Miasmatic Review

Midget Kickboxing Rocks!

Well the highlight of Friday night was definitely the Midget Kickboxing. Bruce, our friend J-man and I went to the Rockford Rumble Friday night. Normally I don’t go to these types of things, but they were advertising a fight between Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show and Big Poppa the Midwest Midget Kickboxing Champion. Folks I tried for hours to find a link to Big Poppa, but I couldn’t find anything about him on the net.

Now I know these were amateur fighters, but they where pretty awful. They would charge into the ring with their arms wind milling as fast as they could. You’d see these guys get tired after 30 seconds and the force of their blows and the frequency of them started to decrease. I’m not a trained fighter, but these fights looked horrible. Except for a couple of the heavy weights, most of these guys didn’t look that tough. Most of the fights looked like kids fighting with the techniques. In fact at one point I swear that one of the fights was doing that girl paw fighting style. It was pretty lame.

The ring girls they had came from a local gentlemen’s club. There were five of them. 2 were pretty damn good, but the other three were kind of scary. One of the girls looked like an anorexic Paris Hilton. Yea, she was that skinny. She looked like a walking skeleton with no curves at all. But she thought she looked good. To be honest she made crack whores look meaty. At one point in the night as she walked by where we were sitting, she made eye contact with me. She smiled and gave me a wink. At that point I about threw up. My gag reflex kicked in. Not even with Bruce’s dick and J-man pushing would I jump into that cesspool of disease.

The only real highlight of the night was the Midget Kickboxing. It was the only fight that actually looked good. They landed hard punches, there was blocking and dodging. Folks, this was just the coolest thing. I had heard of it before, but never seen it. If you ever get the chance to watch midget kickboxing, DO IT! And it was just fun to watch. Beetlejuice won, but I think it’s only because his arms were twice as long as Big Poppa’s. Big Poppa had the better skill and technique. After the fight Big Poppa even came over to our seats and talked with us for a while. He seemed like a really cool guy. Unfortunately he didn’t stay too long, because he had a chance to go sit on some pretty girls lap. Not that I blamed him. The fight only lasted for 3 one-minute rounds. It was way too short. They should have let them fight for a much longer time.

The only way I’d go back to the Rockford Rumble is if I knew someone fighting or if they did the midget kickboxing again.