Miasmatic Review

Eggs

For Easter most parents that observe the holiday, and even some that don’t, abort chicken embryos by boiling them in water hard boil eggs. Then they dip the hardened remains into cups of dye. If you have a four year-old you also get to wipe spilled dye up off the floor and table a couple of times. When you are done you have a carton or twelve of multi-colored hard-boiled eggs. Now this is where parents differ.

Some hide the eggs while the kids are sleeping so they can find them on Easter. After the lost egg incident of 2000, I don’t do that anymore. Sure we, and I mean me, hid the egg in an easy to find spot. It was so easy to find that when Boopie was done looking for the eggs, I counted one short. We searched and searched and were not able to find it. Finally I figured that I had miscounted how many eggs I had hid. Since I didn’t hide all the eggs, and one or two were eaten already, I figured that I just counted wrong. The egg finally showed up some months later… in August. There was a vile stench in the house and I couldn’t quite place it. I searched and I searched and I searched. Finally after looking long and hard enough I found it.

It was in plain sight under the air hockey table… but some moron put a dark blue egg up against a dark blue background, and after months of cooking in a house without AC, the egg wanted out and let off a stench so that everyone could find it. I no longer hide Easter eggs.

This year I made the largest batch of Egg Salad that I ever made. We’ve been eating on it for two days for lunch and dinner. Hell I even had some for breakfast this morning. There’s probably still more then half left. Already I do not like the gaseous emanations that are wafting off of me. Yet, I just can’t throw it out.

Maybe if I us beer to wash it down it won’t stink so badly when I blow arse.