October 11, 2005

Legends come alive.

We’ve all heard of those stories that are just too strange to be true, or urban legends that always start with I know a guy that knows a guy whose cousin was… (Insert stupid story here). I however have the pleasure(?) not only of being able to spread a story like this, but it is in first person, as it happened to me.

The other morning I left my house to head for work. My wife had left with the boys already, so I was by myself. As I approached my truck, I heard a growl from behind me. Then two more distinctly different growls joined in. There was something different about the growl, it was higher pitched then I am accustomed to. Quickly I turned to face my attackers. In the past, I have had to fight a dog before, it’s painful and messy, but can be done easily enough.

Then I saw my attackers.

Three dogs, but not just any dogs, these where Chihuahuas. A pack of free roaming Chihuahuas straight from legend has invaded my neighborhood. All three of them were shaking like a crack fiend jonesing for their next fix. This time they picked the wrong prey. Looking down upon the obvious ringleader, the largest of the three dogs, I chuckle. These three must have had a serious Napoleon complex.

I turn to get into my truck when the three advance on me. WTF???? I have feet bigger then they are; are they hoping I’m going to have a heart attack? Taking a few quick steps forward all three run in different directions. I just couldn’t believe what was going on. Turning around to get into my truck, there is the leader and one of this cronies standing there. I can hear the other coming up behind me.

My amusement at the situation has waned. In my authoritative “I’m not happy” voice, I tell them, “I’ve eaten things bigger then you.” Still barking and growling, they move closer! Now my irritation at the situation has sparked an anger response in me. I try to kick one of these ankle biters. Missing as they all break and flee, I decide just to leave. Climbing into my truck, I can see they are still hanging around.

While I was backing out of the driveway, I’ll admit that I tried to run them over… and missed. Since my wife was already at work, and I wasn’t heading to the office, I called her to tell her the story. I also asked her to inform Animal Control that I was “Viciously attacked” by three Chihuahuas. I swear she fell out of her chair laughing! That’s love for you, I’m viciously attacked and she just laughs at me!

While driving a stray thought came to me, is this a new trend? Will packs of wild Chihuahuas start roaming the countryside in look of prey and to harass people? I sure hope so, free range Chihuahuas taste better then house kept ones.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at October 11, 2005 12:52 PM | TrackBack

I can hear it now, cries from all over Illinois, women screaming and hollering for 'Contagion the Chihuahua Slayer' to come save them and their broods from these evil packs of punt puppies! Heh heh heh

Posted by: Bou at October 11, 2005 04:16 PM

Now who WOULDN'T have laughed if their significant other calls them at work and tells them this story??? C'mon, it's chihuahua's for goodness sake!

Posted by: ktreva at October 11, 2005 06:22 PM

Joss Whedon presents:

"Contagion: The Chihuahua Slayer"

Yo Quiero Taco DEATH!

Posted by: Harvey at October 11, 2005 09:43 PM

*just grinning*

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 11, 2005 11:45 PM

I'm with the wife, fell out of my chair laughing!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 12, 2005 08:34 AM

ROTFLMAO! Thanks, I needed a good laugh.

Posted by: vw bug at October 12, 2005 12:55 PM

You do realize that if you are killed and eaten by chihuahua's i WILL make fun of mercilessly at the funeral, right? You're mom's side of the family would be pissed, but your dad's would be joining in....

Posted by: Graumagus at October 16, 2005 09:10 AM

Oddly enough, you're not alone! I've tried to run those little bastards over when I move the car out of The Wife's way so she can take the van to work, and I'm ALWAYS seeing/hearing them roam the block of a morning. I'm gettin' a pellet gun and I'm gonna see how fast the bastards can run with a limp. If I actually kill one, I'll stick it's head on a spike at the intersection between our houses.

"Yo quiero taco death"? LOL

Posted by: Wes at October 20, 2005 07:53 AM

This funny incident happened Sept 3, 2005. I was walking with Aunt Bertha showning her the neighborhood. 5 Chihuahua's upset the calm balance with their loud Satanic voices. The little son's of Satan saw the quick moment of fear in Aunt Bertha and began their attack, running in a pack then splitting with the lead 4 as Forlorn a sole rear Satanic beast out fanking to the rear behind us. The confusion of ear spliiting barks and dazzling precision attack caused my Aunt to twist and curl into my Arms for protection. Unable to move forward because of my aunt's fear gripping her frozen, I kicked the rear beast in the face/snout. Again it attacked and again I kicked the dog in the face and trunk. After five NFL style kicks in the face, the forlorne drew closer for a bite of me aunt. I kicked Satan's forlorn and pushed forward taking us out of their attack zone. Suspicious of her blatant fear of Satan's forlorn I asked Aunt Bertha what her past commanded her fear to be great trauma? she responded 'didn't your mother tell you what happened on the Ranch?(in Chihuahua Mexico). They live in caves and kill or disfigure humans, deer, calves, and goats. We (little girls) were always warned never to ride near the caves where they live in packs of 50 or more'. As I finish writing, you are probably thinking this is a fable. May I suggest a trip to Central Chihuahua before you raise the eyebrow!

Posted by: ramon at October 26, 2005 11:32 AM