Miasmatic Review

It's The Thing all over again.

I was minding my own business when I saw this headline: “Scientist Study Earth’s Missing Crust”. Uh, missing crust? What, did someone misplace it? Is it with all of my socks and the set of keys I lost 4 years ago? How does crust go missing?

”It is part of a globe-spanning ridge of undersea volcanos, the kind of structure that forms when Atlantic tectonic plates separate and lava surges upward to fill the gap in the Earth's crust. But that apparently did not happen this time. Where there should be a four-mile-thick layer of crust, there is instead that much mantle — the very dense, dark green rock that makes up the deep inner layer of the Earth.”

Oh, okay so something went wrong in the geodynamics of the planet and instead of getting a lava scab it got a puss scab. I got it. (Well if you think about it, the analogy kind of works, gross, but works) Hmm, I wonder if they will blame this on global warming? Wait, wrong post. Anyway this doesn’t bother me. I mean c’mon we barely understand how the earth works and the fact that the site is three miles below the surface of the ocean doesn’t mean anything. This could be a common occurrence for years, but we are just now discovering it because of our technological advances. This is what bothers me:

”The 12-member expedition to take an unprecedented peek at Earth's mantle left the Canary Islands on Monday with a new high-tech vessel and a robotic device named Toby that will dig up rock samples at the site and film what it sees…

…The robotic device will land on the exposed mantle, deploy a drill, and dig into the rock to bring back samples.”

WHAT?!?!?!?! If movies and Science Fiction has taught me anything it’s that you do not bring back funky samples from strange anomalies for study. If you do, some strange kind of microbial creature will start to take over humans, you will release a funky disease, there will be some kind of radiation that destroys humans or even worse turns them into zombies. (God, if we were only that lucky) This may even be a gateway to an extra dimension or hell. Their drilling into it could open it up!

These scientists are being reckless in their endangerment of life on this planet. What secrets have been locked away in that undersea prison for millennia that they are going to set free? Heed my warning people; this could bring about the end of the world, as we know it.