Miasmatic Review

Disrespectful

I ended up going to my friend’s visitation on Friday. I filled the truck up with gas, $160.00 worth (It were on fumes) and made the 3 hour drive. At this time I want to say the Verizon Wireless Navigation system on my phone rocks. Trust me, I would have never found the place. As a back up I had Mapquest directions and they weren’t accurate. Like going the wrong way down a one way. But that’s not what this post is about.

I have never been so insulted by anyone’s actions like I was at the visitation. When I arrived I did not recognize anyone else there, I figured they where her family and friends that weren’t re-enactors. At first I didn’t even see her husband, Shane. You get so used to seeing re-enactors in their period clothes that when you see them dressed in modern clothes you don’t recognize them.

Slowly I made my way through the receiving line. By the casket was her bed jacket with trade silver on it. In the casket she laid wearing modern clothes. I didn’t really start to think anything was “wrong” until I saw how the family was lined up. It was in this order: Mother, Father, Shane, brothers and sisters. As her husband Shane should have been at the head of the receiving line. Well, maybe I was wrong on that. I come to the mother shake her hand and tell her I’m sorry for her loss. She looked at me quizzically and asked, “Do I know you?” I explained that I was a re-enacting friend of Denise’s. She gave me this look and in an irritated tone said, “Oh.” I received the same cool reception from her father. Shane of course was warm and welcoming. He looked like he needed a friend.

After I finished the line, I watched the family. Shane looked like he had been put through a ringer; I mean worse then being at your wife’s visitation. They had a video slide show of pictures of Denise, only one of the pictures had her in her re-enacting clothes. This is really weird because most re-enactors I know identify themselves as a re-enactor. It is more than a hobby; it is a way of life. You’ve probably figured that out by reading me for a while. Finally some other re-enactors showed up and I was able to talk with them that is when I got the rest of the story.

Apparently the family didn’t like Denise’s Native American beliefs and re-enacting. She wanted to be buried in the bed jacket and they refused to do so. Due to circumstances that are not my story to tell, the marriage is not legally recognized by the family or state so Shane had no authority to override the parent’s decisions. When Denise was sick the family didn’t visit, assist or comfort her as they should have. Except for her sister, whom I was told actually was accepting of Denise’s choices and was very supportive.

The whole thing really just pissed me off.

Most of the re-enactors drive 2+ hours to be there, some even came from Minnesota. For the parents to be rude to us when all we were doing was pay our respects to their daughter was uncalled for. I guess it is because I couldn’t be that way, I can’t understand how others could. And I could go on, but I’m not going to. But remember folks, if someone you loved dies, respect them, their last wishes and the people that come to pay their respect. You’re honoring a life, not making a statement.