Miasmatic Review

Will no one take care of this problem?

The pack of free roaming Chihuahuas is back. This time they came up to my family and I as we were getting out of our vehicle and heading into the house. After the incident with the officer last week, I was taking no chance. These could be bloodthirsty man-eaters that would attack my family.

Deciding action was needed; I contacted Animal Control (AC) and had this conversation:

AC: Animal Control, how can I help you?

Me: I need to report a pack of Chihuahuas roaming through my neighborhood. I live at (address and street intersection given).

AC: Have they done anything to you?

Me: Well, they barked at my family and came into my yard. This isn’t my first run in with them, I believe these are the same ones that attacked me 3 months ago. After last week when that police office was attacked, I don’t want to take the risk. These may be vicious man-killers.

AC: …(silence)

Me: I have a two year old! The three of them, using the pack mentality, may entrap him and try to eat him while he’s outside.

AC: (long pause) Sir, are you joking?

Me: NO! There are three Chihuahuas right now standing in my front yard looking at me as I am speaking to you. My boys want to go outside and play, but I can’t. The last thing I need is for them to be attacked by these brutes.

AC: You did say “Chihuahuas” right? You’re talking about the tiny dogs that people carry around in their purses?

Me: EXACTLY! They carry them around as a weapon. All they have to do is throw the blood crazed little boogers at someone and they’ll rip out the victims jugular.

AC: (long pause) Sir, okay I have you’re information, I’ll send an officer as soon as possible.

Me: Please hurry, they are still sitting outside and I need to go someplace tonight. The last thing I need is for one of those little bastiches attacking me.

AC: Yes sir, right away. Is there anything else?

Me: No, I just want those things locked up. They are a menace to society, and a threat to the safety of the people in this neighborhood.
AC: Thank you for calling Animal Control.

(End of Call)

It’s been 20 minutes and that officer hasn’t shown up yet. I’m thinking I might have to go vigilante and take matters into my own hands. I wonder what a .347 magnum will do to a Chihuahua?