Miasmatic Review

Legends come alive.

We’ve all heard of those stories that are just too strange to be true, or urban legends that always start with I know a guy that knows a guy whose cousin was… (Insert stupid story here). I however have the pleasure(?) not only of being able to spread a story like this, but it is in first person, as it happened to me.

The other morning I left my house to head for work. My wife had left with the boys already, so I was by myself. As I approached my truck, I heard a growl from behind me. Then two more distinctly different growls joined in. There was something different about the growl, it was higher pitched then I am accustomed to. Quickly I turned to face my attackers. In the past, I have had to fight a dog before, it’s painful and messy, but can be done easily enough.

Then I saw my attackers.

Three dogs, but not just any dogs, these where Chihuahuas. A pack of free roaming Chihuahuas straight from legend has invaded my neighborhood. All three of them were shaking like a crack fiend jonesing for their next fix. This time they picked the wrong prey. Looking down upon the obvious ringleader, the largest of the three dogs, I chuckle. These three must have had a serious Napoleon complex.

I turn to get into my truck when the three advance on me. WTF???? I have feet bigger then they are; are they hoping I’m going to have a heart attack? Taking a few quick steps forward all three run in different directions. I just couldn’t believe what was going on. Turning around to get into my truck, there is the leader and one of this cronies standing there. I can hear the other coming up behind me.

My amusement at the situation has waned. In my authoritative “I’m not happy” voice, I tell them, “I’ve eaten things bigger then you.” Still barking and growling, they move closer! Now my irritation at the situation has sparked an anger response in me. I try to kick one of these ankle biters. Missing as they all break and flee, I decide just to leave. Climbing into my truck, I can see they are still hanging around.

While I was backing out of the driveway, I’ll admit that I tried to run them over… and missed. Since my wife was already at work, and I wasn’t heading to the office, I called her to tell her the story. I also asked her to inform Animal Control that I was “Viciously attacked” by three Chihuahuas. I swear she fell out of her chair laughing! That’s love for you, I’m viciously attacked and she just laughs at me!

While driving a stray thought came to me, is this a new trend? Will packs of wild Chihuahuas start roaming the countryside in look of prey and to harass people? I sure hope so, free range Chihuahuas taste better then house kept ones.