Miasmatic Review

Stupid forced love.

About now all of my loyal contaminants, and some of you passer bys are probably thinking, “Where the hell is Contagion’s Valentines day post?” Well you know what, just like Birthdays, father’s day and sweetest day; I don’t celebrate Valentine's Day. It’s a manufactured BS holiday that is designed to make card companies, jewelers, florists and candy makers rich.

To be honest, I find this holiday pretty damn insulting. I don’t need some St. of frou-frou love telling me that I have to do something special for my wife. Isn’t that something I should do on my own and on a regular basis, not just once a year? Sure, some of you are going to smart off, well you do it on a regular basis AND on Valentines Day. Well Bullocks on you! If I’m forced to shell out money to buy a gift for someone, why the hell should I do it all the other days? You’ve already mugged me for a gift; I hope you enjoy it! If I give them of my own free will, then I’m more likely to do it again of my own free will. And not just when I did something stupid to get myself in trouble.

Plus, if the gift is obligatory, is it really heart felt? Think about it, did you buy your special someone a gift just because you wanted to or because it was Valentines Day. Some of you are probably lying to yourself and saying both. I call BS! Yes, I do! If Valentines Day was next month you wouldn’t have gotten a gift for your loved one this week. You would have waited until next month to do it. Admit it, it’s okay.

Today at work, I’ve been “volunteered” to hand out flowers at work. Yea, that’s right. Mr. Love and cheer here gets flower distribution duty for all the minions. This is part of someone’s plan to “soften” my image with the employees. They even wanted me to dress up as cupid. CUPID PEOPLE! Can you imagine me walking around work in nothing but a giant diaper holding a bow and arrows with heart shaped heads? (You’re welcome for that mental image!) Needless to say, I put my foot down and said, “I’ll wear a red shirt and tie, that’s as far as I’ll go.” True to my word, I’m wearing a red shirt… Blood red.

My ever so cheery smile will be walking up to people, dropping flowers on their desk. I’ve even written a little poem to recite when I deliver the flowers. “On this Valentine’s day, someone bought a flower for you. It’s not from me, because I don’t have a heart like others do.” Then I’m going to smile one of those forced smiles that looks like I’ve gone insane.

Valentines Day, Bahumbug!

Yes, I did get Ktreva a gift, I’m not that stupid.