Miasmatic Review

My wife beats me!

Last night as I was preparing for sleep, I kept a close watch on the wife. My eye is hurting more, and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t beating me. Anyone that has met us knows that no one is going to believe she beat me unless I started it. Thus, if I file spousal abuse charges against here, I’d probably end up in jail.

As I laid there in the dark, fearing the beating I was about to receive, a sense of déjà vu came over me. This is not the first time I’ve laid in this bed in fear of being beaten by my wife. She actually did beat me once, it happened way back when…

(Insert wavy flashback lines)

…we were not yet married. I was working for the State, 11 PM to 7 AM, my days off rotated and at the time of the incident they where Thursday and Friday. Ktreva worked Monday through Friday 7 AM to 3:30 PM. In order to keep my sleep schedule from screwing up too much, I would stay up late on my days off, not going to bed before 4:00 AM. When my sleep schedule was screwed up, it made my first day back to work very difficult.

One night after watching some really bad movie on late night television, I went upstairs and crawled into bed. Leaning over, I kissed my lovely wife on the top of her head. She sits up in bed and in perfect form punches me in the eye! The woman I love and am going to marry punched me as hard as she could for kissing her! Fortunately, she is not the strongest woman in the world as it didn’t hurt, but it more then shocked me a little.

With out a word, she lies back down and falls asleep. Not wanting to anger her anymore, I just laid there thinking, “What the hell was that for?” When morning came and I finally rose from my slumber, Ktreva had already left for work. That day I went over to a friend’s house to help him with some stuff. His wife looks at me and asks, “What happened to your eye?” I hadn’t looked at myself in the mirror that morning, but my wife had given me a black eye!

When I finally went home, Ktreva was in the office on the computer. She saw me enter the house. With a big smile, she got up to give me a hug and a kiss. I on the other hand pointed a finger at her and yelled, “YOU STAY TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME!” She wanted to know why she had to stay away. I wanted to know why she felt the need to punch me. I regale her with the tale of her dotting me in the eye, and what does she do? My “loving” and “caring” wife is laughing her arse off. She doesn’t remember doing it. At least that is what she claims. To this day, she still claims not to remember, let alone know why she punched me.

Now, to be honest, I was somewhat proud she used perfect form.