February 06, 2006

All dogs go to heaven?

I wasn’t going to post this, but I figure by now there is not much more psychological damage I could do to my readers. The people that I’ve told this to react in different ways. What story is it? It’s the end result of the dog dilemma.

If you are an animal lover, especially dogs, you may not want to read any further. In fact, just skip this post and never, ever, ever click on a link to it. If you want to see how badly something simple can go wrong, the post is in the extended entry

Over the weekend, I went to my Minion’s house to do the deed. I decided that I was going to use the .357, as I know how it shoots, and I haven’t had a chance to fire the .30-30 yet. People suggested many different techniques, including the use of a hammer. I didn’t know if I had it in me to beat the dog to death with a hammer, so I opted for the handgun. Plus I really didn’t want to get that close it.

Just to remind all of you, this was a full sized Bull Mastiff. Not as big as the English Mastiff, but this was one large dog. I really didn’t want to get up close and personal with it.

I arrive at the house and they led out back to the kennel area. Most of the kennels are empty; apparently, they are failing at their business. They take me to Rocky’s cage. At first, I thought it was empty; nope he’s lying in the far corner. My minion tells me that he’s barely moved for the last couple of weekends. She tried calling him, but he wouldn’t come over. He’d look at her and then lay back down.

Looking at the lay out of this kennel, the only way for me to get to the dog was to walk into the cage. Now this is a huge kennel, it’s an indoor/outdoor kennel and Rocky’s cage is in the corner of two buildings. The outside area is about 60 ft wide and 80 ft long.

My minion says she can’t watch and is already in tears. She and her husband go in the house leaving me outside with Rocky and four other dogs. Taking a deep breath, I load my revolver. As I’m loading, I’m noticing that I grabbed the hollow point rounds. Steadying myself I walk into the cage and start heading towards Rocky. Then all hell broke loose!

I’m about ten feet across the cage when Rocky jumps up and starts running toward me barking. All I see is the snarling mouth of beast that was more dog then man…. Well because it’s a dog, I guess there was no man to it… Did I mention he was one huge dog? Well this mouth looks like it could take my head off with I kid you not two inch long teeth is charging at me.

Now, I could lie and say that I remained calm and collected. No, that was not me. My fight or flight response kicked in and with a scream, yes I screamed (You would too with a lion dog charging you!), I bring the revolver up and I start firing. That’s right firing, as in multiple shots. This giant elephant/dog was easy enough to hit at the distance I was shooting. And I’ll be honest, the first shot probably would have killed him, by the third shot, I’m pretty sure there was no chance he was going to live, but I used all seven. That’s right, I admit it I emptied all seven chambers into the thing.

The whole thing rather reminded me of a scene in Dances with Wolves. In the scene I’m referring to a buffalo is charging down on an Indian boy. Lt. Dunbar (Kevin Costner) shoots the buffalo and the body crashes to the ground sliding to a stop just in front of the boy. Well my last shot went into Rocky about two feet in front of me. Yea, that’s right the Tyrannosaurus dog was still in forward motion for the first six shots.

There was supposed to be only one shot. After hearing seven rapid shots, my minion and her husband come running out of the house. As soon as my minion sees the pile of ground Rocky lying in the cage, she breaks out into tears. Her husband asks me what happened. I tell him that their “sick and barely moving dog” attacked me. The husband then tells me that Rocky has had a dislike of strangers. THANKS FOR TELLING ME NOW! He explained he thought Rocky was too sick to do anything that’s why he didn’t say anything. Well guess who was wrong?

The husband goes to calm my minion down and I head back into the cage. I hit 5 out of 7 times, Rocky’s head looked like, well it looked like someone shot it at point blank with a .357 magnum. I helped bury the carcass. Part of me wanted to ask if I could keep the skin to make a hat out of for re-enacting, but I thought better of it. Too many holes, I never would have been able to repair them.

Afterwards I left and went about my day. The only thing I can say about this incident is, “That’s what I get for trying to do something nice, and help someone out.”

Oh, and to those of you that warned me, “Don’t look it in the eye it’ll make it worse.” Well, I looked ol’ Rocky in the eye as came charging down upon me. I still had no qualms about introducing Rocky to god.

Now in two weeks I'm going to the Wolf Park. If Carson Daily and Earl are correct, I'm in for one hell of a Karmic beyotch slap.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at February 6, 2006 06:18 PM | TrackBack

Bet you wish you had that 30/30 zeroed now. You could have shot dogzilla from their house.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at February 6, 2006 02:54 PM

While I'm laughing, it ain't really that funny. It's their dog, they should have been out there, calming him, and making everything go smoothly. Kinda irresponsible, if you ask me.

But I'da paid money to hear that scream...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at February 6, 2006 03:17 PM

I ditto "That 1 Guy". I couln't have put it better. lmao

Posted by: Tige at February 6, 2006 05:19 PM

::peeking through fingers::

Oh jeez, is it over yet? I thought I could click the extended entry, but I just can't. Everything has to be fine, just fine. And the Doggie went to heaven with no problems... No problems at all.

I'll be in the "cave of denial" if you need me....

Posted by: Richmond at February 6, 2006 05:42 PM

Next time just stay in the truck and shoot it from the street. Sure will get the neighbors wondering.

Posted by: Ogre at February 7, 2006 08:59 AM

I told you, should have used the mortar...

Set some meat on the muzzle with a 50 cord connected to a friction primer... a cement filled pop can would do the job just fine...

Posted by: Graumagus at February 7, 2006 01:51 PM

That was supposed to be 50 foot cord..

Posted by: Graumagus at February 7, 2006 01:51 PM

Don't look the wolves in the eyes. Just lay on the ground, show your belly, and protect your throat :-)

Posted by: Harvey at February 7, 2006 07:12 PM