Miasmatic Review

At least I won't have Malaria

November, 2005 I came clean about an addiction I had. It’s been over a year and I’m still hooked, just not as bad. I’ve gone a whole day with out a Listerine Breath Strip. But there was another unhealthy obsession that I should have come clean with you all about years ago.

Folks, I have an obsession with energy drinks. For about two years now when ever I find an energy drink that I’ve never had before, I can’t help but to buy one to try. Of course I only get the sugar free ones… I don’t want to get too hyper on the sugar. Hey, don’t look at me like that. It makes sense in my world.

Anyway I was at the gas station yesterday. I refuse to pay at the pump, that way I can go inside and see if they have any energy drinks I’ve never had. There in a display was an energy drink I had never seen before, Howling Monkey Energizing Elixir. I quickly bought a can and went to work. As I sat at my desk I read the label a little more carefully. Below the name it said “Multi-vitamins, pure caffeine and Quinine”.

As I sat at my desk I started thinking, “Quinine, that is awfully familiar. How do I know Quinine. Why is there something about it that is sending off little warnings in my head.” Then I opened the can and took a drink of one of the most vile concoctions on the face of the earth. This elixir wasn’t fit for, well monkeys. In fact I now know why they where howling. If I had to drink enough of this, I’d howl too.

As I was choking down swallowing the first swig of this swill it struck me; Quinine was used to treat Malaria and muscle cramps. It’s also very, very bitter. Which, helps explain the god awful taste. I spent most of the morning pondering why in the hell anyone would add Quinine to an energy drink. I mean, Malaria isn’t really a problem in the US anymore… then again I don’t think that drinking it in an energy drink would cure me if I did have it. Next, the muscle cramps… There are many better things one can get for muscle cramps. Trust me on this one folks. And the stuff is so bitter I can’t imagine anyone using it in a drink for the sole purpose of flavoring.

The can doesn’t say how much Quinine is in this drink, but I’m assuming it’s a safe level. I don’t think they would risk a bunch of people overdosing on their energy drinks. I will say though that I did have some interesting side effects yesterday.

Do you think I have anything to worry about if I try their cola version?