Miasmatic Review

What are we teaching our kids?

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been spending sometime with the boys. During the day Boopie is at school, however Clone is home with me. He’s pretty easily entertained; we’ve colored, put together puzzles, and watched some movies and TV. Sometimes, he just wants to watch some of his shows on his own, other times he wants me to watch with him.

Yesterday he wanted to watch on his own, so I came in here to do some blogging. In the background I hear Jimmy Neutron on the TV. Okay, this is a fairly decent cartoon for kids, not as good as the stuff I had growing up, but better then a lot of the crap they have on TV today. As I was reading away on a blog, part of the episode catches my ear. Apparently Jimmy has invented some kind of candy that everyone loves and is instantly addicted to. Jimmy made crack candy, people.

Then I hear Jimmy say something along the lines of, “With their over whelming desire for my candy, I can bend peoples wills to fulfill my every need.” People, Jimmy Neutron, boy genius, is a crack dealer! Well, maybe crystal meth, but still he’s a drug-dealing bastard! They showed kids, and some adults, doing his every command so they could get a fix. Instantly, I had a lot of respect for Jimmy. The kid really is a boy genius! He created a candy that is addictive and only side effect is that it tastes good, thus it’s not truly a drug. Then Jimmy, boy dumb arse, grows a conscience and decides to not may anymore because people were getting out of control. If Jimmy truly were a genius he would have started charging money for the crackandy and hired bodyguards to protect him.

Then this morning I made a startling observation. Now, I don’t watch a lot of cartoons, I pretty much hate the damn things. Clone loves them, so they are on all the time. In fact right now he is watching Dora, international drug smuggler. Hey, maybe she works for Jimmy? His favorite cartoon is Spongebob Squarepants. This has to be one of the most idiotic cartoons I’ve seen. Ever since he first started watching Spongebob, one of the voices always sounded familiar and struck a cord of fear in me.

Now everybody and their mother knows that Patrick is voiced by Dauber from Coach. The voice I’m talking about is for Mr. Krabs. This morning, I’m sitting here typing up my eye post when I hear Mr. Krabs speak. Like a thousand bolts of lightening striking me at the same time, I instantly recognized the voice. Krabs says, “There’s only one.” The phrase was close enough, because what I heard was the Kurgan from Highlander say, “There can be only one!” Some of you may know the Kurgan better as Drill Sgt. Zim. Either way, this is the guy we have talking to our kids daily. Suddenly I have more respect for Spongebob Squarepants. I wouldn't want to work for Drill Sgt. Kurgan.

Mr. Krabs is the Kurgan! Great, we have an immortal crab running around selling crabby patties on the bottom of the ocean to all the animals down there. Hey, wait. All the sea creatures love crabby patties, they have to have them and plankton is trying to steal the formula… Mr. Kurgan is a drug dealer like Jimmy!