Miasmatic Review

Dilemma

I have a dilemma that I’m going to ask my contaminants to assist me in. I’ve contemplated on this for the last 24 hours, and I just can’t make up my mind. My head tells me one thing and this shriveled up lump in my chest tells me another. I’m hoping one of you will be able to help me make an informed decision.

Yesterday a minion of mine stopped me while I was walking through the department. She says to me, “Mr. Contagion, can I ask you a question?”

Contagion: (rolls eyes) “If you must.”

Minion: “I’ve heard you own some guns, is that true.”

Contagion: (Waiting for the anti-gun rant) “Yes, I own a couple.”

Minion: “Do you think you could do me a favor?”

Contagion: (Being apprehensive) “If you ask me to kill your husband I’m going to be very upset.”

Minion: “NO, no. Not that. We live out in the country on an old farm. We rent the land out to other farmers to actually farm. We kept some of the land so we could some animals. Unfortunately, one of them has become sick and is in a lot of pain. We can barely make ends meet right now since my husband was laid off, and the vet bill for the visit cleared out our savings.”

Contagion: (Hopeful) “Please tell me it’s a Llama.”

Minion: “ Llama? No, why? It’s a bull mastiff.”

Contagion: “Never mind, it’s a long story. Okay, so what do you want from me?”

Minion: “We can’t afford to pay to have him put down. Rocky, the dog, is one of our favorites and we are awfully attached to him. We don’t own a gun and even if we did, I don’t think we could bring ourselves to shooting him.”

Contagion: (Seeing where this is going) “Okay….”

Minion: “Since I know you don’t have any problems with killing animals. I was wondering if you would mind coming out and shooting Rocky for us?”

Contagion: “Yea, I need to think on that one. It’s not like I’m just picking off Bambi’s mother at 200 yards. This is actually somewhat humanitarian. It’s not something I normally do, just shooting an animal to put it out of its misery. It’s up close and personal.”

Minion: “I understand.”

I went back to my desk and pondered on this situation. After I got home and the excitement of the baby, I sat and pondered on it. As I tried to sleep last night, I continued to ponder on it. All morning, while bathing, getting dressed, making breakfast, driving to work, sitting through meetings and passing out work, I’ve been thinking of this. I’m just not sure what to do.

What do you think?

.357 magnum or .30-30 rifle?