received between 5-12 inches of rain in under 4 hours. Of course the weathermen and newscasters played this up as “Katrina style rains” (roll eyes), but it was nasty. The officials had no forewarning the weather would be like this, or that anything of this magnitude was going to happen. And since they want to compare this gully washer to Katrina, we had better emergency response then New Orleans.

This boy ain't right.

Okay, maybe I have issues. Heavy rain, still grilling. Hail, still grilling. Severe thunderstorm warning has been issued for my area; I’m still outside grilling.
Then the sirens and the TV is interrupted. “The national weather service has issued a tornado warning for your area. Law Enforcement officials have spotted a tornado and radar has confirmed rotation. What do I do? Do I head to the basement? No. Do I watch the radar to see where it’s going? No. Maybe I sat out on the front porch to see if I could spot the tornado, not this guy. No, I head out the backdoor to the grill to pull the brisket off.

I spent 6 hours cooking that chunk of meat; I am NOT letting the storm get it.

BTW, it was delicious.

The neighborhood smells good.

Everyone might remember that last weekend I was in a grilling mood, so I made some slow cooked pork chops. Unfortunately that didn’t cure my need to grill. All week I kept thinking of what choice of meat I could slow cook for hours. Finally I decided on a nice beef brisket. It’s been cooking over a low smoky heat for 6 hours. It’s about ready to be pulled off and eaten.

Click to Enlarge

I’m not meaning to gloat, but damn, it would be just down right inhumane of me to not share this!

If it makes you feel better, it's been raining with hail for the last 4 hours. Yes, I've been going out into that weather to make sure the meat cooked up right.

What? No, bad weather is not going to stop me from grilling.

T1G answered.

Basil’s Interview of T1G is up and ready to read.

He did a good job answering all the questions. What I found amusing is how many times he was asked what his favorite beer was.

Man Laws

We’ve all heard of them, Man Laws. The Man Laws are so important to the Male culture, that Miller Lite based a whole add campaign around them. Now Miller Lite has even put up a website that details the Man Laws and video clips of their various sessions. There is even a bio section where you can look up the members of the council aka Square Table.

You can even submit your own laws for review by the council. They have a ticker to give you updates of various man law violations and examples of man upholding the man law in exemplary ways.

Personally I like the “You poke it, you own it” law. This can be applied in so many ways besides retrieving beers, like claiming women.

Set backs.

Clone has been doing good with potty training, until today. He’s gone almost 2 weeks with out an accident. Then today he wet himself twice. Once he was trying to get to the bathroom at the daycare but another kid was in there and he couldn’t hold it any longer. The other was just him not going.

That, however, is not the worst of it. After I got him home tonight everything was fine, then he said he had to go potty and off he went. He’d been in the bathroom for 10 minutes and I knew something was up. When I walked in he looks at me and says, “I did a poop in the potty!” Well there was poop in the potty, but there was also poop on the seat, on the side all over his pants and underwear. He must have pooped his pants and tried to get it in the toilet to try to cover it up.

His fecal creation did not want to cooperate. It looked like he was playing with brown Playdoh and had it everywhere. I don’t know what was worse; trying to clean it off of the toilet or off of him. The scene was almost reminiscent of another incident we had last year.

GAH! Back to stage 1.