Miasmatic Review

At least it wasn't blue.

The other day on my way home from work I saw the largest hair I’ve seen in a long time. This lady had permed platinum blonde hair that was fitted to her head like a helmet. The sides extended at least an inch past the Front of her head! From the side you couldn’t even see the tip of her nose!

To make matters worse, this lady was wearing a fluffy pink coat. Along the wrists it was fur lined, and the fur matched the color of her head. At first I thought maybe I was looking at some kind of strange poodle. After assuring myself that dogs have not taught themselves how to drive, I then thought maybe it was a Sasquatch. A really effeminate, short, albino Sasquatch that’s into the rave scene, but I don’t think they would come that close to downtown. Thus it had to be a woman.

I know what your thinking, no it was not a hat. It was either real hair or a good (as in realistic, not good looking) wig. I couldn’t get close enough to touch it, she was in the vehicle next to me. Trust me, if we had been standing in a line together, my hand would have floated out to touch her hair. There was no tell-tale sign of it being a hat. This lady went out of her way to make her hair look like a big fuzzy helmet.

The saddest part is that she thinks she looks good! She paid someone to make her look like that and is proud of it. I’m guessing that she was in her 40’s, but she may have been as young as 35. Due to the size and shape of her helmet hair, I was never able to get a good look at her face. But I could tell that it was wrinkled and overly tanned. Maybe she’s trying to hold onto her youth, I don’t know. What I do know is that her hair was distracting.

While I couldn’t help but to stare at it, I missed that the speed limit had changed. This caused me to almost get a speeding ticket. Fortunately she did notice and when she slowed down, so did I. But only because I was staring at her hair.