July 26, 2007

Contagion. Now with more sensitivity.

I have returned from Sensitivity Class. It was a refreshing break from weekly grind in that a couple of things that have never happened before to me happened over the last couple of days.

Lets start off with the most insensitive thing that has happened. Tuesday night after dinner I returned to the Hotel Room. By nine oíclock I was bored off my arse and wanted a snack so I ran to a little convenience store next to the hotel, sure it was a longer walk, but it cost a third as much to get what I wanted. When I returned to the hotel room there was still nothing on TV. Being the curious individual I am, and in a new place I started searching the room for anythingÖ and found nothing. So I went to look out the window. I peaked through the curtain and saw I had the wonderful view of another hotel. YAY! Just as I was about to shut the curtains something caught my attention, boobs. There was a couple having sex across the way from me and one floor down.

I did what any red blooded American male would do. I turned out the lights, repositioned the recliner in front of the window, got myself a drink and ate Cheesy Chex Mix while watching this couple go at it for 15 minutes. Hey, I was bored. They werenít the best looking, but it was the best thing to watch. Sure itís a little creepy to be sitting in the dark watching some strangers have sex across the way, but hey they obviously wanted to be watched and I was willing to oblige. I was just wishing I had brought with those binoculars that work gave us last year for something. It would have made the show more interesting. And before you ask, no Mr. Happy did not get covered in orange powder. Unfortunately there wasnít a repeat show Wednesday night.

This class was a little different then the other ones. Most of the people in this class were new management that hadnít done anything; they just needed to go through it. Technically, I think I was the only one sent for punitive corrective reasons. Of course they all seemed to be the uber liberal types. I was involved in more debates over Obama VS Hillary for president. I just smiled and nodded, until someone said something about outlawing guns. Then I very politely excused myself from the table, went outside and screamed at the tops of my lungs. Did you know homeless people donít like it when you do that?

Now here is where the twilight zone comes into play. Guess who the star pupil was? If youíre gasping in disbelief and saying, ďno way, it couldnít have been youĒ than youíre right. I decided this time I was just going to toe the line and not cause any trouble. I turned out to be the star pupil. I guess something from those other four times sunk in. But I wasnít just the star pupil; I was leaps and bounds over the rest of the class. The instructor and the observers were all impressed with my feedback techniques and people skills. Stop laughing, I have them, I just never use them.

Now here is where it gets really weird. Today one of the observers wasnít able to come due to some family emergency or something. So the instructor had to fill the roll as the observer for a Roll Playing session. Since she was doing that, she needed someone to lead the class. Yep, she looked at me and said, ďContagion, youíve been most impressive in your knowledge of the material and interactions. Do you think you could lead the discussion on this chapter while I do the observations? Iím sure you already have a firm grasp on the material, all you have to do is go over the material in the instructors book and make sure you hit the key points Iíve highlighted.Ē

What was I going to say? Well, let me rephrase that I told her I would. So for 45 minutes today I instructed the class on Mutual Respect. No joking, I was the instructor. I had a class full of students listening to me instruct them on the fine art of Mutual Respect and being sensitive to otherís feelings.

So now, for all of you that have been saying Iíve been sent so many times I could instruct the classÖ I guess youíre correct. Either that or your psychic.

But to make you feel better, I did get a talking to once while there. During Arts and Crafts time (Donít ask) I was singing All For Me Grog under my breath again. And as usual it was the bawdy version. I donít know why a house of ill repute isnít being sensitive, but hey I learned my lesson.

Posted by Contagion in Tales from the Work Place at July 26, 2007 06:39 PM | TrackBack

So do we call you Mr. Sensitive now? I figure with all that training you have to be the very most sensitive guy in the blogosphere. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at July 26, 2007 07:15 PM

1,000,000 things I want to say. They are all slamming together in my brain at one time. I can't sort them out......

You, Sir, are One Of A Kind!!

Posted by: Tammi at July 26, 2007 07:19 PM

eh. A girlfriend of mine calls me the Celtic Witch. Go figure. I want to hear more about these arts and crafts. I hate that roll playing crap. Next time I am forced to take training, I want arts and crafts. Do they supply the popsicle sticks and yarn or do I need to bring my own?

Posted by: Bou at July 26, 2007 08:30 PM

Theresa, I find your comments hurtful and disrespectful of my current situation.

Tammie: What can I do to help you be able to pull your thoughts together?

Bou: You're friend is not showing you the proper respect you deserve. What do you think we could do to correct that situation.

Posted by: Contagion at July 26, 2007 08:39 PM

Just shaking my head

Posted by: Bruce at July 26, 2007 09:24 PM

Wow! dinner & an x-rated movie and you didn't have to pay for it. Did you clap afterwards or hold up a scorecard for them? Good job on the sensitivity class & being the teachers pet :)

Posted by: Red at July 26, 2007 09:35 PM

I must be dreaming. Contagion teaching Sensitivity? The gun carrying, zombie killing, blogger? I'm going back to bed and back to sleep.

Posted by: vw bug at July 27, 2007 04:43 AM

Trainers know the best way to reinforce the material imparted is by teaching. Contagion...they've got your number :-)

Posted by: h~ at July 27, 2007 02:01 PM

H~, now that's just not very nice.

Posted by: Contagion at July 27, 2007 04:12 PM

"I donít know why a house of ill repute isnít being sensitive..."

Ya gotta watch that dude... Whores have feelings too.... I suppose...

Posted by: Wes at July 30, 2007 11:05 PM

Someone has hacked Contagion's blog! Quickly, someone nearby go to his house and see if you can locate him! The REAL Contagion would never lead a class like this (or if he did, he'd intentionally screw it up).

The only other possible explaination is that during these classes, the students were heavily drugged and/or hypnotized.

Posted by: Ogre at August 1, 2007 09:42 AM