August 27, 2007

He's not gay!

Upon returning home from work today I found the house still standing, Boopie did not blow it up, burn it down, or break anything that Iím aware of yet. However, I did learn two pieces of information about my eldest.

First is that he is much like my sister in his inability to do something mischievously with out giving out tell tale signals. You know like getting into something he shouldnít have or playing with something that heís been told he shouldnít. Now, to be fair I did spend years learning how to investigate crimes. Iím not saying Iím an expert crime scene investigator like Gill Grissom, detective like Adrian Monk or even some actual investigative person, but I know what to look for and a lot of tricks of the trade. Unfortunately Boopie barely tries to cover his tracks.

Secondly I learned that my son is not gay. There was some speculation a couple of years ago, but after today Iím pretty sure we can say he likes the girls.

How do I know this? During some thorough house cleaning I decided to throw out all of my old Playboy magazines that Iíve kept hidden for years. I used to have a subscription, and wouldnít throw them away. Before anyone says anything, yes I looked at the pictures. Yet I also read the articles. They really did have some good writers. I let my subscription lapse 7 years ago and havenít read one since, so I canít say what they are like today.

I placed about 6 years worth of magazines into trash bags, and set them to be tossed with the trash on Wednesday. When I got home today one of the bags was untied and the nicely arranged magazines were no longer nicely arranged. They were in the house, so it had to be him. Sure he tried to put the bag back into the same position I left it in, but he wasnít remotely successful.

Now I thought about calling him out on this, but then I decided not to. Hell, by the time I was his age I had a nice collection of nudie mags my friendís would steal from their fatherís collection. Seriously, whatís the worst thatís going to happen?

Posted by Contagion in Family Life at August 27, 2007 05:37 PM | TrackBack

Oy, how torn you must be. As a parent the fact that he doesn't cover his tracks worth a crap is probably a good thing. However, it doesn't speak much for the boy's wisdom. Putting stuff back the way you found it after being nosy is pretty basic.
I agree at his age I wouldn't be too upset over the subject matter - if I remember right around that age my dad had a stash that he did a pretty poor job of hiding that I'd flip through once in a while as well. Heck, for that matter I wouldn't be too surprised if there were a couple of issues missing from the bag.

Posted by: Shadoglare at August 27, 2007 06:45 PM

Yea, there probably are, which means they'll be found w/in the next two months the way he hides things.

Posted by: Contagion at August 27, 2007 07:33 PM


I'm sure you'll find a creative way to let him know that you know.

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 27, 2007 08:09 PM

Yeah, I'd not call my son on it. I'm sure he'd somehow find out I know... but I think I'd not call him on it. He'll look back on this and say when he has kids, "I remember when I took my old man's playboys..." Heh! Creating memories!

Posted by: Bou at August 27, 2007 08:47 PM

Look at it this way: Every moment he spends spankin' it is one he's NOT fucking something in the house up.

Posted by: Graumagus at August 28, 2007 03:08 AM

Ha! I was going to say what Grau said...well, not quite in those terms, but the general idea. In fact, I have to admit that never in my lifetime have I used the phrase "spanking it"....

But yeah, if he's gotta be messin' with somethin', that's better than a lot of things I can think of.

So, do I say "congratulations"? ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at August 28, 2007 04:45 AM