January 04, 2006

Will no one take care of this problem?

The pack of free roaming Chihuahuas is back. This time they came up to my family and I as we were getting out of our vehicle and heading into the house. After the incident with the officer last week, I was taking no chance. These could be bloodthirsty man-eaters that would attack my family.

Deciding action was needed; I contacted Animal Control (AC) and had this conversation:

AC: Animal Control, how can I help you?

Me: I need to report a pack of Chihuahuas roaming through my neighborhood. I live at (address and street intersection given).

AC: Have they done anything to you?

Me: Well, they barked at my family and came into my yard. This isn’t my first run in with them, I believe these are the same ones that attacked me 3 months ago. After last week when that police office was attacked, I don’t want to take the risk. These may be vicious man-killers.

AC: …(silence)

Me: I have a two year old! The three of them, using the pack mentality, may entrap him and try to eat him while he’s outside.

AC: (long pause) Sir, are you joking?

Me: NO! There are three Chihuahuas right now standing in my front yard looking at me as I am speaking to you. My boys want to go outside and play, but I can’t. The last thing I need is for them to be attacked by these brutes.

AC: You did say “Chihuahuas” right? You’re talking about the tiny dogs that people carry around in their purses?

Me: EXACTLY! They carry them around as a weapon. All they have to do is throw the blood crazed little boogers at someone and they’ll rip out the victims jugular.

AC: (long pause) Sir, okay I have you’re information, I’ll send an officer as soon as possible.

Me: Please hurry, they are still sitting outside and I need to go someplace tonight. The last thing I need is for one of those little bastiches attacking me.

AC: Yes sir, right away. Is there anything else?

Me: No, I just want those things locked up. They are a menace to society, and a threat to the safety of the people in this neighborhood.
AC: Thank you for calling Animal Control.

(End of Call)

It’s been 20 minutes and that officer hasn’t shown up yet. I’m thinking I might have to go vigilante and take matters into my own hands. I wonder what a .347 magnum will do to a Chihuahua?

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at January 4, 2006 04:53 PM | TrackBack


Posted by: vw bug at January 4, 2006 05:12 PM

The only thing I can think of is chihuahua "spray" all over your front yard after you get them with the gun. Maybe an identifiable ear or tail, but not much more.

Good greif this is just too funny!! :-)

Posted by: Sarah at January 4, 2006 05:16 PM

Ummm.... well, I'd laugh, but it only takes one bite from a small animal to transmit rabies. I don't think anyone wants to have to go to the hospital and do those horrible shots.

BTW - I loathe Chihuahua's. I would've called the cops and told em to come protect me. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at January 4, 2006 08:19 PM

I was thinking along Sarah's lines... Splatter.

Posted by: Bou at January 4, 2006 10:03 PM

Of course the guys in the office are now wondering why laughing uncontrollably.

The results should you connect: splatter, most definitely splatter.

Posted by: phin at January 5, 2006 08:14 AM

Ew! Chihuahua splatter!

Posted by: oddybobo at January 5, 2006 08:24 AM

So did somebody come and save you or what? Don't go leaving us hangin'!! :-)

Posted by: Sarah at January 5, 2006 12:42 PM

.357 + ratdog = fine red mist.

I'm getting sick of them yapping around in my yard when I'm having my morning smoke on the front porch. Ya think Animal Control'll take it seriously when I call them, too?

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