April 01, 2006

And they say cops don't have a sense of humor

The following was sent to me in an e-mail. I guess because I worked in law enforcement for years I found this really amusing. That's also why I can see this being true. After working with many of the cops I have, I can think of at least one seperate cop to say each of the fifteen.

So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.*"

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and, ah yes, the best one (although, I really like #8)...

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't...Sign here."

*NCIC: National Crime Information Center. For those of you that don't know this is the national data base that is used to check if someone has a criminal history, is wanted or just a all around douche bag. A lot of states also have their own seperate database that they use in conjunction with this.

Posted by Contagion in Humor at April 1, 2006 07:48 AM | TrackBack

Re: #1

Ouch! :-)

Posted by: Harvey at April 4, 2006 01:53 PM