Miasmatic Review

Getting older

Ktreva has been telling me for years I need to start watching what I eat. Not because I’m a fat bastard, but because of various health reasons… including my still undiagnosed medical condition. (Yea, I’m loving doctors). I’ve heard her say on occasion, “You can’t eat the crap you did when you were younger anymore.” She’s worried I’ll have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or some funky self-digesting disease. Er, um, scratch that last one.

Anyway I’m starting to think she may be right. When I was younger I could spend a weekend eating chips and salsa, drinking beer, and hitting some fast food joint for a middle of the night feast. I’d wake up the next morning and be just fine. This weekend I think she has her empirical evidence that she was right, unlike those Global Warming scientists. (Bastiches! It’s –15 when I left for work with a –30 windchill!).

It all started Friday night. I had Pizza and Beer for dinner, which was followed on Saturday with more pizza, pizza rolls, chips, beer and Scotch. On Sunday I had Beer, pickled herring, lil’smokies in hot n spicy Bar-b-que sauce, deviled eggs, boneless hot wings, chips, and some pumpkin dip… oh and beer. Monday I headed back over to help finish off the keg and the leftovers from the Super Bowl. That night on the way home I stopped and got me a baby head sized burrito.

Today I the most foul human on the face of the earth, it feels like my colon is trying to squirt all of my insides out. Fortunately, it’s all the consistency of applesauce so it doesn’t hurt too badly. I’ve had to use the restroom at work no less then four times. Each time there was at least one other man in there. Each time I heard a statement of exclamation over the horrid scent.

I would have enjoyed it more if it weren’t for the fact that my arse was on fire.