Miasmatic Review

Children

Children can be wonderful and joyous. They can bring you happiness and hope for the future. Watching your kids play, laugh and run can make a horrible day turn into something bearable. They can give you hope that everything will be alright in the world. There is also a tremendous sense of pride when your child accomplishes something great. Be it win an award or just being a good person.

On the other hand they can also bring about sorrow and frustration. Such as what both of my children have done this week.

Since Clone was a baby and not able to walk, whenever I would drop him off at daycare or school, I would give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye. This was our ritual for 6 years and 2months… until this week. On Tuesday when I dropped him off, he wouldn’t let me give him a kiss goodbye. I went to try and he squirmed away saying, “Dad, not in front of the kids!”

I…Was... Devastated.

This was my little boy. The one I’ve been raising. The one that sits on my lap when he is scared. The one that likes to hold my hand while walking in stores and parking lots. My boy that still thinks that I am an all knowing and all powerful being that can change the fate of the world with just a blink of my eye. A little piece of me died when he did that.

I think he saw that I was hurt, because after I put him down he leaned over and whispered, “But you can still give me one at home.” He’s just growing too fast. I don’t want to lose My Buddy, My Littleman, My Monkey. Inevitably he is going to grow up and no longer want the hugs and kisses from dad; I just always thought it would be in another 2-4 years.

Then last night Boopie went complete teenager. He’s not allowed to have the cell phone his biological father gave him at our house. Not because we want to be mean, but because he can’t be trusted with it. He takes it to school and uses it during class time to send text messages and call friends. Since he’s failing two classes, he doesn’t need to be distracted all. We’ve told him he isn’t even allowed to bring it to our house. Well he had it over and checking the info on there you can see that he’s been using it while at school. To talk to friends and text his biological father.

When I was going through the phone I asked him if he understood why he’s not allowed to have it at our house. His response was, “Because you’re stupid.”

This was just the icing on the cake of his misbehaving. He’s been constantly testing boundaries and breaking rules. Because of him acting up in school and failing classes we’ve grounded him from just about everything. I even sold his video game system last year. He is supposed to head straight home after school, do his homework and chores and that’s it. No, he’s been going to friends houses and taking the long way home. He’s grounded from TV, but he sneaks it because he doesn’t think we’ll know. Even though he’s called out on it every time.

If you remember I about threw him out of the house last November. Well his grades have worsened since then and his apathetic view of his life has really taken its toll on the family. My instinct is to send him to his dad’s and just write him off. Yet, I can’t do that. He is my son. I do love him and I know he’s a good kid. I know he’s struggling with his situation. He has structure and rules at our house, there are consequences to his actions. There aren’t any at his biological father’s.

I called his biological father and made him come over; I was originally going to send Boopie packing again. Again, I just can’t do that. Especially since his father is one of the people he was calling and texting on his phone while at school. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with him. I wish I could afford to send him to one of those boot camps for troubled kids this summer, but I just can’t.

After I calmed down I sat down and had a man to man talk with him. I explained the consequences of his choices right now. His choice not to do his school work, to fail classes and to not take the help that is offered to him. I explained what the difference is between getting a job when you have no high school diploma versus having one. The whole time I was trying to get him to understand that yes, school is hard… but it’s worth it. It’s worth the time and effort to get a HS diploma. It’s worth it to go to college, be it a community college or a university. It’s worth it to work hard, especially if you ever want to have a nice life. If you ever strive to have your own family in order to provide for them.

Children.

Heartbreak, sorrow and frustration.

Yet still, I can’t imagine a better life then what I have with them.