June 01, 2007

I've lost the element of surprise.

Operation Neighbor Scare may need to be upgraded from defensive to offensive standings. Things have started to spiral out of control, and it is now time to ensure my reputation. It seems that with the recent outflow of neighbors in the last 6 months and some of the houses and apartments being empty that my reputation in the neighborhood is not being spread with the foreboding warning that I have enjoyed in years past.

At approximately 18:30 Hours (6:30PM) I was conducting an interview of Boopie in the backyard. He allegedly hit a curb with his bike breaking off one of the foot peddles and he was trying to fix it. Prognosis: Foot peddle threads were stripped, we’ll have to buy a new foot peddle. Unrepearable with the tools and parts on hand. In the middle of my inspection of the part I hear a voice saying, “Hello there”. Looking up, I can see a white male approximately 35-40 years old, about 6 foot, approx 200 lbs, blonde thinning hair, standing at the fence between my property and the house that just sold.

Walking toward the fence I returned the individuals salutation. We introduced ourselves and then I was introduced to his wife and one of their children. At that point the situation took a turn for the worse as I was forced into conducting small talk and pleasantries with the obvious hostile. They even tried reconnoitering information about me and my family for an obviously attempt at a neighborly relationship. After fifteen minutes I excused myself to return to helping Boopie work on his bike.

Returning to the confines of my domicile I proceeded to cleanse myself with externally with soap and internally with Jack Daniel’s. This is when I realized that the mandatory, “Welcome to the neighborhood, stay the fark away from Contagion” talk had not happened with the neighbor. At this point it’s too late for the talk to happen and be as effective; I’m going to have to take some drastic measures.

I’m going to have to start cleaning a lot of weapons in the yard over the next couple of months. Finish getting that hawk block built and start practicing throwing tomahawks. Invite some friends over to sit in the back yard, drink a lot and tell some really inappropriate stories. If all else fails, I think they have a small animal as a pet. I own traps… I’ll let you do the math.

Posted by Contagion in General assholery at June 1, 2007 05:54 AM | TrackBack

I'm here for ya Dude. I can be as inappropriate as the next gal.

Just tell me when......

Posted by: Tammi at June 1, 2007 10:03 AM

Ooo! Inappropriate story and weapon cleaning day!

We should also visually catalog the ammo supplies...

Posted by: Graumagus at June 1, 2007 11:49 AM

Independence Day is quickly approaching - perfect opportunity ;)

Posted by: Shadoglare at June 1, 2007 11:48 PM