Miasmatic Review

IT'S HERE!!!!

It’s getting closer and closer to summer. Technically it doesn’t start until June 21, but many people, including myself, view summer as starting Memorial Day weekend. This year summer seems to have come early. We’ve had a lot of high temps. While there are a lot of good things about summer, it happens to be one of my least favorite seasons. It just seems to be a miserable time of the year. Here are five reasons I hate the summer.

1) Heat. It’s farooking hot all the damn time. I’m a big guy and I’m constantly sweating. Nothing is worse then getting out of the shower, toweling off and then 5 minutes later having to towel off again. When the humidity is high, just shoot me.

2) Skimpy clothing. Okay some are going to argue this is a bonus. I’m sorry, but for every person that looks good in their really tight revealing outfits there are 5 that don’t. IE yesterday at the grocery store there was one lady that looked decent in her summer skirt and halter top, however the 350 pound guy wearing denim cut offs and a mesh half shirt almost made me chunder into the lobster tank. Let’s not forget the overly large lady wearing some kind of shorts that disappeared in the crack of her arse. It looked like she was wearing a thong… with two overly white mounds of cottage cheese for arse cheeks. Don’t get me wrong people, I’m a big ugly guy, nobody wants to see me in a speedo… including myself. I'm glad these people are proud of their bodies. I just wish they would be proud in private.

3) Open Windows. Don’t get me wrong, I like opening my windows. However, when you do, all the sounds of the world invade your house and car. When I’m driving home and listening to the car next to me playing that “thump-thump” crap over my stereo, it is annoying. It doesn’t matter how loud I turn my stereo up, I can still hear it. Plus I don’t want to listen to my music that loud to begin with. At night with the windows open (and living in an urban area) you get the sounds of the city, sirens, traffic, parties. This is fine early in the evening, at 2 in the morning I just want to sleep.

4) Idiots Out Wondering Around, (No I’m not talking about Iowa). When it’s cold out, these jack arses hide in their homes, bars or apartments. Now that it is warm they are roaming the streets. Sometimes they are just loud (See above about open windows), sometimes they are drunk, sometimes they come pounding on your door at the worst times wanting to know where his buddy “Fred” lives. The vandalism increases and so does property damage. Unfortunately there are laws about booby traps and hunting these inconsiderate arses.

5) No School. That means packs of kids from 10-24 are out in droves. The traffic has increased because the college kids have come home. The stores are filled with younger kids just “hanging out”. They play games in the middle of the street and don’t get out of the way. In fact just about any place I go is filled with kids June, July and August. To make matters worse they are rude, disrespectful, and can be the root cause for some of the above issues. That and if I have to listen to another sentence such as, “um, like Tina and I were um, like going to the store. And um, we ran into Brian there, and um, he was saying that Brandon was um, like totally into Tonya. And um, we were like no way. He was, um saying that Brandon like told him in person. Um and I think Tonya is like into Travis. Um….”, I'm going to try to swallow my own brain. Yea, I don’t know what’s with speech patterns today, but the word “like” is over used and using “um” ever 5 seconds makes me want to strangle them.

Sadly enough, if I could move to a quiet place in the middle of no where, I wouldn't have as many of these issues. I just can't do that.