Miasmatic Review

Da Schnappster!

One last thing on TO, just because this made me laugh my arse off.

I read this article by Charles Robinson regarding who might pick up TO. He has the football quote of the year as far as I’m concerned.

Owens will be released in the off season, and he's destined to woo someone else. He's the league's answer to Peppermint Schnapps – sweet when you meet, but a headache waiting to happen. What's worse, you know that going in, and you still end up in the same place.

***Emphasis mine

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay maybe not everyone will find that as amusing as I did, but maybe it’s because it brings back two memories for me. The first being the movie “The Stoned Age”, when the two guys try to go pick up these chics they show up with this gallon bottle of peppermint schnapps. (The Schnappster.. **TING**) Even the girls won’t touch the stuff. It was just hilarious.

The second stemmed from when I was in College. Now, to tell this story properly I will need to slip into story teller mode, those of you that have seen me in person tell stories know what I’m talking about, those of you that haven’t… I’m sorry you missed the show.

One night when I was in college, my friends and I went out drinking. (All my good stories start out like that, I don’t know why) It was September of my sophomore year; my sophomore palls and I took a couple of freshmen that lived on our floor in the dorm to this party. We had Skippy (All he ate was Skippy peanut butter) and Spin (He looked like the lead singer of the Spin Doctors) with us. They seemed like nice enough guys, and we thought we would show them were the good parties are held.

At the second party we arrived at they had peppermint schnapps flowing freely to the ladies… and Skippy. Skippy decided he loved the schnapps. Unbeknownst to us, Skippy had never drank before in his life. He found the taste alluring and couldn’t stay away from the stuff. He ended up getting pissed drunk. When I say pissed drunk, I mean he pissed himself in the middle of the party. After wetting himself he was forced to stay out of the house, now we being good friends that we were… having just met the guy in the last couple of weeks… we decided to stay at the party, in the house, away from him. Now I could lie and say we had hoped he would sober up, but I was quite the asshole, and I kept sending people out to him with a shot every 30 minutes… just to keep him drunk. (He was blitzed by 10:00 PM; we stayed at the party until 4:00AM).

After a while just to make sure he wouldn’t get too drunk we started giving him shots of water with a splash of Scope (To make him think it was the schnappster) between the other shots. Maybe it was all he had to drink, maybe it was the fact that toward the end of the night he spilled more down the front of his face then he got in his mouth, either way he never noticed, UNTIL we were walking home. We had to leave when Skippy took a header off of the second floor balcony into some bushes. God loves the stupid and drunks, because he walked away with out a scratch. On the way home, between trying to bounce off every car, tree and bush, he finally let the urge to ‘gurge flow. Bear hugging a tree he opened his mouth and all the water, scope and peppermint schnapps he had been drinking came out of him with enough force to tip him over onto his back.

Picture if you will, Skippy a scrawny kid no taller then 5ft 6, laying on his back spewing like a fountain. The bile pepperminty fluid splashing back down over his face and chest. None of us wanted to touch the kid; he was covered in vomit and piss. Finding a large stick, which was actually a fence post we ripped out of the ground. We prodded Skippy until he got up and was able to get back to the dorm. As we were walking away he says, “Have I been drinking Scope?” We all start busting up.

Now you would think he would learn his lesson? Nope… the very next weekend he went out and did the SAME thing with peppermint schnapps. The whole semester went that way, every couple of weeks he would get blitzed off of the schnappster. In December, when he found out he was probably going to flunk out, I asked him why he kept drinking peppermint schnapps. His response was what made the above comment so funny.

“It’s like dating a girl you know is just using you. At the beginning of the night it’s great. Everything is sweet, exciting and sensual. By the end of the night you realize that for what you got, it cost you a lot, but it was so good you just can’t help going back for more.” – Skippy December, 1993.