Miasmatic Review

Please let it be mud.

You’ve been driving for hours. Your bladder is stretched to its limits and you really regret drinking that last 4 ounces of water even though you are really, really thirsty. With much anxiety your legs are bouncing up and down and wiggling back and forth as you try to hold back the flood. Finally after hours of travel you find a place that has a public restroom. Just the site of it makes you smile and laugh with glee. Quickly you park the vehicle, jump out and run inside. You’re barely able to keep the contents inside and know that if you go any further you’d lose control. As you walked into a public bathroom, you find it to be really disgusting. I mean horribly and massively disgusting.

Have you ever had anything like this happen to you? It doesn’t matter if you were at a gas station, a rest stop, the mall or a restaurant, anywhere you’ve been have you found it so dirty and unclean that it’s technically unusable? Now due to the circumstances such as the ones listed above, have you gone ahead and used it anyway?

I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone else. A couple of weeks ago I stopped in a gas station just because I had to go so bad it hurt. As I walked into the bathroom it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. There was mud (In my head it was mud, and yes I had to convince myself of that) all over the floor and sink. The entire room stank of stale urine and feces. The toilet was clogged with toilet paper, feces and urine.

But I had to go really bad…

…so I did. The next bathroom was at least 30 minutes away and I wasn’t going to make it and the thought of pissing on the side of the building did come to mind, but so did the arrest that goes with it. The whole time I’m trying to convince myself that I’m standing on dried mud, yet that didn’t work when I was finished and went to wash my hands. I couldn’t bring myself to touch the sink. Folks, I don’t have a problem being dirty, but I do have a problem handling what could possibly be another persons arse droppings.

To make matters worse when I told the girl working the counter their bathroom is in dire need of cleaning, she replied, “Yea we know. We’re waiting for the cleaning guy to get here.” They could have at least put an out of order sign on it.