February 23, 2006

At least it wasn't blue.

The other day on my way home from work I saw the largest hair I’ve seen in a long time. This lady had permed platinum blonde hair that was fitted to her head like a helmet. The sides extended at least an inch past the Front of her head! From the side you couldn’t even see the tip of her nose!

To make matters worse, this lady was wearing a fluffy pink coat. Along the wrists it was fur lined, and the fur matched the color of her head. At first I thought maybe I was looking at some kind of strange poodle. After assuring myself that dogs have not taught themselves how to drive, I then thought maybe it was a Sasquatch. A really effeminate, short, albino Sasquatch that’s into the rave scene, but I don’t think they would come that close to downtown. Thus it had to be a woman.

I know what your thinking, no it was not a hat. It was either real hair or a good (as in realistic, not good looking) wig. I couldn’t get close enough to touch it, she was in the vehicle next to me. Trust me, if we had been standing in a line together, my hand would have floated out to touch her hair. There was no tell-tale sign of it being a hat. This lady went out of her way to make her hair look like a big fuzzy helmet.

The saddest part is that she thinks she looks good! She paid someone to make her look like that and is proud of it. I’m guessing that she was in her 40’s, but she may have been as young as 35. Due to the size and shape of her helmet hair, I was never able to get a good look at her face. But I could tell that it was wrinkled and overly tanned. Maybe she’s trying to hold onto her youth, I don’t know. What I do know is that her hair was distracting.

While I couldn’t help but to stare at it, I missed that the speed limit had changed. This caused me to almost get a speeding ticket. Fortunately she did notice and when she slowed down, so did I. But only because I was staring at her hair.

Posted by Contagion in Things that make me go, "GUH?!?!" at February 23, 2006 01:00 PM | TrackBack

I wonder if Bloodspite can find a picture of her to photoshop your face onto! *runs away*

Posted by: oddybobo at February 23, 2006 01:59 PM

I have a cousin like that. She's in her 50's and has seen so much of her OWN tanning bed that her skin looks like the inside of a cheap leather belt a 400 lb trucker has been wearing for the last six years. And the hair- oh, sweet mother of god, the hair. Look, I'm an ugly fucker. Have been all my life. At some point, just give the hell up, huh?

Posted by: og at February 23, 2006 02:04 PM

Are you sure it wasn't a super, super, fat cat sitting in her head, with two fluffy kittens crawling out of her sleeves?

You may have just seen a cat lady.

Posted by: Sarah at February 23, 2006 02:36 PM

Good thing you didn't touch it. It would have been embarrasing if it grabbed you and didn't let go.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at February 23, 2006 04:28 PM

I see women like that make me stop,but never one like that. And I have to say I LOL'd when reading Dr. Phat's comment.

Posted by: vw bug at February 23, 2006 04:43 PM

Sounds like a cross between Dame Edna and Mrs. Slocombe.

Did she have a small yappy dog, too?

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 23, 2006 06:53 PM

Are you sure it wasn't a drag queen?

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at February 24, 2006 10:50 AM

Ooooo, do I have an issue with you!! Being someone that is so 40's as to be almost 50, how did you associate wrinkly with 35-40 yr. old women??

Posted by: Raging Mom at February 24, 2006 11:21 AM

Maybe it's a parasitic sentient hair creature like the Curly-Permed Frosted Purple Punk Mullet of DOOM?

Holy shit, maybe there's a whole colony of those damn things in the area. The horror.....

There goes the four hours of sleep I was getting a night....

Posted by: Graumagus at February 24, 2006 02:31 PM