May 22, 2007


Itís getting closer and closer to summer. Technically it doesnít start until June 21, but many people, including myself, view summer as starting Memorial Day weekend. This year summer seems to have come early. Weíve had a lot of high temps. While there are a lot of good things about summer, it happens to be one of my least favorite seasons. It just seems to be a miserable time of the year. Here are five reasons I hate the summer.

1) Heat. Itís farooking hot all the damn time. Iím a big guy and Iím constantly sweating. Nothing is worse then getting out of the shower, toweling off and then 5 minutes later having to towel off again. When the humidity is high, just shoot me.

2) Skimpy clothing. Okay some are going to argue this is a bonus. Iím sorry, but for every person that looks good in their really tight revealing outfits there are 5 that donít. IE yesterday at the grocery store there was one lady that looked decent in her summer skirt and halter top, however the 350 pound guy wearing denim cut offs and a mesh half shirt almost made me chunder into the lobster tank. Letís not forget the overly large lady wearing some kind of shorts that disappeared in the crack of her arse. It looked like she was wearing a thongÖ with two overly white mounds of cottage cheese for arse cheeks. Donít get me wrong people, Iím a big ugly guy, nobody wants to see me in a speedoÖ including myself. I'm glad these people are proud of their bodies. I just wish they would be proud in private.

3) Open Windows. Donít get me wrong, I like opening my windows. However, when you do, all the sounds of the world invade your house and car. When Iím driving home and listening to the car next to me playing that ďthump-thumpĒ crap over my stereo, it is annoying. It doesnít matter how loud I turn my stereo up, I can still hear it. Plus I donít want to listen to my music that loud to begin with. At night with the windows open (and living in an urban area) you get the sounds of the city, sirens, traffic, parties. This is fine early in the evening, at 2 in the morning I just want to sleep.

4) Idiots Out Wondering Around, (No Iím not talking about Iowa). When itís cold out, these jack arses hide in their homes, bars or apartments. Now that it is warm they are roaming the streets. Sometimes they are just loud (See above about open windows), sometimes they are drunk, sometimes they come pounding on your door at the worst times wanting to know where his buddy ďFredĒ lives. The vandalism increases and so does property damage. Unfortunately there are laws about booby traps and hunting these inconsiderate arses.

5) No School. That means packs of kids from 10-24 are out in droves. The traffic has increased because the college kids have come home. The stores are filled with younger kids just ďhanging outĒ. They play games in the middle of the street and donít get out of the way. In fact just about any place I go is filled with kids June, July and August. To make matters worse they are rude, disrespectful, and can be the root cause for some of the above issues. That and if I have to listen to another sentence such as, ďum, like Tina and I were um, like going to the store. And um, we ran into Brian there, and um, he was saying that Brandon was um, like totally into Tonya. And um, we were like no way. He was, um saying that Brandon like told him in person. Um and I think Tonya is like into Travis. UmÖ.Ē, I'm going to try to swallow my own brain. Yea, I donít know whatís with speech patterns today, but the word ďlikeĒ is over used and using ďumĒ ever 5 seconds makes me want to strangle them.

Sadly enough, if I could move to a quiet place in the middle of no where, I wouldn't have as many of these issues. I just can't do that.

Posted by Contagion in General assholery at May 22, 2007 05:09 AM | TrackBack

Your number 2 is so true! Gah...

Posted by: Richmond at May 22, 2007 08:16 AM