December 07, 2005

It must be a conspiracy.

Damn it people! Today is just not going the way I planned it. First, I am accused of being a nice guy. I’ve spent most of the morning trying to debunk that rumor. Just when I thought I had it beaten, something happens to undermine all my efforts!

My office is having a drive to collect money for some charity to buy presents for underprivileged kids. Honestly people, I don’t know the name of it. Just let it go, it’s not that important!

Anyway, to raise money they are selling balloons for a $1. This has been going on all day. No, I didn’t buy any balloons; well okay, I bought a balloon for the new sexy red head at work. It just happens to be my wife and I’m somewhat contractually obligated to buy her a balloon. That doesn’t make me a nice guy, only a smart husband.

What? I didn’t mention my wife died her hair red? Sorry, it was an early Christmas gift to me. (YAY ME!) Plus I try to keep this blog PG, not always successfully, but I do try. The story that would go with this definitely would garner an NC-17 rating.

All right, back to the story. All day one of my peers is running around handing out balloons. As I was walking to check on some minions, (I suspected of slacking off) I saw this haggard look on her face. I actually get along with this peer fairly well. Out of the blue, I offer to help pass out balloons. It was like being in a car accident.

Everything slowed down.

Each word seemed long and drug out. My mind is screaming “NO”, yet my mouth kept making the offer. As soon as I finished time reverted to normal, there was no taking back what I had said. My peer smiled, not a small smile, not a polite smile, but a smile of appreciation and thanks! She handed me the balloons she had and went to get more.

There I am, walking around my office with a cloud of balloons following me everywhere I go. People are snickering at the site. A couple even thought that *I* had bought the balloons and where handing them out on my own. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! For over an hour and a half I walked around handing out balloons to the people they where purchased for. Back and forth across our office I walked with balloons, distributing them to people I both knew and didn’t. A rainbow of happiness and joy had permeated the aura of oppression and despair that I try to shield myself. People I did NOT know where smiling and greeting me. I had nightmares that hell was like this, only I was dressed as a clown.

To make matters worse my peer kept coming up and thanking me loudly and publicly! The nerve and audacity of the woman, she should know better! My minions started looking at me in a different light; a couple even tried to address me in polite conversation! This will not do, oh no it will not!

Tomorrow I start pushing for Overtime on the 24th. Christmas Eve mandatory OT is the only thing I can think of that will undo all the damage was done to my reputation.

Maybe some of you are right and I do need to think before I speak.

Posted by Contagion in at December 7, 2005 04:18 PM | TrackBack

Ok, who are you and what have you done with Contagion?

Posted by: Machelle at December 7, 2005 03:51 PM

did they start the sensitivity training a little early?

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 7, 2005 03:58 PM

Sounds to me like ktreva should NOT die her hair. It makes you act a little strange. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at December 7, 2005 04:40 PM

I'm with VW, Ktreva should know better ;)

Posted by: oddybobo at December 7, 2005 04:53 PM

Firing some slack ass just before Christmas usually works for me. I have done it 2 years in a row now!

Posted by: Shawn at December 7, 2005 05:16 PM

Nah - Ktreva is kinda hot as a redhead - I'm all for it ;)

Posted by: Shadoglare at December 7, 2005 06:26 PM

VW, Oddy... Shut up!

Shadoglare: Dude, that's my wife you're talking about!

Posted by: Contagion at December 7, 2005 06:35 PM

Shadoglare: You didn't know it was red until I got up close, you thought I dyed it BROWN! colorblind.

Oddy & VW: I'll take full credit for the niceness my husband displayed today...*wink*

Posted by: ktreva at December 7, 2005 07:12 PM

You should have walked into a room with a very high ceiling and "accidentally" let them go -- or gone outside and said, "Whoops."

The damage is done.

If any balloons are still standing today, find them and pop them without saying a word.

Posted by: Ogre at December 8, 2005 06:07 AM

Duuude, you're *nice*! :-D

Posted by: Wes at December 8, 2005 03:29 PM