September 03, 2009

Chew... the jello.

Okay, let me preface this story by saying that I feel absolutely wonderful today. Still some discomfort and nothing solid coming out, but physically and mentally I feel FANTASTIC! My mood is at the highest it's been in months and I actually feel like going out and having some fun.

That, however, is not what this post is about. My wife is many things, but a wonderful cook is not one of them. Don't get me wrong, she has some items she makes that no one can compete with, Scotch Eggs, Biscuits and Gravy, Deer Pot Roast, Ballindalloch Chicken, and a few more. I generally do the majority of the cooking in the house. When she has to cook, most of the time it's boxed or ready made meals.

With me being down she has to do some cooking, and one of the items that I can eat is Sugar Free Jello. She picked up packages of it for me and made 4-5 different kinds on Monday. When I went to eat some.... it was tough. It didn't want to cut with the spoon.

Then when I finally was able to get a bite sized portion of it, it needed to be chewed. I'm not talking about the mashing it up with your tongue chewing, I mean I had to use my teeth to actually break it up. Normally with Jello I just mash it between my teeth with my tongue, but this stuff was resistant! My overly sharp molars were having trouble breaking this stuff up into smaller bits. It was like chewing steak fat, peach flavored steak fat! MMMmmmm, peachy steak fat!

I tried letting it set out so it can warm up and possibly soften, that failed. I tried mashing it up with a spoon before putting it in my mouth. That failed. Nothing seemed to work.

Ktreva is upset because it turned out bad. Yes, she knows I'm posting about it. She's urging me not to eat it until she can make more. I'm not actually sure what is going to be different the next time. Until then, I need to eat it as I really don't have anything else... and the fridge is filled with various flavors of Ktreva rubber Jello.

So if anyone stops by and see's me chewing on something. Trust me, it's just the hardest damn Jello this side of Atlantic.

Posted by Contagion in Stories about me. at September 3, 2009 11:34 AM | TrackBack

Well, you're complaining. Medically speaking that is supposed to be a good sign.
Since you are able to move to the bathroom, at least, find something beside the Jelo to complain about, lest Ktreva throw a bonch of boxes at you and tell you to make your own damned Jello.

Posted by: Peter at September 3, 2009 04:10 PM

Some wisdom I got from Jeff Foxworthy.

Jell-o will go back to a liquid if you put it in the microwave. It is the only other option besides putting it in your mouth and going


which is sounds like this Jell-o is not capable of doing.

Posted by: Petey at September 3, 2009 08:34 PM

You know James there is always room for Jell-o. Maybe jell-o shots would be the way to go? or rubbing jell-o all over Nessa or maybe jell-o wrestling. So just remember you can never have to much jell-o.

Posted by: wil at September 4, 2009 06:49 AM

tell Nessa to call me. sounds like she needs some cooking advice.

Posted by: red at September 4, 2009 06:50 AM

Well of course I missed all of this since work has been a bear for the last few weeks. I knew you had the surgery from fb, but hadn't had a chance to stop by and check the blog until now.

Glad to hear you are on the mend and feeling so much better - that's excellent! Ktreva sounds so much like my daughter in terms of cooking. My daughter once went to make spaghetti-o's... she dumped the can in the pot, then added a can of water (like Campbell's soups). Then she called me to find out what she did wrong. LOL.

Can Ktreva find some pre-made jello at the store? They have the little packs for kids to take to school in their lunches. That might be the way to go.

Posted by: Teresa at September 5, 2009 09:17 AM

Ktreva will kick me in the dick for this, but...

Jello?!?! How in the hell can she make the best goddamn Scotch Eggs on earth and not be able to make Jello?!?!?

Maybe she needs to make it in cast iron....

Posted by: Graumagus at September 9, 2009 09:32 AM