January 03, 2006

No more for the road.

After the last four days, I no longer doubt that I am indeed aging. When I was in college, I could drink for days on end with no side effects. My partying could go on until the sun came up; I’d go home sleep until noon, get up and do it again day after day. Apparently, I don’t have that ability anymore.

For my party I bought a quarter barrel of beer. Yes, it was overkill, but I really enjoy draft beer. Knowing I had more then enough to last, I tapped her Friday night and started drinking on it. Saturday during the party, I think I was the only one doing any kind of serious damage to the contents of that barrel. The reason I say that is because I was constantly drinking from it using a 36 oz mug and I remember filling it a dozen times. Sunday morning when I checked it, ¾ of that keg was still there. DAMN!

For those of you not in the know, a quarter barrel/keg of beer holds 7.75 gallons of beer. That is the equivalent of about 71 pints of beer (With a half-inch head) or 3.4 cases of 12 oz cans. It would be morally and ethically wrong of me to waste that much beer. Being the honorable man that I am, I moved the keg next to the couch. While watching football on Sunday with a friend that came over I kept filling my glass with out having to get up. Guys, if you’ve never done this, I highly recommend it.

I don’t know how much I had to drink on Sunday, but my friend (whom doesn’t drink beer) said I had 8 pints by half time of the Packer game. According to Ktreva, I pulled my last pint off it around 8:30 Sunday night. Monday morning when I checked it, I figure I must have drunk close to 25 pints on Sunday. There was still ice-cold beer just waiting for me Monday morning. It was my duty to make sure that beer was consumed.

Calling for re-enforcements, I had my buddy Shadoglare come over and give me a hand. I even pressed Ktreva (good for about 3 pints) into consumption service. Sure enough, I started pulling pint after pint out of that keg just before noon on Monday. I finally decided I could not drink another drop of beer around 7:30 PM. I believe there is about half a gallon left in there.

Not once over the last four days did I get a hang over from drinking all that beer. Nope, not even a hint of one. However, today I as I sat at work I could feel my stomach and bowels revolt against my mainly liquid diet of the last 4 days. My head feels like it’s in a thick fog, my hands are a little shaky and I can NOT get the taste of beer out of my mouth no matter what I do.

The part that gets me the most is my stomach and bowels. I sit here with ulcers flaring in a gastro-fireworks display. I can feel my stomach churn and cramp with every move I make. My bowels have decided that they don’t want to handle anything solid. I’d go into more detail, but I’m sure you get the picture. I’ve spent more time in the bathroom then doing anything else. Of course, Ktreva has no sympathy for me, not that I’m asking for it. She believes, rightly so, that it’s my own fault I’m in this condition. She’s right; I thought I could do something I hadn’t done in 9 years.

God I’m getting old.

Posted by Contagion in My torture for your entertainment at January 3, 2006 04:59 PM | TrackBack

Valiant effort Contagion, some battles just weren't meant to be won.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at January 3, 2006 03:14 PM

I had a similar experience about a year ago when I did battle with a several fifths of gin I received as presents. Except my wife took great joy in tormenting me during the two days it took for me to recover.

I instead of blaming it on old age; blamed it on being out of practice.

Posted by: phin at January 3, 2006 03:20 PM

... oh I just can't help it... ROFLMAO!!!

Posted by: Teresa at January 3, 2006 04:14 PM

Knowing how it is to be out of practice, I do sympathize, but must laugh none the less! Oh, and point and dance and say *you're gettin old!*

Posted by: oddybobo at January 3, 2006 04:18 PM

Friggin' Lightweight! :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at January 3, 2006 06:31 PM

Oh yeah...You Do get "MAN Points" for the sterling attempt though.

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at January 3, 2006 06:32 PM

Umm... Yeah we gotta meet, cause there's no way a pony keg (what we call tiny kegs) would be flushed. Admire your chutzpah.

Posted by: spurs at January 3, 2006 10:28 PM

Hey people, I tried. I think I damaged my liver! All that beer plus the whiskey, Scotch, rum, champagne, and bourbon I was drinking really took it's toll.

Spurs: Up here the pony kegs are the 2.5 gallon mini kegs... there's not a chance one of those would have gone to waste.

Posted by: Contagion at January 4, 2006 07:16 AM

If you had really wanted to get rid of that, that badly, you could have gotten ahold of some other guy down in stillman...

Posted by: Tammi at January 4, 2006 05:19 PM

What the hell is this "NO" shit???

Posted by: Tammi at January 5, 2006 06:43 PM