October 27, 2007

Drinking Stories.

Most people have one. Either it is one of their own or one that involves a friend. Some people have a lot of drinking stories, me personally I have a 39 volume encyclopedia of drinking stories. And there are two different types of drinking stories. You have the “drank too much” variety, which seems to be the most common.

For example: The summer before my junior year of college I worked as a welder’s assistant. The company I worked for let me keep some of the equipment including a really good pair of welding gloves. When I returned to college I brought them with me, I don’t know why, but I did. Some friends of mine and I went to a big party bonfire party and for reasons beyond reasonable explanation I brought with the welders gloves. Hey, there was fire and the gloves may come in handy. Well they did, but not for reasons expected. There were about a hundred or so people at this party, we were all drinking very heavily. There were multiple kegs and bottles of hard liquor going around.

At some pint one of the other party goers brought out some bottle rockets and started setting them off. Now I was pretty drunk at that time and remembered I had my welder’s gloves with me. Putting them on I said “You want to see fireworks, watch this” and I grabbed a burning log out of the fire and started swinging it around. Of course the drunks all thought this was cool and funny. And then I did something that normally I wouldn’t do, but I was young and drunk. I threw the burning log up in the air as hard as I could. Sparks flew everywhere. Then the log came back down to earth… in the middle of a corn field. A very dry corn field in October at the end of a draught. The next thing I know flames started leaping up out of the corn field.

Party goers are running in every direction, in the end about a quarter acre of corn was destroyed by fire, I think about a half acre was destroyed in trying to contain and put out the fire. It made the local news and I lived in fear for months that someone was going to turn me in. Needless to say I’ve never brought wielding gloves to a bonfire party again.

On the other hand you have the “You didn’t get drunk, but alcohol was involved” variety. These tend to be more just on the quantity or quality of alcohol. A good example of that is many years ago we attended a re-enactment and I had brought two cases of beer, Bucktooth Billy brought a couple of cases of beer and Maelduin brought a couple of cases of beer. We arrived at the event on Thursday. Late Friday night we ran out of beer. Bucktooth Billy and Maelduin made a beer run on Saturday, while wearing kilts. Ktreva had asked them to pick her up a bottle of wine while they were there. Just after picking the wine from the shelf a female patron made a comment to Maelduin. He turns and filled with anger howls, “IT’S NOT A DRESS!” The lady gets scarred and runs off. Bucktooth Billy comes over to Maelduin and says, “She didn’t say anything about your kilt, but commented on the choice of wine.”

Now these aren’t my best drinking stories, but to hear those you need to buy me a drink or two. So why am I talking about drinking stories? It’s because CNN did an article on “Drinking Stories That Put Yours To Shame.” Now I’ve heard many of them before, and there are some really good ones in there. I don’t know if they are the greatest, but damn! They really do have some that make you laugh or cringe.

So tell me, what one of your favorite drinking stories is. Let me know either in the comments or post on it and let me know.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at October 27, 2007 07:19 AM | TrackBack

If only I had a drinking story. I guess I'm going to have to work on that...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 27, 2007 06:19 PM

I never took welding gloves to a party or chucked a flaming log. But I have some really, really good drinking stories. I just can't remember them right now.

Read The Reality Ranch to see some of my great words of wisdom (or idiocraty) when alcohol was involved.

Posted by: Petey at October 28, 2007 12:18 AM

I don't think the statue of limitations has run out on some of my stories yet, so I am unable to tell them for fear of getting arrested.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at October 29, 2007 07:11 AM