November 08, 2006

leaky willy

For two weeks now Iíve had an issue at work. There is one bathroom there that use when I need to empty my bowels. Itís the largest bathroom in the building, and the least used. It has four stalls and three urinals. For five years Iíve been using the same bathroom and the same stall with out a problem. That is until two weeks ago.

I walked into the bathroom getting ready for my mid-morning constitutional. Heading into my stall to do my deed I stop dead in my tracks. All over the floor, the toilet and the seat is urine. GAH! Okay, I go to the next stall and itís fine. For one day I can use a different stall. The next day I return. Again someone has pissed all over the toilet and the seat. When I say pissed all over, it doesnít look like they intended to give the exterior of the toilet a golden shower. It looked like they had no control over the beginning and end of the stream. I head into the next stall and again it is covered in urine.

This has been going on for two weeks. What the hell?!?!?! First I want to know what guy would use a stall when there are perfectly good urinals available? I donít want to hear about two guys shouldnít pee in urinals next to each other. Bullshit, thatís what they are for, there are separators and at many places Iíve seen guys lined up waiting to find any open urinal, mainly at football games. Now that isnít the case here. There is never enough traffic in this bathroom for all three urinals to be taken. There are not a lot of guys in the entire office, let alone in that part of the building. Whoever is doing this has some kind of issue with using a urinal.

Secondly I understand guys miss and at times there are drops on the floor. It happens, peeing standing up has its drawbacks. Itís either the floor or our pants. This was no one or two drops on the floor or the occasional post sex miss-spray. This guy has serious control issues. He gets it everywhere. Itís almost like heís afraid to touch his own unit in order to aim the damn thing. You can get away with that at a urinal, but when aiming for a toilet bowl you need to use some control. They donít aim themselves.

Thirdly, and most importantlyÖ WHY THE HELL IS HE NOT CLEANING UP AFTER HIMSELF?!?!?! For the love of all that is good and holy if your going to piss on the seat and the toilet, take some farking toilet paper and wipe it up. If youíre not going to do that, at least use the same toilet so that those of us that have to shite can use the other stalls. One day all four stalls were covered in urine drops! The cleaning crew only hits the bathrooms twice a day. Once around noon and again at night after everyone has left. Personally, I donít want to walk around with turd fighting against my sphincter for 2-3 hours until the cleaning crew comes in and makes the toilets useable again. I also shouldnít have to walk across the building looking at the busier bathrooms for an open stall.

The perpetrator is an evil vile person. They have to be doing this intentionally with malice in their heart. I think they are trying to mark the bathroom as their territory and discourage others from using it. I donít know why, but they must be trying to keep people from laying the big stinky while at work. Let me just say that nothing, NOTHING is going to stop the shite spewing forth from me!

Posted by Contagion in Tales from the Work Place at November 8, 2006 06:23 PM | TrackBack

I think you should hide and find out who it is. Check the seat after each visitor and after you find the perp, run after him, drag him back by his ear, and make him clean up his mess.

Posted by: Sissy at November 8, 2006 08:26 PM

saran the toilets, so he gets pee all over himself.


and now you know how I feel peeing after 2 toddlers.

I clean my bathroom 16 times a day

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at November 8, 2006 10:52 PM

I'm sorry.

I never thought of aiming while peeing in the toilet. Hey, at least I left the seat down so less would get on the floor!

Posted by: Ogre at November 9, 2006 07:00 AM

Oh god, I saw the title and thought for sure you were going to tell us about a problem with your weenie now.

I almost did read the post.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at November 9, 2006 01:04 PM

Sometimes it is sooooo nice being a girl. This is one of those times...

Posted by: Richmond at November 9, 2006 01:43 PM

It sounds like someone is doing it on purpose because they know your habits. Someone must really be "pissed" at you.

Posted by: Sticks at November 9, 2006 07:06 PM

You could really give them some of their own medicine -- you could poop in the urinal...

Posted by: Ogre at November 10, 2006 06:58 AM

Obviously the perp is a woman practicing her "pee standing up" technique:

Posted by: Harvey at November 13, 2006 01:51 PM