Miasmatic Review

Surly Scotsman Rides Again.

I finally pulled my wife away from the Sims 2 in order for me to post about my weekend. My wife (Ktreva) and I did one of our Re-enactments last weekend in Bourbonnais, IL called The Gathering on the Theatiki. This is a fun event; we had a great time as usual. We were almost to the spot where we were dumping off Clone on my sister for the weekend when I get a call from Blog daughter Virtue. She wants to know if I have a Dutch oven she can use. “Back home in my garage, I’m almost half-way there.” I responded. I wasn’t cooking anything in one this weekend, so I didn’t bring it. I told her she could borrow one of the frying pans I had with me if she needed it, after I was done using it. She thanked me offered to clean my cast iron, do my dishes, and gather firewood and water for me. Last year at an event I bought her at an indentured servant auction. She’s mine for the next 7 years or until I sell her. Therefore, she has to do that for me anyway. I told her she could do soft-core porn, but she didn’t feel that would be appropriate with a name like Virtue.

Ktreva and I arrive at the site, check in and head down to where we camped last year. We liked that spot and wanted it again. When we pulled in one of the Illinois River Scum, a group of guys that are hard-core re-enactors, had taken the spot we wanted. Which is okay, because we wanted to camp next to them anyway. We took the spot next to them, were they camped last year. They are great guys and we get along with them really well.
We had almost finished setting up when Virtue, Chastity and Dr. “Special” arrived. Virtue calls me on her cell phone from the registration tent and is whining because, “Clan Chattan is registered as a military group, but we are not military. I don’t want to camp with the military groups, can we please camp with you?” She was almost hyperventilating because of this. After explaining that for this event when Clan Chattan registered they were a military unit because originally all the guys that were coming wanted to play in the battle and bring the artillery piece along. I then told her she could just come down and camp next to us. Which was the biggest mistake I made all weekend.

First they show up and don’t know how to set up their tents. Showing them how to tested my patience, and then they didn’t have all the parts they needed to set up the Fly (A piece of canvas that acts like a front porch). Ktreva told them we were going into town for dinner. Since they didn’t know the town, they decided they were going to come with. As I was pulling away all three of them ran up and jumped into the bed of the truck. All three of them screaming, “Take us with you! Don’t leave us alone!” Taking pity on them I pulled over and let them ride in the cab with us. After 15 minutes of musical seats, because they were fighting over whom got to sit next to who, we were on our way. We went to a local Steak Buffet for dinner. By this time we were all dirty and smelly from setting up camp, gathering firewood and being around campfires. Another trader had told me of this place the year before, that’s were I decided we should go. At first I thought we might be a little grungy for this place since we all looked very white-trashy. Upon entering the building I felt we fit right in! During the dinner conversation we started talking about crap jobs. I tell them that I worked at K-mart when I was in high school. Dr. “Special” proceeds to ask me, “They had K-marts back then?” Ktreva, Chastity and Virtue all jumped in the way preventing me from making Dr. “Special” wear his tongue as a necktie.

After Dinner, I then had to take them to Aldi so they could do some grocery shopping. I discovered that the Aldi down there has a liquor department. They sold crappy wine and beer that *I* had never heard of. None of the ones up here have that, or at least I haven’t seen it in any of the Aldi’s up here. Then I had to take them to the hardware store for their missing parts. Now I blame myself for this next part. I should have known better, but I sent Virtue and Dr. “Special” into the store on their own to get the parts they needed. They had a list and it wasn’t that difficult. After 20 minutes of listening to Chastity and Ktreva harp on me for sending them in there alone. I decided I should go in after them. It’s a good thing I did. After making my way to the Hardware section, I found Virtue sitting on the floor crying with various bolts, washers and wing nuts scattered about her. Dr. “Special” is standing there facing a display of trashcans mumbling, “Make it stop. Why won’t she stop crying? Why should I do?” Virtue explains they don’t have the right size nuts to fit the bolts and she isn’t sure if she should go one size smaller or not. I gather them up and the size smaller bolts, washers and wing nuts and we leave after Virtue makes a scene at the check out counter. When we arrived back at camp they discovered that Virtue must have written down the wrong size on the bolts, because even the size smaller was too big for the hole. They ended up not setting up the fly and using ours all weekend. At least they cleaned up after themselves!

I had decided I really wanted to participate in the Woods Walk battle out there. This is where they re-enact a battle based on a scene from “Last of the Mohicans” with Daniel Day Lewis. They have re-enactors (Military) escorting the public (Civilians) through the forest. The French and Indians ambush the civilians on the trail and the military fends them off. This puts the public right into the heart of the battle. It is a very cool scenario and both re-enactors and public loves doing it. In order to participate as a fighter you need to belong to or join up temporarily with a military group. There were three different units of the Roger’s Rangers at this event; one of them is the group that Clan Chattan prefers to fight against. This group has been trying to “Slip me the King’s shilling” for two years to fight with them. When I walked into their camp Friday night I was talking with them and their Dutch Recruiting Sgt made a smart arse comment about how he had been in England and almost bought a real 1750’s shilling to slip to me. I told him that it was too bad because I would have taken it. I have never seen this man move so fast. He knocked over a chair and almost tore his tent down to find a “Shilling” (He used a quarter) to give to me. I took it voluntarily and they bought my services for the woods walk Saturday and Sunday. It was great fun. Especially since whenever I shoot I can hear the kids and the publics reaction to what I do. I loved hearing a kid about 8 say, “Look dad! That guy just killed an Indian!”

We spent a lot of time socializing with other re-enactor friends, which was great. I also spent a lot of time giving Virtue, Chastity and Dr. “Special” a hard time all weekend. Every time they would ask to borrow something or ask me to help them or just say anything, I would respond with, “It’s because of you that I left the Clan.” I wasn’t serious and they knew it, but it was fun to harass them. Virtue also received her Indian name over the weekend, She Who Smiles A Lot. Even when she tries to be mad, she still was smiling. Other re-enactors were giving her grief about her “Short cheek muscles”. Even though I gave them a hard time, okay I was just down right mean to them, I enjoyed having them in the camp next to us. They helped keep me entertained. Plus the girls helped me recruit for the Mortar Maidens. Virtue is my new director of Model Posing.

Speaking of the Mortar Maidens, this event was ripe with volunteers. I had 8 different women pose for me. It all started with my friends Will and Red’s daughter posing and then I just kept finding women that would pose. I’m really glad because I was starting to run out of pictures.

At the end of the event I was thoroughly relaxed. The only thing I would have changed if I could was the temperature, it was very hot both days and that made it a tad uncomfortable. I had other re-enactors asking me why I was still wearing my waistcoat in the afternoon. My answer was always, “Because they would have worn them at all times back then.” The hardcore ones, even those that had taken theirs off, agreed that a proper white male at that time would not have walked around in just his shirt. I earned a lot of respect from the hard-core re-enactors by keeping to my standards. The public however thought I was daft.

Two groups also tried to recruit me into their ranks. I politely turned down both invitations, as I don’t want to do the group thing anymore. I’m enjoying the freedom of being an individual. The River Scum is trying to get me to go on a canoe trek with them. I just don’t think I fit in since I have a moral and an ethic. (Yes that is singular on purpose). That and I don’t want to be known as “The quiet and polite one” among any gathering of re-enactors. Don’t get me wrong; I love that group of guys. I hung out with them both Friday and Saturday night. After listening to their stories I’m pretty sure that not only would they drink me under a table, but also they would leave me tied to a tree on an island as a joke. Plus I just don’t think I’m hardcore enough to fit in with them. I like my little comforts… like toilet paper. I’ll be damned if I’m cutting the pocket out of my knee breeches to wipe my arse with!

At the end of the event I gave Virtue, Chastity and Dr. “Special” (Who still thinks I was around when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I’m only 32) a piece of trade silver as a friendship gift. This was to show them that even though I gave them a lot of hell over the weekend, it was all in good-natured fun and they where my friends. Except Dr. “Special” whom one night isn’t going to wake up from a sleep after I club him with the wooly mammoth femur I kept from my first kill… the little bastard! Actually he’s not a bad guy, but he is very quiet. I’m not sure if he was just shy or scared of me.

All had a great time and I’m looking forward to my next event in just over a month.