October 13, 2005

I can only do wrong.

So last week my work sends me to this sensitivity “leadership” class. Basically, I was told that I needed to change my personality and try to be nicer and more positive. I know my job is not on the line, but I figured when it comes time for my review it would be nice to show that I’m trying. All week I’ve been smiling at work, being nice, saying hello and just being cheery in general. Here are some of the responses I’ve received to the newer “nicer” Contagion.

“It’s disconcerting to see you so happy.”

“Why are you smiling? What are you going to do to me?”

“It gives me the creeps that you are saying hello to everyone. It’s like you are planning a hit list.”

“I don’t like when you say please and thank you. It gives me chills, not the good kind.”

“Did you get some last night?” (Nice, huh? If I had said that I would be instantly back in sensitivity class or fired However, because it was females that said it to me, it’s okay.)

“We’ve decided that your being nice is wrong. We liked the pressure of having to worry about you coming to chew us out.”

“Are you on Prozac?”

“STOP BEING NICE!!! I can’t work in these conditions.”

“You said hello to me… what did I do wrong?”

“You know my name?!?!?! Does this mean I’m getting fired?”

“I’m scared; you’re going to shoot someone aren’t you?”

I just can’t win. They complain when I’m my normal work driven self and they complain when I’m nice and caring. I’d try being a ripe bastard for a while just for their reactions. If I thought, I wouldn’t be fired for driving someone to commit suicide.

Posted by Contagion in Tales from the Work Place at October 13, 2005 12:57 PM | TrackBack

You should lodge a complaint i.e. hostile work environment ;) That'll teach em!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 13, 2005 12:04 PM

That is too, too funny! Now it's you who can't work under those conditions. I love the way you keep them guessing.

My boss should take tips from you!

Posted by: michele at October 13, 2005 12:48 PM

Just tell 'em you had a near-death experience and you're trying to change your ways because you were told that you were on the fence between the up and down escalator.

Yeah, I know, I stole this from a recent episode of Tripping the Rift.

Posted by: Harvey at October 15, 2005 10:33 AM

"I was going into the light... but it wasn't a light... it was FLAMES...."

Posted by: Graumagus at October 16, 2005 09:06 AM

Hmmm, how d'ya suppose the word on the hit list got out?

Posted by: Barb at October 16, 2005 10:26 PM

Con, is the light at the end of the tunnel supposed to flicker?

Posted by: Wes at October 20, 2005 07:38 AM