Miasmatic Review

It tilted my head towards the toilet.

I'm doing my beer review a night early this week because I'm pretty sure tomorrow night I'm not going to be up to drinking a beer. This week's vile swill didn't help my stomach any. After about three sips my stomach flew into an acidy revolution that even the strongest prescription meds couldn't calm. Tonight I tried Tilt by Anheuser-Busch. Let me just say that whom ever decided that the hybrid of beer and energy drinks was a good idea should be forced into slavery cleaning outhouses in third world countries with their tongues. This is the third one I've tried and all of them are so nasty that I want to puke just so the taste of stomach bile would banish the flavor of this unholy concoction from my mouth.

It comes in a sliver can with an orange T on it along with the name of the beer. In a black bar on the bottom it says, "Premium (HA!) malt beverage with caffeine, ginseng, and guarana (Which I'm sure is anglicized for guano) extracts, Natural flavors and certified color." Certified color? What the hell is that? I can certify that it's farking nasty!

First off the beer is orange. Not orange like in color, but actually orange. It's like they mixed orange crush with any light beer. The head is pinkish in color and dissipates rapidly. There is no noticeable head after a couple of minutes.

The aroma is that of oranges and chalk. Yes, I said chalk. It's like sniffing oranges that are sitting on the railing of an old school chalkboard. The flavor reminds me of baby aspirin. Again that orange and chalk combination. There is a slight bitterness on the tongue that fades into an aftertaste that is almost medicinal. I'm not sure if it was the flavor or other health problems I'm having but it sparked off my gag reflex.

Drinking this beer was just like drinking an energy drink, except it was 6.6% alcohol by volume. (Excuse me, I burped and I thought I was going to evacuate all that I'd eaten in the last week. It made my nose burn.) Oh for the love of all that is good and right in the world don't drink this. Seriously, this stuff is a practical joke waiting to happen.

I'm going to give this "beer" a 1.5 out of ten. Now excuse me while I go gargle with some sterno to get this taste out of my mouth.

Yes, I drank the whole pint.