February 06, 2007

Getting older

Ktreva has been telling me for years I need to start watching what I eat. Not because Iím a fat bastard, but because of various health reasonsÖ including my still undiagnosed medical condition. (Yea, Iím loving doctors). Iíve heard her say on occasion, ďYou canít eat the crap you did when you were younger anymore.Ē Sheís worried Iíll have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or some funky self-digesting disease. Er, um, scratch that last one.

Anyway Iím starting to think she may be right. When I was younger I could spend a weekend eating chips and salsa, drinking beer, and hitting some fast food joint for a middle of the night feast. Iíd wake up the next morning and be just fine. This weekend I think she has her empirical evidence that she was right, unlike those Global Warming scientists. (Bastiches! Itís Ė15 when I left for work with a Ė30 windchill!).

It all started Friday night. I had Pizza and Beer for dinner, which was followed on Saturday with more pizza, pizza rolls, chips, beer and Scotch. On Sunday I had Beer, pickled herring, lilísmokies in hot n spicy Bar-b-que sauce, deviled eggs, boneless hot wings, chips, and some pumpkin dipÖ oh and beer. Monday I headed back over to help finish off the keg and the leftovers from the Super Bowl. That night on the way home I stopped and got me a baby head sized burrito.

Today I the most foul human on the face of the earth, it feels like my colon is trying to squirt all of my insides out. Fortunately, itís all the consistency of applesauce so it doesnít hurt too badly. Iíve had to use the restroom at work no less then four times. Each time there was at least one other man in there. Each time I heard a statement of exclamation over the horrid scent.

I would have enjoyed it more if it werenít for the fact that my arse was on fire.

Posted by Contagion in Family Life at February 6, 2007 06:12 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Thanks for the warning. Be sure to light the candle when you use the facilities at home so the smell doesn't whaft down the stairs like LAST time.

Posted by: ktreva at February 6, 2007 06:49 PM

TMI... really it is. But I'm very glad you're pointing out the evil Global Warming scientists. *grin*

BTW - even when I was young and foolish, that much food would have killed me before it ever made its way through my system... I'm just sayin'

Posted by: Teresa at February 6, 2007 10:34 PM

Welcome to my world, buddy :)

Posted by: Graumagus at February 7, 2007 12:47 AM

It doesn't count if you don't make someone cry in the bathroom.

Posted by: Raging Mom at February 8, 2007 02:16 PM