February 28, 2008


I woke up this morning, put on one of my nice suits and was getting ready to hit the bathroom to do my hair. All of a sudden a siring pain shot across my abdomen and there was a very urgent pressure on my sphincter. Rapidly I waddled the five steps to the bathroom. I really did not want to redecorate the inside of my suit.

Ktreva is in the bathroom doing her hair. Grabbing my abdomen I urgently say, "I'm sorry, but I really need to use the bathroom." She gets out and I have enough time to get my pants down and start to squat over the thrown when the flood gates opened. A sound much like that of a fire hose spraying into a swimming pool is heard through out the house.

The whole time It felt like my body was trying to push my entire digestive tract out my arse. Severe cramping and pain continued for at least 20 minutes. Finally when everything settled down not only was I physically exhausted, but all that abdominal cramping gave me a nice set of six pack abs. Well, okay that may be a slight exaggeration but I do feel like I did 100 sit ups.

The decision was made that I shall not be going to work today. The last thing I need is a repeat performance of this in the middle of a meeting, which I had three today. Plus I don't think any amount of dry cleaning would remove the power self-enema spray from a suit. I'd have to throw it away and buy another.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at February 28, 2008 08:01 AM | TrackBack


I just started eating a breakfast sandwich when I read this. Just about coated the monitor in Sausage, Egg, Cheese, Crescent roll, and vomit.

Warn a man before firing off a story like that.

Posted by: Petey at February 28, 2008 08:35 AM

Yep I'm not hungry anymore! No more exercising here, I'll just read this blog. Hope you got a copyright before this was printed, you stand to make a fortune.

Posted by: red at February 28, 2008 08:51 AM

Thanks for the mental picture.

Couldn't you have just said you had the flu.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at February 28, 2008 10:11 AM

Hey, I could have gone into graphic details regarding the chunk factor, color and identifiable food bits.

Posted by: Contagion at February 28, 2008 10:46 AM

Don't forget density and consistency, dammit

You must include density and consistency!

Posted by: BloodSpite at February 28, 2008 02:01 PM

Also, include any identifiable food chunks.

Posted by: Roses at February 28, 2008 08:33 PM