Miasmatic Review

Stray thoughts.

A woman is driving down the street, alone in her car. I can see her crying as I pull along side her. Not the gentle tears of joy or a mild weeping, but the chest heaving crying of someone that is in true emotional pain. Her entire body convulsing with each sob, her makeup running with tears as it flows down the curvature of her cheeks like a hard rain over a statue.

At the stop light I try not to stare, but curiosity is a cruel mistress and I sit and wonder, “What has happened to this woman to put her in such a fragile state of emotion? Why is she crying?” The whole time I am glancing over occasionally and seeing her hug the steering while for comfort. Occasionally waves of anger come over her and I watch as she strikes the roof, door and dashboard with clenched fist.

Pain, sorrow, anger, fear.

At some time each of us has been in the same situation as the woman in the car. Whether we display it for the whole world to see, share it only with close friends or keep it bottled up inside, we have been there. An emotional torment that just has to be dealt with in our own personal way or it will wash over us like a tidal wave over a beach. Destroying what’s in its path.

I can only imagine what situation or situations have occurred to bring this woman to this state. I’ve never seen her before, and I doubt I will ever again. What I do know is that I felt for her. For anything that would drive her to such a state would have to have been truly horrible. I found myself hoping that she was heading to a friend or a loved one’s house for at least a small sum of comfort, as opposed to the cold reality of a job.

Me, I finished my drive to work and thought not of her again until my drive home. On my way home I started looking at the lone drivers in the cars and trucks around me. Wondering to myself, “What are they thinking? What emotional state are they in?” Are they just a stray thought away from an emotional outburst or are they so devoid of emotion, so focused on the task at hand, that they wouldn’t provide an emotional outburst no matter what happened? Most likely they were some place between the two emotional extremes.

I don’t know why I wondered these things. I’m not even sure why I was fascinated with the lady this morning. Why today did I decide to take a glimpse in the fish bowl that is life? Was there a deep seeded need for me to observe my fellow man that had to be satisfied? Did curiosity finally overwhelm me enough to start wanting to reconnect with a part of society I started to detach from about 16 years ago? Back when I dealt with some of the worst people humanity had to offer. When I witnessed just how cruel and unforgiving people can be to each other.

These are all questions that I may never find an answer.