Miasmatic Review

How to embarass your child

It’s very easy, but it takes some time. First you need to give them a nickname. Something that is cute when they are young, but as they get older would be very embarrassing, such as Boopie. I gave Boopie his nickname when he was about 4 years old. There was a milk commercial that came out where a father walked into the kitchen and a baby was drinking milk from a bottle, the father said, “Hey there Boopie!” Ten years later I still call him Boopie.

Second, keep the nickname in the family. You don’t want all of his friends to be calling him that from the start. It’s best that only you, your families, and your friends refer to them by their nickname. If everyone does, it loses its effect.

Third, make sure your timing is right. You have to make sure that the child really hates the nickname and that they are worried about being “cool”. IE, they need to be a teenager. This is critical, you can have all the proper set up, but if you use it too soon, you won’t get the desired effect. Let me explain how:

Boopie is 14, even though I still call him Boopie and some of my friends do, no one else does. He hates, HATES the nickname. He even forbade me to call him that when I would pick him up or drop him off at school. I respected his wishes… until tonight. He had invited some friends over to shoot his Air Soft guns. They were all out in the back yard having fun when I walk out side wearing sandals, black socks, shorts and a button up plaid shirt. Just as he notices me, I say, “Hey Boopie, be careful I don’t want any of you to shoot an eye out. Oh and Boopie, don’t forget to take your bath tonight, I got you the bubbles that you like.” Then I turn around and go back inside. I heard chants of “Boopie?” followed by laughter coming from the back yard inside the house.

Yea, I know. But hell, I figure if I’m going to pay for the counseling anyways, I might as well have some fun with it.