Miasmatic Review

Not so shocking.

It has been a while since I've regailed you with a tale of my minions. Thinking you might be forgetting what it's like to work for me, I wanted to remind you. I was thinking of which incident to go with, when all of a sudden the following happened.

This morning one of my minions tells me her phone is dead, nothing works on it, not even the lights. When I get to her desk, sure enough the phone is completely dead. She says it was working the day before and when she left, but when she came in this morning it was dead. Before I called the help desk on this, I thought I’d look to see if it was unplugged.

It had been a while since I had “fun” with one of my minions and this was just the perfect time to do it. Thinking to myself why not, I started talking to my minion:

Contagion, “It looks like you yanked some wires out of the plug.”

Minion, “Okay, I’ll call the help desk.”

Contagion, “Now, just wait a second. This is just like phone wiring; I think I can repair this.” (I do some repairs around the building, it’s not part of my job duties or description, but I know how and it’s faster then the help desk. Then once I get it working, I call the help desk to let them know.)

Minion, “Okay, do you need me to do anything?”

Contagion, “Nah, just stand back and hand me stuff as I ask for it.”

Minion, “Have you done this before?”

Contagion, “Not on this type of phone, but electrical and phone wiring is all pretty similar, it shouldn’t be that different. It’s just a matter of conecttinngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngng” (Feet flailing kicking the ground, body gyrating like a drunk trying to do the centipede, head banging like a some one going through shock therapy, facial muscles tense as lips are peeled back in grimace of pain. This goes on for about 10 seconds)

Meanwhile, Minion, “OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!” (Panicked look on face Blood drained from head, eyes as wide as saucers, doing the “I’m scared dance”)

Contagion: (Stops flailing and is laughing his arse off)

Minion, “I SO HATE YOU! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON!”

Contagion, “You’re eyes were huge and the color still hasn’t come back to your cheeks… that was funny as all heck!” (Yes, I said heck. At work, my language is as clean as the Pope’s is during mass. Unless, I’m really, really pissed and then I may use the occasional “damn”)

(Ktreva goes walking past. We work together, no she is not a minion… anywhere… sigh)

Minion to Ktreva, “I hate your husband. He’s a jerk.”

Ktreva ignores minion as she is in a bad mood and heading somewhere in a hurry

Contagion, “See, she doesn’t care either.”

Minion to me, “Someday, somebody will get back at you for doing stuff like that.”

Contagion, “Someday was six years ago and that somebody was Ktreva.” (Grins)

Minion, “I’m telling her you said that!”

Contagion, “Be my guest, it’s not like I haven’t said it to her.”

Minion, “I don’t know how she puts up with you.”

Contagion, “Neither do I. That reminds me, time to buy her more jewelry. Keep her happy and my life is easier. Now go sign on to another computer, I can’t fix this. I’ll get the help desk involved”

My minion is still glaring at me, and this happened five hours ago. Some people just don’t have a sense of humor.