May 20, 2009

Children

Children can be wonderful and joyous. They can bring you happiness and hope for the future. Watching your kids play, laugh and run can make a horrible day turn into something bearable. They can give you hope that everything will be alright in the world. There is also a tremendous sense of pride when your child accomplishes something great. Be it win an award or just being a good person.

On the other hand they can also bring about sorrow and frustration. Such as what both of my children have done this week.

Since Clone was a baby and not able to walk, whenever I would drop him off at daycare or school, I would give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye. This was our ritual for 6 years and 2monthsÖ until this week. On Tuesday when I dropped him off, he wouldnít let me give him a kiss goodbye. I went to try and he squirmed away saying, ďDad, not in front of the kids!Ē

IÖWas... Devastated.

This was my little boy. The one Iíve been raising. The one that sits on my lap when he is scared. The one that likes to hold my hand while walking in stores and parking lots. My boy that still thinks that I am an all knowing and all powerful being that can change the fate of the world with just a blink of my eye. A little piece of me died when he did that.

I think he saw that I was hurt, because after I put him down he leaned over and whispered, ďBut you can still give me one at home.Ē Heís just growing too fast. I donít want to lose My Buddy, My Littleman, My Monkey. Inevitably he is going to grow up and no longer want the hugs and kisses from dad; I just always thought it would be in another 2-4 years.

Then last night Boopie went complete teenager. Heís not allowed to have the cell phone his biological father gave him at our house. Not because we want to be mean, but because he canít be trusted with it. He takes it to school and uses it during class time to send text messages and call friends. Since heís failing two classes, he doesnít need to be distracted all. Weíve told him he isnít even allowed to bring it to our house. Well he had it over and checking the info on there you can see that heís been using it while at school. To talk to friends and text his biological father.

When I was going through the phone I asked him if he understood why heís not allowed to have it at our house. His response was, ďBecause youíre stupid.Ē

This was just the icing on the cake of his misbehaving. Heís been constantly testing boundaries and breaking rules. Because of him acting up in school and failing classes weíve grounded him from just about everything. I even sold his video game system last year. He is supposed to head straight home after school, do his homework and chores and thatís it. No, heís been going to friends houses and taking the long way home. Heís grounded from TV, but he sneaks it because he doesnít think weíll know. Even though heís called out on it every time.

If you remember I about threw him out of the house last November. Well his grades have worsened since then and his apathetic view of his life has really taken its toll on the family. My instinct is to send him to his dadís and just write him off. Yet, I canít do that. He is my son. I do love him and I know heís a good kid. I know heís struggling with his situation. He has structure and rules at our house, there are consequences to his actions. There arenít any at his biological fatherís.

I called his biological father and made him come over; I was originally going to send Boopie packing again. Again, I just canít do that. Especially since his father is one of the people he was calling and texting on his phone while at school. Iím not sure what Iím going to do with him. I wish I could afford to send him to one of those boot camps for troubled kids this summer, but I just canít.

After I calmed down I sat down and had a man to man talk with him. I explained the consequences of his choices right now. His choice not to do his school work, to fail classes and to not take the help that is offered to him. I explained what the difference is between getting a job when you have no high school diploma versus having one. The whole time I was trying to get him to understand that yes, school is hardÖ but itís worth it. Itís worth the time and effort to get a HS diploma. Itís worth it to go to college, be it a community college or a university. Itís worth it to work hard, especially if you ever want to have a nice life. If you ever strive to have your own family in order to provide for them.

Children.

Heartbreak, sorrow and frustration.

Yet still, I canít imagine a better life then what I have with them.

Posted by Contagion in Family Life at May 20, 2009 04:25 PM | TrackBack
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