May 29, 2007

Death to the plants!

So it was that time of the week again, you know what I’m talking about… mowing the lawn. My fine contaminants let me tell you that my personal hell is having to mow the lawn in the blazing sun. After about 2 minutes I start hoping I get physically injured so I can stop. Yes, I hate it that much that I start wishing for a hospital visit to get out of it. But I think I may have found the solution to my problem.

My weedwacker broke, so I couldn’t get along the edge of the house, fence, trees, etc. Since I was already in the midst of Operation “Salt the Earth” with these unwanted weeds that keep popping up along the back of the yard, I decided to use the same chemicals instead of weedwacking. This all started a couple of weeks ago. This was the best idea I’ve had in a long time! It worked really well… a little too well. Apparently the chemical I use kills weeds, grass, flowers, bushes, small trees, insects, alien life forms and almost anything that requires sun light or sun light using products to survive.

There is a ring of dead grass around my house. Small tress and bushes are dying at an alarming rate. I figure if I spray the rest of the lawn with this stuff, I won’t ever have to mow again! It’ll be great! I can talk Ktreva into letting me pave the yard and put down Astroturf! A whole section of Ktreva’s flowerbed has been returned to nothing but dirt. Insects don’t even cross the barren lands I’ve created. A three-year-old maple tree has returned to the earth from which it sprang, an eight-year-old bush I’ve tried cutting out for 5 years is withering and turning to mulch. Everything is dying!

Well, not everything. The damn weeds that I specifically bought this product for are thriving. I’ve doused them every week for a month and a half, and they just won’t die. Which is why I would have to pave the dirt… I couldn’t handle a yard full of these weeds. They grow faster then the grass.

Posted by Contagion in General assholery at May 29, 2007 07:22 PM | TrackBack

One very simple yet deadly word.


Kills everything in the path of its shot. Not unlike the Howling Jezebel.

Posted by: Petey at May 29, 2007 09:55 PM

LOL! I can empathize. I can kill everything but those darn Brazilian Pepper trees.

Posted by: vw bug at May 30, 2007 04:56 AM

Round up is good, but this stuff I bought at Farm and Fleet really should be named Black Death, I swear it's a mix of gasoline and agent orange with a napalm kicker.

Posted by: Contagion at May 30, 2007 07:18 AM

"anything that requires sun light or sun light using products to survive"

This means it is not an effective way to kill zombies.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 30, 2007 01:13 PM